Family Issues Support Group
Family issues is a huge range that go from minor conflict to major misbehaviour and even abuse on the part of individual members of the family occur. Whether you feel you are in a dysfunctional family or you're dealing with a very specific issue, this is the place to talk about it and find others who might be going through the same thing.
So I am going to try and make a long story short. I have a younger brother who is 26. He has a girlfriend who I found out he was physically abusing. I tried to help and even let the girlfriend come live with me to get away from my brother. Few months later she moved out into her own apartment and started her relationship back up with my brother. And of course the abuse continued. Things just continued to get worse. She lost her job and her apartment and was going to move back into my parents house to live with my brother.
My brother also has addiction issues. Addicted to alcohol and heroin. My family seems blind to the entire thing or just refuse to do anything. My parents are enablers.
Well the girlfriend finally came to her senses and decided she wanted to get away. So while my brother was out of the house she snuck away and I took her to the airport to move back to her home state with a friend.
So when he gets home today he will find out she moved away.
I guess my question or concern is why do I feel guilty and sad for my brother? I know that she needed to get away and I am happy for her, but I can't shake this feeling of sadness.
My brother also has addiction issues. Addicted to alcohol and heroin. My family seems blind to the entire thing or just refuse to do anything. My parents are enablers.
Well the girlfriend finally came to her senses and decided she wanted to get away. So while my brother was out of the house she snuck away and I took her to the airport to move back to her home state with a friend.
So when he gets home today he will find out she moved away.
I guess my question or concern is why do I feel guilty and sad for my brother? I know that she needed to get away and I am happy for her, but I can't shake this feeling of sadness.
He has dual addictions and unless he gets help and help soon there won't be a brother to be concerned about. That's harsh to say, but that's a fact. He will one day inject too much; will fall asleep and go into respiratory arrest. That's what you need to be concerned about here. How much will he want to inject or "shoot up" today when he finds out his girlfriend is gone.
Tough love is hard for anyone to have to enforce but it's time that someone in his family does an intervention. Of course, we can't help someone that doesn't want to be helped.
I would make another attempt to talk to your parents and tell them just how serious his problems are.
I think you need to tell your parents that if they continue to feed his additions. you will have to cut off all 3.
You were a hero to the GF, but you will be viewed as a traitor to the family.
I think I would have done the same thing as you.
I also have 3 older sisters who seem more concerned with their own lives and just don't care to see how serious the issue is.
When I moved her into my home and told her to leave my brother my parents and a couple sisters blamed me and pretty much told me I was wrong for taking the side of a "stranger" and turning my back on my brother. I stopped speaking to my brother because of the whole situation. He finally called me few days ago and I told him that I would only help him if he was calling to tell me he wanted to go to rehab. His words "I can quit heroin when I want". What he seems to forget is he is also an alcoholic as well.
Just not sure how to reach out to my parents without having the same backlash I received the last time I tried to help.
You probably feel guilty because you know your brother will be upset, but you could try to combat those feelings of guilt by telling yourself that you did nothing wrong. Because you didn't do anything wrong; you did everything right. He caused this for himself; you didn't force him to abuse her. He is the one that should feel guilty and not you. You are a great person for helping her.
Rolfo, I don't see how she's enabling him. Maybe a bit codep, but she's not putting up with his addiction...?
Hopefully he will understand if he finds out what you did.
She certainly accepted your help. Are you afraid of violence on the part of your brother? If not, maybe some distancing is needed
You certainly did a great thing for this girl
Its tough being the one who always helps...makes us resent the ones we think should also help....so please don't do that. Its your choice to help