Family Issues Support Group
Family issues is a huge range that go from minor conflict to major misbehaviour and even abuse on the part of individual members of the family occur. Whether you feel you are in a dysfunctional family or you're dealing with a very specific issue, this is the place to talk about it and find others who might be going through the same thing.
I am nervous on posting this here but keeping it all inside is getting to me.
I awoke at 230 am worried about my parents living in a bug infested house. My Dad 84 is not able to pick up after my Mom 81 any more and she refuses to do so her self. She never has. My older sister use to clean and then My Aunt use to pick up after her. Than Dad retired and he cleaned up after her. She is mad at him for not moving and he is at his wits end trying. I have tried and tried to exterminate but when ever I do my moms dirty habit's makes it worthless. We have sealed off the upstairs, my mom opened it up again. I ripped up the carpets, moved heavy antique furniture. Threw sofas and chairs away. I just don't know what to do anymore. She has clothes thrown in every room of the house, dirty and worse. My Brother says he feels bad for my Dad but can not help cause my mom and how bad she is. My oldest brother is not well and recently moved out of state to be near his son and daughter in law. My sister says they were selfish all these years and it bothers her but they did this to themselves. Both my siblings are right . I can not be mad at them cause the emotional abuse was severe growing up. I just can not stand knowing my parents are living in these conditions. It is bad. We do not have the money for repairs and an exterminator. A nursing home would kill my Dad and my parents will not live separately. They been married since they were 18 and 22.
I awoke at 230 am worried about my parents living in a bug infested house. My Dad 84 is not able to pick up after my Mom 81 any more and she refuses to do so her self. She never has. My older sister use to clean and then My Aunt use to pick up after her. Than Dad retired and he cleaned up after her. She is mad at him for not moving and he is at his wits end trying. I have tried and tried to exterminate but when ever I do my moms dirty habit's makes it worthless. We have sealed off the upstairs, my mom opened it up again. I ripped up the carpets, moved heavy antique furniture. Threw sofas and chairs away. I just don't know what to do anymore. She has clothes thrown in every room of the house, dirty and worse. My Brother says he feels bad for my Dad but can not help cause my mom and how bad she is. My oldest brother is not well and recently moved out of state to be near his son and daughter in law. My sister says they were selfish all these years and it bothers her but they did this to themselves. Both my siblings are right . I can not be mad at them cause the emotional abuse was severe growing up. I just can not stand knowing my parents are living in these conditions. It is bad. We do not have the money for repairs and an exterminator. A nursing home would kill my Dad and my parents will not live separately. They been married since they were 18 and 22.
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Here is my new brother, copper :) He's so tiny! Moo and Tuck were ok with him on first meeting. Rocket due to his severe aggression will never meet Cooper.
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https://www.tiktok.com/t/ZTDeA9Wxg/
They may not want to move into assisted living or a nursing home but they can not stay in a a home that's unsanitary either. They will at some point succumb to an illness due to the living conditions. I don't think at your mother's age that her habits could be changed.
Maybe it's time for you and your siblings to have a serious talk about your parent's living conditions and what ultimately is in their best interests health wise. It's not easy but if they're incapable of taking care of themselves then they need to be in an environment where they will be taken care of.
Despite having the monies to renovate the home; there's no point if the conditions will go back to what they are today.
This can't be easy for you..
I wouldn't bring my grandchildren into that home either. It's more of a dust issue or mold and mildew. My oldest daughter is an asthmatic also. The amount of daily cleaning that I had to do when she was growing up was exhausting.
How are their eating habits? Do they eat semi healthy; does she cook?
I know how you feel about your father not going into a nursing home. My elderly mother, she's 86 came to live with my DH and I 4 years ago now. For the most part we have a great time. She doesn't do the housekeeping that she used to be able to do but she's still very helpful around the house. Anyway, we're close and I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I had to put her in a home but sometimes, you have to do what you have to do. If it's in their best interest to be looked after to ensure their well being; you just don't have a choice.
I'd be interested in hearing what your brother has to say though. I'm sure he's concerned also.
If they were emotionally abusive to you, I'd feel NO GUILT over saying, too bad- this is what you get. You didn't care for me correctly when I was growing up, so you're on your own now. Sounds like your siblings are already there.
I like the idea of calling APS. You can warn them first, so they aren't ambushed and maybe they'll shape up. Give them to the end of the month. Then call July 1st. It's out of your hands then.
It may sound mean, but it's the only way to actually get help for them.
I'd also join the codependency and caring for aging parents boards for more support.
Hugs.
Is your father okay health wise? Your mother may not have a choice of where she'll live in the future is she doesn't treat the colitis effectively. I think what may happen in the future Annie is that your mother's untreated illnesses will eventually catch up with her. At that time, you can make arrangements to have her taken care of and then concentrate on your father. That sounds terrible for me to say however, it may be the only other course of action.