Family Issues Support Group

Family issues is a huge range that go from minor conflict to major misbehaviour and even abuse on the part of individual members of the family occur. Whether you feel you are in a dysfunctional family or you're dealing with a very specific issue, this is the place to talk about it and find others who might be going through the same thing.

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/ Family Issues Support Group

Child of A Broken Home

al151990
al151990

Hi,


I just joined this community in the hopes of meeting people who would understand what I'm going through. I'm 31 years old. I still live with my family (given our culture; we live in Egypt) and ever since I was born, my parents have been doing nothing but fighting, yelling, screaming and shouting constantly ever since I could remember. My mother is a stay-at-home mom who constantly believe people - especially my fathers' family - are out to get her and destroy her. My father is depressed and doesn't believe in seeking out help or therapy. I have a younger brother who just got diagnosed with MS. 


Because of all the fighting and the trouble, our connection with both sides of the family is obliterated; no one talks to us and we don't talk to anyone. I try my best to keep contact with my cousins, uncles and aunts but with the constant fighting and paranoia, this is practically hell. I don't know what to do; I'm overworking myself to save enough money to buy my own home. But my mother is moving out after yet another major blow out with my father and she will need help in renting a house for her. That puts my plan in pause mode. 


I feel trapped. I feel like I'm suffocating and dying slowly. I feel angry at my parents, at how selfish both of them are for not considering our welfare first and foremost. They kept focusing on blaming each other for their unhappiness, on picking fights and making things worse with their families that they never stopped and thought to themselves what to do with us, with their kids, how they're going to leave them in this life with no one by their sides...I just wish I can end this life and start anew...

urbangardener
urbangardener
I am sorry your home life is so distressing. This sounds really awful. May I suggest you do not pay rent for your mother and continue your plan to purchase your own home? That sounds very western thinking of me but at some point, boundaries are needed, rules are needed, with your mom. You will always be supporting her if you start now. You are trapped and it is causing you depression, and I am sorry about this. Your parents have deep problems but they do not have to ruin your own life. Yes, that is Egypt and a different culture but you must start to think for yourself because your parents have failed you although they are not capable of doing better so we have some compassion. You are so depressed that you are wanting to end this life and that makes me worry for you. Your parents are both unhappy and emotionally damaged or psychologically damaged. You are starting to pick up their emotional damage and make it your own. They blame others because it is easier than working out their issues or problems. They are both very limited emotionally and will work to destroy any happiness you might find. This is why I suggest you figure out how to distance yourself a little bit and start to say no. I am not saying to abandon them or stop loving them. I am saying use your money for your own future. Your mom sounds paranoid and irrational and that is probably like a mental health disorder that you can't fix. You don't "owe" her rent at this point, as it jeopardizes your own future. And paying rent for your mom is not good for her either as she has ruined everything she touches due to her mental health problems. Your future must now be first consideration. Your brother may need help in the future. Maybe you and him could plan to save up and get out of the house together? You must consider finding a life line for yourself. You can seek better for yourself because you are worth fighting for. This mess that your parents have created can not be your legacy -- better is waiting for you. Are you religious? If yes, ask the Creator to give you strength, wisdom, and courage to create a new life on your own. I am a grandmother and I say fight for your own healthy, happy life. Get counseling on your own and keep it a secret from your family. I am not saying hate your parents, I am saying love yourself enough as the Creator loves you, to fight for a new life on your own. They will pull you back and be angry but you are drowning and need to save yourself first. They can not change but you can change for your own future. I am hoping you can find the courage to embrace a new life that is healthy for you. We can still love difficult people without being able to live with them in the same house.
jannytheresa
jannytheresa
I am so sorry that you are going through this. It's horrible when you
are a witness to your parents fighting and verbal abuse toward each other. I can understand how trapped you must feel. I am guessing that you care
for your brother?
It seems like your parents have made this mess--you don't have to clean it up.
Stepping away may actually help the whole situation. You deserve a happy life filled with hope and love. You feel like you are dying slowly.
Can you stay with a trusted, stable family member until you figure things out? Can your brother find a safe place as well. This isn't your fault. Wishing you strength, hope and peace
Community LeaderSunCloudJD
SunCloudJD
Welcome to the board Al15.... I am so sorry that you're in such a mess and I agree with the others....Go on with your plans for yourself

Your mom is an adult and can find a way to fix her own problems

I think you should move ahead with your goals for buying or renting your own home.... If you need to move out earlier due to the tension could you rent an apt?

I would let your parents sort out their marriage on their own..... Big hug.... I hope that you can find some peace soon.... xo
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