Family Issues Support Group
Family issues is a huge range that go from minor conflict to major misbehaviour and even abuse on the part of individual members of the family occur. Whether you feel you are in a dysfunctional family or you're dealing with a very specific issue, this is the place to talk about it and find others who might be going through the same thing.
My brother will be 32 in September, I'll be 30 in September.
We never got along as kids because he always bullied me. He was bullied by kids at school, and when he got home he would bully me. He would beat me up and play the angel so my parents would blame me and label me as an "instigator". He told all the kids in the neighborhood that I wet the bed and made up other lies. Obviously, I was picked on by all the other kids because of this.
But that was years ago. My brother went into the Marine Corps when he was 18, and things seemed better. We got along being apart. We talked on the phone when he was in Iraq and he had signed on for 5 years. By the time he got out, I had gotten married and had a son. I lived in St. Louis and he moved back to Cleveland (where we're from). My husband and I moved back to Cleveland when our son was a year old, but I didn't see my brother much. We were both busy with our own lives. When I did see him, he would get annoyed with my son. My son was just a toddler and my brother would act like my son was trying to make him mad on purpose. Add to that the fact that my son is autistic, it makes it even worse that my brother would be so mean to him.
My brother moved to Florida in March 2008, and we would talk on the phone every few months. He finally came home for a visit on Thursday, and it was the first time he had been home since he moved more than 3 years ago. I was so excited and couldn't wait for him to get here.
When he walked in the door, I gave him a big hug. My son was all over him, thinking he was just the greatest thing in the world. But my brother wanted nothing to do with him. We went to the Great Lakes Science Center on Friday, and my son kept trying to hold my brother's hand. My brother was extremely mean and told him "hell no you can't hold my hand!" My son is only 8 years old and he's mentally about 3-4 years old. What he said was extremely mean!
We went to the Medieval Fair yesterday and my brother took my teenage cousin's phone from him. He put it in his pocket and walked off. The more my cousin got upset, the more my brother laughed. Our own mother had to step in and tell him to give it back. The first time she told, he said "no", but after she raised her voice, he gave it back. He had the phone for more than 10 minutes before she stepped in.
But even worse is the fact that ever since he got here on Thursday, he has not said ONE nice thing to me. Not ONE! He has threatened to kill my 2 cats, threatened to snap my neck, threatened to throw me out a window... He likes to remind me in every single conversation that he's trained to kill me with his bare hands.
When I finally said today that I was upset because of all of it, he sat there with a smirk on his face. He thought it was hilarious that I'm upset. And then to make it even worse, my mother DEFENDED him AGAIN! How can she not see all of this going on? He has been standing there every time he's said those things to me. But she defends him??
I just don't know what to do about all of this. I feel hurt by my brother, and hurt by my mothers denial.
He's 32 years old. He shouldn't be treating his only sibling this way!
We never got along as kids because he always bullied me. He was bullied by kids at school, and when he got home he would bully me. He would beat me up and play the angel so my parents would blame me and label me as an "instigator". He told all the kids in the neighborhood that I wet the bed and made up other lies. Obviously, I was picked on by all the other kids because of this.
But that was years ago. My brother went into the Marine Corps when he was 18, and things seemed better. We got along being apart. We talked on the phone when he was in Iraq and he had signed on for 5 years. By the time he got out, I had gotten married and had a son. I lived in St. Louis and he moved back to Cleveland (where we're from). My husband and I moved back to Cleveland when our son was a year old, but I didn't see my brother much. We were both busy with our own lives. When I did see him, he would get annoyed with my son. My son was just a toddler and my brother would act like my son was trying to make him mad on purpose. Add to that the fact that my son is autistic, it makes it even worse that my brother would be so mean to him.
My brother moved to Florida in March 2008, and we would talk on the phone every few months. He finally came home for a visit on Thursday, and it was the first time he had been home since he moved more than 3 years ago. I was so excited and couldn't wait for him to get here.
When he walked in the door, I gave him a big hug. My son was all over him, thinking he was just the greatest thing in the world. But my brother wanted nothing to do with him. We went to the Great Lakes Science Center on Friday, and my son kept trying to hold my brother's hand. My brother was extremely mean and told him "hell no you can't hold my hand!" My son is only 8 years old and he's mentally about 3-4 years old. What he said was extremely mean!
We went to the Medieval Fair yesterday and my brother took my teenage cousin's phone from him. He put it in his pocket and walked off. The more my cousin got upset, the more my brother laughed. Our own mother had to step in and tell him to give it back. The first time she told, he said "no", but after she raised her voice, he gave it back. He had the phone for more than 10 minutes before she stepped in.
But even worse is the fact that ever since he got here on Thursday, he has not said ONE nice thing to me. Not ONE! He has threatened to kill my 2 cats, threatened to snap my neck, threatened to throw me out a window... He likes to remind me in every single conversation that he's trained to kill me with his bare hands.
When I finally said today that I was upset because of all of it, he sat there with a smirk on his face. He thought it was hilarious that I'm upset. And then to make it even worse, my mother DEFENDED him AGAIN! How can she not see all of this going on? He has been standing there every time he's said those things to me. But she defends him??
I just don't know what to do about all of this. I feel hurt by my brother, and hurt by my mothers denial.
He's 32 years old. He shouldn't be treating his only sibling this way!
I'm sorry that your brother acts unkindly towards your son. I hope that one day he realizes what a mistake he has made.
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Your parents are probably trying to make everyone play nice. Sometimes parents worry so much about keeping everyone happy that they don't realize that they are condoning sick behavior.
I would just accept that your brother is not someone you want to be with for your mental and physical health. If anyone asks you why you are staying away you can nicely say that you have nothing in common with him any more and he makes you uncomfortable. Remember we have no choice in our siblings but we do have a choice in how we deal with them.
I agree 100% with the advice others gave - stay away from him. At the least, he would be classified and having a borderline personality disorder. He could some day become psychotic. Now, I feel for those among us who have mental problems. The best thing for your brother would be to seek therapy ASAP before he hurts of kills someone. However, unless he has a compelling reason to seek help, he never will. It's sad. He is your brother, your sibling. But he is ill. You must stay away from him, keep your little boy from him, and let your parents handle it their way UNLESS you see them in physical danger from your brother. In that case, you would need to alert law enforcement.
I live in FL and it's filled with people who do not "fit in" in other places. This is not a good place for him to be, since he will likely prey on other unsuspecting people.
We always hurt the ones we love. But when someone acts out against someone who is not family, it's serious. Live your life, do not speak with your brother via phone other than to exchange necessary information, and stay safe.