Sorry.

Biggest thing I can say is stick to your guns with your daughter. She should NEVER be alone with your sister if you sister is truly like that.

Sounds like she needs to get a better doctor, too.

Best wishes for you all.

That's a tough situation for you. Before any gastric bypass surgery was done, your sister should have had a full physical to ensure there were no other medical issues that needed to be addressed prior to that surgery. The diabetes would be under control if she's a type 2 with weight loss. I'm assuming she has medication for the thyroid condition?

There are a lot of medications that can not be taken at the same time; one adversely affects the others so the doctor is probably looking to treat certain conditions that are the most important.

Whatever the case for her physical health; it's the emotional state that I would be most concerned about if your intentions are to ultimately let your child spend an overnight?

My two cents: She has way too many physical and psychological issues that need to be addressed before it could ever be considered a safe environment for your daughter to be left alone in. It wouldn't even be a consideration in my mind to allow my 3 year old to spend any time alone with her.

It's not meant to be offensive to you, just looking to err on the side of caution.

I'm sorry there's no easy solution for you but your sister has way too many obstacles ahead of her at this point in time.

you are very right to keep your child this type of environment. does your child spend the night any other places? because, if not, you can always tell your sister that you feel your daughter is "too young" to be out of your house, etc...

my in-laws have been asking that my children sleepover at their house, which is a big NO for me...not only have they attacked me verbally, but that it how they are -- angry and defensive -- even with each other!

i do not, and will not tolerate that type of behavior. fine, do it to me, but you ever try that with my children and you better watch yourself. LoL. i'm slowly learning that i should not take it when it's directed at me, because...well, my children are watching and i'm sure they're connecting dots and will think "if mom lets them do that to her, then it's okay they do it to us".

but anywho....stick to your guns on this one. no sleepovers.

as for the doctor...i'm sure he didn't do it to ruin your life or anyone else's for that matter (unless this doctor hit on you in the past and you turned him down? jk)....he needs to go through the list to see which meds are okay to take with what...and he also wants to weed out the ones that aren't too important....OR that are not needed (like pd said)...

obviously...she needs her bipolar medications....hopefully the doctor figures out some type of medication menu for her...!

BTW- I had a judge put it in our custody order that any time my daughter spends with my parents is through ME. (My ex would take her there in the past. Awkward...)

Why is she pushing for an overnight?

I totally understand WHY the doc took her off the meds. And she was tested before the bypass. However, many many years of crack abuse and alcohol consumption have destroyed her body. She used to eat once every few days when she was using, and that was whatever she could steal from a store so usually a chocolate bar or a bag of chips. So for three years she consumed drugs, alcohol, sugar and fat as her main source of fuel. She just started thyroid medication a few weeks ago.

She pushes for an overnight for alot of reasons. First off, she has three neices and a nephew. All 3-5 years old. Her own kids are 18, 16 and 14. She had her tubes clamped after the last one, and THANK GOD someone talked sense into the doctor who was going to unclamp them a few years back so she could have another. So she went through a phase (while she was using) where she was furious she couldn#t find anyone to reverse the process. Because no doctor will do that for an addict. Once she got clean and was finally allowed around our children it was like she got what she had been craving. And she actually has a close bond with my daughter and her nephew. Her other two neices are my brothers kids and I am actually the only one in the family he gets along with. So she claims that when she is with them she feels better, and I think she hopes an over nighter will cement the relationship with the kids even a little bit more.

Her kids were all close to me. Her son moved with his father when she started using and was denied access to our whole family. I no longer know him. But her daughters and I are close. I raised on of her kids while she was using. Childrens services granted me custody of her then 11 year old daughter when I was 21. It made her go nuts. That they saw me, 9 years younger, as a better parent then she. And now it seems she is always trying to prove herself a fine role model and capable adult around kids.

I`m not sure if any of that makes sense haha. My life is soap opera material and my sister is the star. I won`t be letting my daughter stay there overnight for quite some time. She didn`t meet my daughter until she was almost 1. She showed up to the hospital when Marlow was born but was escorted out by security. There is no way I would put my daughter in harms way. It`s just a stressful situation all the way around.

jolene - you can't let your daughter stay with your sister. If she crashed for some reason, while your daughter is with her - you can't control what she may do.

Can you just tell her that you don't want your daughter staying anywhere else overnight? Make it impersonal - and a sort of a general thing.

You are responsible for the welfare of your daughter and putting her in the hands of your sister just is not wise.

Please don't do this.

I don't plan on doing it :). That's what I've been saying all along. However the whole 'she doesn't stay anywhere' won't fly. She got to travel to her Aunts three hours away last month for a whole 9 days away from us. Plus she has spent the night at two of her other aunts houses and one of her grandmas.

Jolene, I understand your problem with how to tell your sister that your daughter can't stay with her. We have a bipolar person in our family who is frightening. We try to keep her away from our house...but at the same time if we say too much to her we are afraid she will try to kill us...really...she is very violent.

BUT you absolutely CANNOT let your precious daughter stay with her. And I do know telling her that may cause her to become dangerously angry. But your daughter is top priority.

My very large husband was even afraid of this bipolar person in our family. We became so afraid that we moved 50 miles away, into a gated community. We also have a massive alarm system on our house, and we keep our guns loaded and handy. We really are that afraid of her.

I realize you probably can't do anything as drastic as we did to get away from the unstable person. But you need to find a way to keep your daughter away from your sister without causing your sister to want to hurt either one of you.

Will she ever listen to any reasoning at all about her condition? I mean, can you explain that her up and down moods upset your daughter? You know, don't express that you fear for your daughters safety, just mention that your sister's moods can have a negative effect on your little girl. Will that work?

I feel so sad for you. I know what's its like to deal with a bipolar person.