Family Issues Support Group
Family issues is a huge range that go from minor conflict to major misbehaviour and even abuse on the part of individual members of the family occur. Whether you feel you are in a dysfunctional family or you're dealing with a very specific issue, this is the place to talk about it and find others who might be going through the same thing.
I'm 27 years old, having issues with my mom. I'm an only child, we've always been close, but every time I start dating someone she gets jealous it seems, gets upset if my plans with the guy I'm seeing interferes with her plans, and finds fault and reasons to dislike him. I live with my parents, I do own my own house but it's not ready for me to move into yet, I am a little scared to live alone so that doesn't help me move things forward at my house either.
I've been seeing a really nice guy for the past four months, we were friends for a few months before dating. We get along very well, I've had abusive relationships before and he's very understanding of that and patient with me. This last weekend I spent the night at his house both days (which I've been doing for a while) and the day time with him as well. He still lives with his parents but they don't mind that I stay over, he lives in a separate area of the house and this weekend they were out of town.
I came home yesterday to my mom attacking me asking how she failed raising me, I have no morals, I'm an embarrassment that I stay in his parents house, I'm spending way too much time with him, I'm rude and ungrateful, she wants nothing to do with me, doesn't want to be in a car with me or near me... it goes on.
She justifies it mostly by saying she's just concerned. What's the line between concern and control? I feel like she's trying to keep me home forever and keep things the way she wants it whether or not I'm happy.
Any advice is welcome.
I've been seeing a really nice guy for the past four months, we were friends for a few months before dating. We get along very well, I've had abusive relationships before and he's very understanding of that and patient with me. This last weekend I spent the night at his house both days (which I've been doing for a while) and the day time with him as well. He still lives with his parents but they don't mind that I stay over, he lives in a separate area of the house and this weekend they were out of town.
I came home yesterday to my mom attacking me asking how she failed raising me, I have no morals, I'm an embarrassment that I stay in his parents house, I'm spending way too much time with him, I'm rude and ungrateful, she wants nothing to do with me, doesn't want to be in a car with me or near me... it goes on.
She justifies it mostly by saying she's just concerned. What's the line between concern and control? I feel like she's trying to keep me home forever and keep things the way she wants it whether or not I'm happy.
Any advice is welcome.
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Hey All...I hope that you have a lovely, peaceful beginning of your weekI have a bunch of chores that need doing but may put them off til tomorrow and just hang out with my landlord/roomie todayWhat about you?...Anything special going on?Have a great day and take good care of you!!..Xo
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Once again I've had a fever today. I'm not going to the hospital because that's a huge waste of time but I did schedule a dr appointment for Wednesday afternoon.
If she's ashamed it's her problem.
You're 27 years old. Personally i wouldn't put up with it, but that's your call.
Move out asap!!... If your house won't be ready for quite a while I would get a room on a month to month contract
This won't change unless you change it phoenix ... You are an adult now and boundaries are so important... Once they're in place hopefully your relationship with your mom will settle down... Big hug...xo
I would suggest moving out asap, but until then I suggest you NOT discuss it with her, don't listen to it, don't engage, don't try to justify or defend. You need to learn how to set healthy boundaries either by stating that you will not discuss the matter with her, or to ask her to stop insulting and saying hurtful things, or change the subject, or walk away (not huffy or angry, just walk).
If you have problems setting boundaries, perhaps some counseling might help give you the tools that can make you more confident in knowing the difference between a controlling vs concern.
She's not an independent person and her and my dad are not a super close couple, so I know a lot of the reason she wants me to stay at home all the time is so she can make me do things for her. I'm not trying to be ungrateful, my parents have done a lot for me and I appreciate it, I always say thank you and try to help them when I can but I also need to do my own things by myself.
My mom grew up with a controlling mother and lived at home until she was 36 when she got married and had me.
It's totally...weird. Especially given your age.
I apologize if I'm being too blunt, but I had a mother who used her kids to get her own needs met and it was just so damaging and wrong it still makes me angry.
Your mother needs therapy.
The only way to put an end to this type of behavior is to move out of your parents home. In the end, the ball is in your court as to whether you want to move out on your own or stay and be subjected to your mother's demands.
It's sad for her in a way because her behavior is getting in the way of having a wonderful relationship with her child.
Personally, when it's time (my kids are 13 and 16), I don't believe that I'll have any issues with my kids having sex under my roof.
And for many reasons (domestic violence, and the fact that I really like my kids and have never had issues with thinking of them as sexual beings) I believe that I will be especially open to them being here...
But not everyone is like me. (My parents sure weren't.) Different people also have different values, religious beliefs, etc....so...I think that maybe it's time for you to move out.
I think you know that though. Maybe a bit of cold feet in not wanting to go just yet. And maybe mom also has a bit of cold feet. But maybe this whole issue is pushing it to tipping point.
You've got your own house. So do it! Do it before things get more serious with the boyfriend. Learn to be okay on your Own two feet before you become dependent on him. Juggle the payments, shopping, cooking, cleaning, grass...all of it.
Decorate to please YOU.
Then have a big (or small) party and invite everyone for an evening (or afternoon, or dinner, or snacks...)
She's now told me she doesn't like my boyfriend because he's "changed me"... which she says about every guy I date or new friend I start spending time with. In her words, she's "good enough for me when I have no friends or boyfriend but as soon as I meet someone she gets pushed aside".
Whoa! That is really unhealthy and totally inappropriate and none of your mothers business, nor should you need to explain to your mother. You do realize this is not healthy?