Family Issues Support Group
Family issues is a huge range that go from minor conflict to major misbehaviour and even abuse on the part of individual members of the family occur. Whether you feel you are in a dysfunctional family or you're dealing with a very specific issue, this is the place to talk about it and find others who might be going through the same thing.
Yesterday, my mother told my sister that she plans on leaving my father after the holidays. My father was home and had accidentally walked in on this conversation, and he absolutely did not know about her intentions.
She says it's primarily his inability to lose weight that is a big driver for this, since she's asked him to do so many times. He's asked her to stop smoking since they were married 30 years ago and she never followed through on that, so I don't understand her logic. I could write a book on the way she treats my father, so maybe this is a step in the right direction...
There have been times in the past where she's threatened to leave and never does, so I don't know how to feel about this. Here's what I can't seem to work out:
1. I find it totally innappropriate for her to tell her daughter about this (especially prior to the holidays) without my father even knowing about this. My mom said she never intended for him to know until after, but then why would you tell anyone?! So what, your daughter has to pretend everything is fine during the holidays?
2. My mom has no job. She decided never to go back to work (and won't pursue any opportunity unless the job is a perfect match), so I don't know how she thinks she's going to support herself. My dad is and primarly always has been the only source of income.
I'm going to be furious if she's just blowing smoke on something as serious as this. Not only is this whole ordeal going to ruin any chance of having an enjoyable holiday season with my family, it's also my son's first Thanksgiving and Christmas. I just can't wrap my mind around what the h-e-double hockey sticks is going on.
Anybody have any advice?
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Here is my new brother, copper :) He's so tiny! Moo and Tuck were ok with him on first meeting. Rocket due to his severe aggression will never meet Cooper.
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https://www.tiktok.com/t/ZTDeA9Wxg/
Threatening to divorce someone multiple times is manipulation. If she has no means of visible support after leaving, either she is cheating and plans to grab onto that branch as she bounds out the door or she is simply manipulating some more.
Each of those two scenarios is equally probable. If her primary objection is his increasing weight, she might have found someone more in tune with her wants. Then again, since the holidays are a time of the year most people who like to eat particularly enjoy, she may simply being trying to make him feel awkward and guilty about looking forward to traditional holiday foods. It's her way of spoiling the holiday for him. She either does not realize or simply does not care that she is ruining the holidays for everyone else as well.
Just between me and you, either way makes her a pretty despicable person. If it were me, I'd suggest she go visit someone for the holidays, or send her on a nice trip someone BY HERSELF. Then everyone else could at least have a nice time.
I would try and focus on your son..... Let the holidays making it about a wonderful experience for him
Your parents marriage is between them and if she brings it up again I would tell her so......
Regardless of what they choose to do in the marriage .... You can still love and support both of your folks..... Big hug and a blessing.......xo
At times people view the holidays as a time to open up with glimpses of an ungrateful heart. I do agree that the timing is off with your mother's behavior. Then, too, holiday season causes stress and this is what pushes thoughts & feelings out of proportion. Could it be that the conversation between you & your mother came during the planning stage of holiday gathering & meal plans? This could signal that the full measure of her feelings for your father's weight gain is a great concern for the sake of his better health while attending food festivities. Usually, much food is consumed during such occasions & temptation is wild or out of control. I find myself watching calories & working out more ahead of the eventful days of food-fest. Although, planning to leave someone for this reason is foremost to glorify selfishness, and not just with using the holidays as a reason to build-up this idea, which takes a handful of personal pride. The power of the spirit of spending family time together, setting aside this special time of year, looking forward to sharing activities of love & care is vital. We each need wonderful things to happen. My advice would be to simply overlook her words for now. As you mention, you have a goal for your own happiness. Look to that as your guide to ignore your mother's mind-set. Sad to say that getting through this one season is going to take great faith in reviving a hope that your parents' trials & tribulations will be settled in a fair & pleasing way. Such samples of careless behaviors really are condescending during a time in which differences should be at the rear & not at the forefront. God be with each of you & happy holidays to you!
...ℛℰℳ¡Åℋ... ✘♥✘♥