Family Issues Support Group
Family issues is a huge range that go from minor conflict to major misbehaviour and even abuse on the part of individual members of the family occur. Whether you feel you are in a dysfunctional family or you're dealing with a very specific issue, this is the place to talk about it and find others who might be going through the same thing.
Hi folks! I'm new here, and decided to join this group as there's something that has been really eating away at me for the last couple of years...
My dad passed away in 2017, and the day he died, my mum dropped a bombshell: that she and my dad had been a secret couple for years, despite splitting up when I was 11 years old (I was 24 when my dad died)! They always remained friends, but as far as I was aware their sexual/emotional relationship was definitely over. It turns out they split up, he moved out, but within a few months they'd resumed their relationship (just didn't bother telling anyone). They actively tried to convince me and others that nothing was going on.
The day my dad died, my mum admitted this to me, and blamed me, saying that they couldn't get married or have the relationship they wanted because they didn't want to upset me (I never had an issue with them getting back together! I never really cared about them splitting up either as it was amicable). My mum never wanted kids, and I'm pretty sure she suffered from post-natal depression but she has a phobia of doctors so it was never diagnosed officially. Because she didn't want me, we've had a love/hate relationship - she genuinely cares, it's just not a maternal type of caring.
I now feel betrayed, and quite angry at my dad (this makes me feel awful because he's no longer with me, I should be reminiscing over happy memories, not getting angry) and also my mum.
She doesn't see it as a big deal, but I feel as if they both lied to me and laughed at my naivety for all those years. Mum says I'm overreacting, maybe I am, but I just feel hurt by all this. I honestly don't know why they didn't feel that they could tell me.
Am I overreacting? Regardless, is there a way of moving past this? Because it's still bothering me!
Thanks in advance
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Hey all, i know its been quite awhile since i posted on here. Its been a summer all right. Its been something else........... You know how they say not to open the can of worms? Well a few months ago i decided to find out what my due date would have been for my first baby, the one conceived by r***. My baby would have been due on March 4th of 2006. They would be 20 years old. I was R**** on June...
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you have. I don't think you can do this alone. And I don't believe
your mother should have said anything to you.
Because your mom didn't think she wanted children doesn't mean that once she had a child that she didn't dearly love you....I'm sorry that you've struggled with your relationship
With regards to your mom and dad their choices were up to them and between them and I would tell her that …. They didn't put that choice in your hands nor should they have
She may be feeling some survivors guilt due to your father's death and is deflecting
I am very sorry that you've lost your Dad...… Big hug......xo
You can vent here, as well. You need to work through alot of emotions.
You will have to some day forgive your mother for her words.
IT doesnt matter what happened in the past is done it can not be changed. Many times we get caught up in arguing over the past in an effort to win or be right. We fail to see that we need to learn and grow and welcome the future for what it hold for us. You cant win a race that is over. You can only prepare for the next race.
You need to mourn and greive the lost of your father. That might mean bonding with your mother or spouse more.