I'm not understanding what the question is Edger, can you elaborate on what you are looking for advice on?

I would just have firm boundaries in place and a loving heart ... I hope that any interactions and family time go well Edger... It must be hard to see your mom go into a nursing home.... Big hug and a blessing that all goes well with your brother....xo

How to deal with and communicate with a person who gets angry easily. Way out of proportion to the situation. Who thinks their option is always right. Who has unrealistic expectations of everyday life and situations. Who has to have the best, most expencive of everything. Not just for him but for mom too.

The only time we communicate is over mom. Now that she is in rehab and also very sick I will be communicating with him a lot more than normal. For example , sending him a phone I purchase for mom's nursing home room and felling him to take it to her and plug it in. Tell me when he does it so I can call phone company to set up account. Get him to write moms name in her clothes and take to nursing home. Things like that.
Edger is my screen name. Long story, but I am a woman.

Barbara

Oh, I understand, sorry Barbara. Going forward or until your mother gets home, I would work with the nursing home directly. Talk to the staff and ask what the process is if you need to mail things to her. Such things as marking her clothes, they could probably do for you but from my own experience it didn't matter if things were marked or not. My father's clothes always ended up on someone else. We visited him every day and we couldn't stop it. It was ridiculous!

If I were you, I would just limit the amount of interaction you have to have with your brother and save yourself some stress. He doesn't help, he loves stirring the pot.

Keep talking to the NH staff and stay on top of your mothers care through them. If you see that certain things aren't being done, then you could make a trip up there one day to sort through things AND STILL, keep your distance from your brother. He likes to argue for the sake of the argument....

I would have firm boundaries with your brother... I'd let him know for instance if he starts being abusive due to anger that you will hang up and are willing to talk when he's calm and reasonable

I think it's a good idea you deal more with the nursing home if possible...It sounds like your brother will be there more though..... Big hug...xo

Somethings you just have to sacrifice and do it yourself. Since your mom is quite sick, do the best you can do as far as her care and well being is concerned. Also, investigate if volunteers can help with labelling of her clothes etc. Sometimes it's not worth the energy to deal with siblings.