Family Issues Support Group
Family issues is a huge range that go from minor conflict to major misbehaviour and even abuse on the part of individual members of the family occur. Whether you feel you are in a dysfunctional family or you're dealing with a very specific issue, this is the place to talk about it and find others who might be going through the same thing.
Hi. I'm Emil and I'm new to this forum. I am currently at my wits end with my family. I moved in with them at the end of last year after being in an abusive marriage. At first it seemed like a great fit since my family is aging and have health problems off and on and I needed to get back on my feet. And for a time I did. However, I lost my job in June and since then I've been finding myself being thrust into an akward position. I'm expected to be the adult caretaker of my forgetful aunt, adult older diabetic brother and elderly brother. But I am treated like a child when I try to set any boundaries. I feel I cannot say no to requests that are made no matter how ridiculous or non-urgent without getting guilted or manipulated into it. For example, I had to go to four separate stores tonight to try to find a specific kind of tv dinner for my brother who wasn't feeling well. Stuff like this, the little stuff, frustrates me and I become a snapping, irritable person which I feel guilty about. I'm currently the only one in my family taking care of them. My sister used to, but peaced out probably for the same reason. I just feel burnt out and depressed. All my love for them has been worn down until only obligation is left. I would appreciate if anyone has any advice or even a small word of encouragement.
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Happy hump day! Check in so we know you're here.
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Do you think having anxiety could lead into depression? What are your thoughts?
Can you get out of the house everyday, go to the library or something, work on looking jobs up there, etc? Maintaining a regular schedule of looking for work will help you find a job. Plus the routine of getting up, getting ready, dressing like you would for a job, can help maintain your moral.
Without you in the house all day, everyday, the rest of them (possibly) be less dependent and less demanding.
Meanwhile...do you have any outside support? Friends? Being unemployeed is really difficult...a book club, someone to say hi to on a daily walk...the small things can really make a difference.
Last, I want to THANKYOU for helping to take care of family. It's a tough demanding, largely thankless job.
Hopefully you can find a job soon, and then you and your sister can split responsiblities taking care of them.
I took care of my parents for the last several years of their lives and you really do lose yourself in it.... It's incredibly demanding and very painful at times
There is a Caring for Aging Parents board on here that might be helpful... Even though this isn't your parents the scenario is much the same as well there is a Caregivers board on here
I'm not sure where you are living I would look into Community Health and see if there is some help available to you
As well I would call a family meeting if they're able to have rational discuss and state what you can and can't do.....
For instance maybe it would be reasonable to state I will go to the store 3 times a week so that if you have any requests make a little list and in between you'll have to wait until the next store run
People that need care all of the time due become 'it's all about my needs' so you may have to have some boundaries in place and that isn't to be mean they may not be able to do for themselves anymore so that they look to their caregiver
I would also look to your sister for respite help.... Let her know that you need some off time and could really use a little help
I agree with Patti to take some time for yourself when you can or plan some time for you
Gentle hug and a blessing......xo
https://www.dailystrength.org/group/caring-for-aging-parents