Family Issues Support Group
Family issues is a huge range that go from minor conflict to major misbehaviour and even abuse on the part of individual members of the family occur. Whether you feel you are in a dysfunctional family or you're dealing with a very specific issue, this is the place to talk about it and find others who might be going through the same thing.
Hi, I don't know if this is the right group to post this in, but I'm having a difficult time trying to get thru to my significant other when it comes to things that are important to me. Well, I have been with him for 11 years and he's really not one to communicate his emotions or sensitive side and empathy or understanding and acknowledgement about what I need and ask for from him. He picks and chooses what he responds to and its pissing me off more and more every time he does it. Like for instance, my oldest daughter just moved in with us again and quickly got a couple of interviews set up for near where we live, but its still a good distance away to where she'll have to ride a bike to and from since she or we don't have an extra vehicle for her to use. The bike needs some repairs and we have a parts bike for it, but he hasn't acknowledged helping fix or repair it or getting them out of the shed even and I've asked him about it a few times via text/email and verbally. No response any of those instances at all. I don't know how to work on it or even what it exactly needs and neither does she. He's had them since before we moved in together 10 years ago (a few months before our 10 year old daughter was born). So, I'm at my wits end with this one issue. There's a few others, but I'm working on them with where our relationship is now. Yes, we've been engaged this whole time and have had numerous fights/arguments, but standing my ground on a lot of them over the years has eventually gotten to him and he has improved somewhat to where we don't fight or argue half as much as we were. Any suggestions would be greatly appreciated and welcomed. Also, if there's any questions that you might have about the situation or more about our relationship, please feel free to ask without hesitation cause I am not close minded and am very homest and open about almost everything. Thanks for reading this post and responding ahead of time. Have a good rest of your week!
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Hey All...I hope that you have a lovely, peaceful beginning of your weekI have a bunch of chores that need doing but may put them off til tomorrow and just hang out with my landlord/roomie todayWhat about you?...Anything special going on?Have a great day and take good care of you!!..Xo
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Once again I've had a fever today. I'm not going to the hospital because that's a huge waste of time but I did schedule a dr appointment for Wednesday afternoon.
Does he know how to fix a bike??…. I would talk to him when you and he have some quiet time together.....
I really do think timing is a "big deal".... I wouldn't use texting for anything important to you
I would say to him "name needs her bike fixed so that she can go to work.... Is this something that you can do or would be willing to do for her?"
I would do it when you're alone with him if this can become an issue at a calm time and start with can we talk for a few minutes
Saying you're standing your ground sounds like you're going into this ready to fight.... I would try and shake this off if you can
If he states that he can't do it for whatever reason then discuss another plan to have it fixed...
Big hug... I hope that it works out well for you
There's also a Healthy Relationships board on here …..xo
https://www.dailystrength.org/group/healthy-relationships
My kids are heavily dependent on riding their bikes to and from work. They are THEIR bikes. I have stepped in a few times to help them learn how to fix their bikes...but it's THEIR responsibility to change flat tires, adjust brakes and so on. There are videos on youtube to learn how to do it. They are also responsible for the costs of fixing the bikes. Thus...they're highly motivated to take care of them and to notice when things are going wrong.
So...if you're daughter is over age 12...I suggest telling her that it's her responsibility and NOT having a discussion. That's what I did. It's been years since I've ever had to remind either about carrying their tool kit with them or anything like that. ***I also BANNED a cell phone during their early years. Having to carry their own bikes home when things went wrong, in the cold and rain, makes an impression that me bailing them out...never would have.***
I tend to differ with you. Respect plays an ever so important role in any relationship. Love is over-rated. For me, like and respect are most important.
My confusion is with today’s attitude towards marriage. (I’m from the old school) Please tell me why people get engaged without the intent to marry. What’s the point of being engaged?
I don’t think the issue is about the bike.
What I see is someone who is unhappy that their significant other is not communicating with her. That the energy that she puts into “improving” her partner should be a sign that she is not happy with who her significant other is.
Relationships don’t have to be hard ALL the time.
And, they are not always easy, either.
Relationships are a work in progress. It takes 2 to make it work. No one wants to feel that they have to remind the other person how to behave when it should come naturally - that the person wanted to do it in the first place - on their own, without pushing.
I have an idea for you.....
First, ask him nicely to fix the bike - in these words.
Would you be so kind as to fix the bike so “daughter’s name” can use it for work? (And give him a date she needs it by)
If he says nothing and does nothing, bring the bike to the bike shop, have it fixed and give the bill to your daughter. As SHE is a responsible person and needs to pay for her own transportation to and from work. She is lucky she is getting a free bike, in the first place.
As far as your significant other, I would take a long hard look at your relationship. If this is NOT the first time he has acted this way, don’t be surprised if he doesn’t change. How do you know he has your back? Possibly, couples therapy might help.
I wish you clarity in your relationship. Take Care.
Thanks ladies if you come back to this and read what I replied with! Have a good weekend, too!
Hugs, Patti