Family Issues Support Group
Family issues is a huge range that go from minor conflict to major misbehaviour and even abuse on the part of individual members of the family occur. Whether you feel you are in a dysfunctional family or you're dealing with a very specific issue, this is the place to talk about it and find others who might be going through the same thing.
This is really more a MIL post, but it really has to do with her compulsive lying. And I'm not talking about lying about what she has or has not done, or stuff you would "normally" consider one would compulsively lie about. It's really stupid, really. But it makes my poor brain so frazzled I want to beat it against a wall.
She lies about stupid stuff. For example : I walked into the kitchen the other day. Didn't ask her the first question, matter of fact..didn't say ANYTHING. She was getting coffee and goes into this spiel about how she didn't have but $10 on her, and that she had to use that to get stuff for dinner. (for reference, we live together with her and her husband, my husband, me and our two kids, has been this way for a bit now, originally we moved in with her and left our place to help care for her mother (husbands granny) because she could not afford to work and hire a nurse or other caregiver). I told her we'd make do like we always did, to try not to worry. Later on she sends her husband to the store, and when he comes back he leaves the receipt out on the counter. I look, of course dummy me, and the stuff was paid for with a $50 bill. Ookkaayy..Now I know her husband hasn't been working, so I know the money didn't come from him, and no one else had been by that day, and she hadn't left to go anywhere..so where did this other 40 just materialize from?
So..I proceed to start cooking. Her husband comes in..sees me cooking...she comes in sees me cooking...He leaves and comes back with takeout sandwiches from the local sub shop. I ask him about it and he tells me she just HAD to have a sandwich. Ok again..I tell them that dinner is done if they still want some, and she tells me "Oh I'll eat some, I don't know about him, he just HAD to have a sub." and rolls her eyes in his direction. WTH?? I wanted to say.."Well HE told me the sub was for YOU." But I'm trying so hard to just ignore shit like this.
This has been going on for several months now, and it is just driving me crazy. I mean, I could understand lying if I asked her a question about something and she felt she needed to tell me something, ANYTHING to get me out of her hair. But the thing is..I'm NOT asking her anything, outside of Are you doin ok today? Do you need some more coffee? Would you like me to brew you some fresh coffee? and the like.
It really is driving me batty, and I'm trying NOT to let it get to me, but I feel like she is just coming up with ways to lie to me about stuff, simply because I no longer ask her questions outside of the ones mentioned. I mean she used to try to sit me down, and tell me all about her finances and her financial woes, but I have been lucky in being able to duck and dodge her when she tries that kind of stuff. It's none of my business what her finances are, or where she spends her money or anything like that. Although it does irk me to hear her cry broke all the time, and yet see QVC and HSN packages arriving at least once a month, and see her constantly getting take out and yet still crying broke. Me and my husband live on a tightly fixed income, and if we can't afford something, we don't buy it, simply because..WE CAN'T AFFORD IT. But we don't go around crying broke all the time, even though we are.
This is just enough to make me want to smack my head against a wall to beat out the "I wonder why she is going out of her way to lie to me." thoughts. I really shouldn't care, I really shouldn't. And I try really REALLY hard not to think about it. But it has become a constant everyday thing.
I just needed to vent a little. Feel free to post something if you have an idea or just a word of support. Thanks everyone.
She lies about stupid stuff. For example : I walked into the kitchen the other day. Didn't ask her the first question, matter of fact..didn't say ANYTHING. She was getting coffee and goes into this spiel about how she didn't have but $10 on her, and that she had to use that to get stuff for dinner. (for reference, we live together with her and her husband, my husband, me and our two kids, has been this way for a bit now, originally we moved in with her and left our place to help care for her mother (husbands granny) because she could not afford to work and hire a nurse or other caregiver). I told her we'd make do like we always did, to try not to worry. Later on she sends her husband to the store, and when he comes back he leaves the receipt out on the counter. I look, of course dummy me, and the stuff was paid for with a $50 bill. Ookkaayy..Now I know her husband hasn't been working, so I know the money didn't come from him, and no one else had been by that day, and she hadn't left to go anywhere..so where did this other 40 just materialize from?
So..I proceed to start cooking. Her husband comes in..sees me cooking...she comes in sees me cooking...He leaves and comes back with takeout sandwiches from the local sub shop. I ask him about it and he tells me she just HAD to have a sandwich. Ok again..I tell them that dinner is done if they still want some, and she tells me "Oh I'll eat some, I don't know about him, he just HAD to have a sub." and rolls her eyes in his direction. WTH?? I wanted to say.."Well HE told me the sub was for YOU." But I'm trying so hard to just ignore shit like this.
This has been going on for several months now, and it is just driving me crazy. I mean, I could understand lying if I asked her a question about something and she felt she needed to tell me something, ANYTHING to get me out of her hair. But the thing is..I'm NOT asking her anything, outside of Are you doin ok today? Do you need some more coffee? Would you like me to brew you some fresh coffee? and the like.
It really is driving me batty, and I'm trying NOT to let it get to me, but I feel like she is just coming up with ways to lie to me about stuff, simply because I no longer ask her questions outside of the ones mentioned. I mean she used to try to sit me down, and tell me all about her finances and her financial woes, but I have been lucky in being able to duck and dodge her when she tries that kind of stuff. It's none of my business what her finances are, or where she spends her money or anything like that. Although it does irk me to hear her cry broke all the time, and yet see QVC and HSN packages arriving at least once a month, and see her constantly getting take out and yet still crying broke. Me and my husband live on a tightly fixed income, and if we can't afford something, we don't buy it, simply because..WE CAN'T AFFORD IT. But we don't go around crying broke all the time, even though we are.
This is just enough to make me want to smack my head against a wall to beat out the "I wonder why she is going out of her way to lie to me." thoughts. I really shouldn't care, I really shouldn't. And I try really REALLY hard not to think about it. But it has become a constant everyday thing.
I just needed to vent a little. Feel free to post something if you have an idea or just a word of support. Thanks everyone.
And ignore what she is doing. Especially since she didn't ask you for money to buy that sandwich. What you might have said was something like "oh if I had known you were getting food I would have made less for dinner". Otherwise if it doesn't affect you ignore it.
Hope you are doing well Tigg.