Family Issues Support Group
Family issues is a huge range that go from minor conflict to major misbehaviour and even abuse on the part of individual members of the family occur. Whether you feel you are in a dysfunctional family or you're dealing with a very specific issue, this is the place to talk about it and find others who might be going through the same thing.
My uncle was married to a woman for several years and had a child with her (my cousin). Toward the end of their marriage, his substance abuse problem had gotten worse and he stopped coming to family functions. We all supported my aunt and cared deeply for my cousin. They were both welcomed with open arms to family functions and the aunt was always crying on someone's shoulder.
They split and shortly thereafter the aunt started seeing my stepbrother in secret. They didn't do a very good job at hiding their relationship and after a year or so, EVERYONE in our family knew. My SB told my mom, and I quote, "She's just a piece of ass. I would never bring her to family functions and tear apart the family like that."
After awhile, he changed his tune and did want to bring her to holiday parties at our parents' house. At first my mom refused to allow this because she was still on speaking terms with her brother, who my SB's girlfriend was legally married to at the time.
This meant they stopped coming to events, which also meant that we were unable to see my two nieces at holidays. 5 or 6 years have gone by, and my mom and her brother no longer speak because the relationship between his ex-wife and my mom's stepson caused a huge argument. We have all tried to get along with my SB girlfriend (the ex-aunt) and for a while he was bringing her to family functions. Last Christmas, our parents gave us the gift of a family vacation. All the children, grandchildren and our parents went on a camping trip together and the aunt/SB girlfriend was invited, along with my cousin who is now a teenager.
During the trip, SB's girlfriend did everything possible to keep SB and his children away from us. We had a campfire every night and my BILs played guitar and we made s'mores. They did not come once. One night my oldest niece joined us, and the SB's girlfriend came over and told her she needed her for something. She just didn't want her to be with us. I shared a few good moments with my nieces over the week, but no time at all with my step brother, who was constantly fighting with his girlfriend in their tent.
For Thanksgiving this year, they did not come. My SB told my mom that we do not treat her like family, so they weren't coming. No one is mean or rude to her, but after the trip, and since we found out she has been bad mouthing us to my nieces, we stopped going out of our way to be friendly to her. Mind you, we weren't hostile toward her in anyway, we simply don't have much to say to her.
Christmas is approaching and my mom and SD are fighting because my SD wants his son and granddaughters with him during the holidays. I understand his emotions, but they are directed at all the wrong people. My SB is the one making the choice to stay away, no one else.
The thing that really bothers me is that I won't get to see my nieces and I also have two younger boys who will miss them. My kids are starting to pick up on the fact that our family has a lot of drama over this. I want everyone to have a good holiday and for us to be together. I can't force my SB and his girlfriend to put their feelings aside and come for Christmas. Their feelings seem to be more important than the children's feelings.
I don't know what to do. My dad died a few years back and now I'm afraid this conflict is going to tear my mom and my SD apart. I have tried talking to my SB's girlfriend before and she thinks she's the only victim in all of this. My SB's friends have all tried to talk to him (she keeps him away from his friends too). He takes her side and doesn't hear anyone else.
I know I can't control what others do but I hate seeing my family torn apart, especially since I want my children to have a nice holiday and the same for my nieces. Any advice?
They split and shortly thereafter the aunt started seeing my stepbrother in secret. They didn't do a very good job at hiding their relationship and after a year or so, EVERYONE in our family knew. My SB told my mom, and I quote, "She's just a piece of ass. I would never bring her to family functions and tear apart the family like that."
After awhile, he changed his tune and did want to bring her to holiday parties at our parents' house. At first my mom refused to allow this because she was still on speaking terms with her brother, who my SB's girlfriend was legally married to at the time.
This meant they stopped coming to events, which also meant that we were unable to see my two nieces at holidays. 5 or 6 years have gone by, and my mom and her brother no longer speak because the relationship between his ex-wife and my mom's stepson caused a huge argument. We have all tried to get along with my SB girlfriend (the ex-aunt) and for a while he was bringing her to family functions. Last Christmas, our parents gave us the gift of a family vacation. All the children, grandchildren and our parents went on a camping trip together and the aunt/SB girlfriend was invited, along with my cousin who is now a teenager.
