Family Issues Support Group
Family issues is a huge range that go from minor conflict to major misbehaviour and even abuse on the part of individual members of the family occur. Whether you feel you are in a dysfunctional family or you're dealing with a very specific issue, this is the place to talk about it and find others who might be going through the same thing.
Hi everyone, I need help deciding what to do about the situation between my boyfriend and my sister. Back in April of this year my sister and I took my dad out to a birthday lunch, my sister and mom got in a fight and my sister started ordering beers.
She is a recovering alcoholic and can be a real mean drunk. She came back to my house about 4 beers later and raided my liquor cabinet and got pretty drunk. She was blacked out and crying and calling me names and my boyfriend and I were carrying her kids to the car and trying to get her to get into the car so I could take her and her kids, (both toddlers), home to her place which is about 35 miles outside of town.
She was refusing to go because she was mad at me and trying to take her kids on the bus at 10:30 at night with no coats and only one stroller and I knew the bus wouldn't make it out to her house and she was stumbling drunk so I was trying to beg her not to go. My boyfriend said he would take her if she wouldn't go with me, he was holding her son and begging her to get in the car when she started cussing at him and then grabbed him by the neck and tried to choke him,I broke it up and she took off.
Now, the next day she apologized to me and when I told her she needed to apologize to my boyfriend she said, "is he gonna apologize to me for trying to take my son, (she accused him of trying to kidnap her kid)". And she absolutely refuses to own up to what she did and apologize to him or admit that she was wrong even though she doesn't remember most of that night.
Now she hates him because she thinks she had a right to put her hands on him, and he hates her because he thinks she's a shitty mom and immature, and he says he will never see her again because of this mess, and now I am in a situation where I can't even have my family and boyfriend around each other on birthdays or holidays and I can't even take us all on family trips or BBQ's because of this.
WHAT DO I DO?! HELP, PLEASE.
She is a recovering alcoholic and can be a real mean drunk. She came back to my house about 4 beers later and raided my liquor cabinet and got pretty drunk. She was blacked out and crying and calling me names and my boyfriend and I were carrying her kids to the car and trying to get her to get into the car so I could take her and her kids, (both toddlers), home to her place which is about 35 miles outside of town.
She was refusing to go because she was mad at me and trying to take her kids on the bus at 10:30 at night with no coats and only one stroller and I knew the bus wouldn't make it out to her house and she was stumbling drunk so I was trying to beg her not to go. My boyfriend said he would take her if she wouldn't go with me, he was holding her son and begging her to get in the car when she started cussing at him and then grabbed him by the neck and tried to choke him,I broke it up and she took off.
Now, the next day she apologized to me and when I told her she needed to apologize to my boyfriend she said, "is he gonna apologize to me for trying to take my son, (she accused him of trying to kidnap her kid)". And she absolutely refuses to own up to what she did and apologize to him or admit that she was wrong even though she doesn't remember most of that night.
Now she hates him because she thinks she had a right to put her hands on him, and he hates her because he thinks she's a shitty mom and immature, and he says he will never see her again because of this mess, and now I am in a situation where I can't even have my family and boyfriend around each other on birthdays or holidays and I can't even take us all on family trips or BBQ's because of this.
WHAT DO I DO?! HELP, PLEASE.
If I were you, I'd stage a meeting with your parents with or without her and tell them what she did and how there needs to be consequence for her behavior, and it shouldn't mean punishing your bf.
Shitty mom and immature? Sounds about right.
She didn't care about her kids, and the time you and your boyfriend spent wrestling with her, is time the police should have spent wrestling her into a squad car to get her to a jail cell. Don't waste time with a drunk and let the police do it.
What you and your mother are doing is enabling the situation. Apparently there are no real consequences for your sister's actions because she's never held accountable. She offers up an apology after the fact and her behavior is forgiven. If she's a recovering alcoholic why would anyone in the family especially in the presence of her two young children allow her to drink anything alcohol related? I certainly wouldn't have let her within 50 ft of any alcohol I had in my home; children there or not.
I agree with your BF, why would he ever want or desire to put himself in a social situation where one of the family members could physically attack him? He sounds like a responsible adult and one that takes that type of behavior very seriously. She's got a long way to go in changing his personal opinion of her. She's lucky that he didn't call the police that evening and have her arrested!
I'd put your sister on a very short leash. She either stays sober or she can suffer the consequences but going forward you have her children's best interest at heart.
She's not responsible, getting that drunk when you have children to take care of is "child neglect". She needs to be held accountable.
very poor advice "call the police on your sister"
People with alcohol problems need medical help not the police.
Shophias I believe your sister needs help, and support cleary she is not well, and she will be your sister for the rest of your life, boyfriends came and go.
Many times, the only way an addict makes any changes is to hit bottom. As ATGB suggested, calling the police on the sister's abysmal behavior may be what she needs.
You're dreaming in technicolor if you think that the "family" alone has the skills to reform an addict all on their own. And, no amount of family pleading is going to get that person on the road to recovery. From the description above, the family are enablers just hoping that she'll come around all on her own...
ATG's advice was solid and dead on!