During the trip, SB's girlfriend did everything possible to keep SB and his children away from us. We had a campfire every night and my BILs played guitar and we made s'mores. They did not come once. One night my oldest niece joined us, and the SB's girlfriend came over and told her she needed her for something. She just didn't want her to be with us. I shared a few good moments with my nieces over the week, but no time at all with my step brother, who was constantly fighting with his girlfriend in their tent.
For Thanksgiving this year, they did not come. My SB told my mom that we do not treat her like family, so they weren't coming. No one is mean or rude to her, but after the trip, and since we found out she has been bad mouthing us to my nieces, we stopped going out of our way to be friendly to her. Mind you, we weren't hostile toward her in anyway, we simply don't have much to say to her.
Christmas is approaching and my mom and SD are fighting because my SD wants his son and granddaughters with him during the holidays. I understand his emotions, but they are directed at all the wrong people. My SB is the one making the choice to stay away, no one else.
The thing that really bothers me is that I won't get to see my nieces and I also have two younger boys who will miss them. My kids are starting to pick up on the fact that our family has a lot of drama over this. I want everyone to have a good holiday and for us to be together. I can't force my SB and his girlfriend to put their feelings aside and come for Christmas. Their feelings seem to be more important than the children's feelings.
I don't know what to do. My dad died a few years back and now I'm afraid this conflict is going to tear my mom and my SD apart. I have tried talking to my SB's girlfriend before and she thinks she's the only victim in all of this. My SB's friends have all tried to talk to him (she keeps him away from his friends too). He takes her side and doesn't hear anyone else.
I know I can't control what others do but I hate seeing my family torn apart, especially since I want my children to have a nice holiday and the same for my nieces. Any advice?
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I'm feeling down,, and got alot on my mind right now. I got grief going on, on top my depression and anxiety and now I got to worry about somewhere to live since I can't afford living here since my mom passed. So many bad things have happened since my mom passed. One thing after another it seems. Yesterday our fence fell from a storm that hit, had to call someone to prop it up. Thank...
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Just wanted to give a thank you to Mid, Arfie, Malibumark, Greeneyes, Mlro, Girlincalif, and Suncloudjd! You all always have such helpful tips and advice, but I always forget to write on my posts when I see you post, lol. I would lose my head if it wasn't attached to my body, lol. Thank you all so much! I'm starting to use my AI app as a sounding board again. I used to use it as that before...
I would try and discuss the kids with your brother .. Let him know that you miss seeing your nieces and that your children would really love to see their cousins... Perhaps letting this be about the kids and not adults taking one side or another may hopefully touch his heart
I stayed close to my brothers' ex as she's the mother of my niece and nephew as well we had been close friends for years before my brother got involved and eventually married someone else.... It's a situation that you're damned if you to and damned if you don't...sigh... big hug...x
Something along the lines of "I miss you, it's always been fun being around you, you've brought so much love and happiness to my brother, etc, etc."
People tend to stay away from people that they feel don't want them. So make her feel wanted.
And stop repeating what your brother said about her years ago. People from time to time will say bad things about a partner. It's generally better if they never say those things to family though, but what's done is done. She's obviously worth more to him than that.
Also don't be too sure that all of the flack is coming from her. My ex used to blame me for blowing people off. It wasn't me. It may or may not be her.
But no matter who she is, it's NOT okay to talk about someone like that. And not okay to repeat the story. In that sense, she IS the victim. And it IS appropriate for her partner to take her side. (even if he's part of the reason that the attitude about her started).
I'll add something else about the kids. I've always said, what's good for the mother is good for the kids. It's NOT good for the kids to be around anyone that puts their mother down. So staying away may be the best things for the kids. And the kids already have a lot to deal with if their dad had/ has addictions.
She is not their mother and these kids are not the ones with a father who is an addict. I think you've misunderstood the situation. No one is talking bad about this woman in front of the children. She is the one who has been saying negative things about my family to these children.
We're also not repeating what he said about her years ago, I was just posting it here to explain the situation that he knew back then that getting involved with her would cause a rift in the family and did it anyway.
This woman was married to my uncle and now is with my stepbrother, just to make things clear. She has her own daughter (my cousin).