Family Issues Support Group
Family issues is a huge range that go from minor conflict to major misbehaviour and even abuse on the part of individual members of the family occur. Whether you feel you are in a dysfunctional family or you're dealing with a very specific issue, this is the place to talk about it and find others who might be going through the same thing.
I have been a member for a while, but don't post a lot! I want advice from ones who have felt what I am about to say. I will try to keep it short!
My husband and I have 3 kids ( 2 together, 1 not). We have had several problems from screaming, yelling, cussing each other to finances, kid stuff, etc...(you get the point...typical marriage I suppose). However now I don't want to fight, I don't want to talk, I don't care what is going on anymore. I am pretty tired of it all. We have been together for 11 years and married for 8 years. My question is, is it ok to give up and move on to be happy or should I stay, suck it up, and keep my kids in a 2 parent house. Our 10 year old, will have issues if I leave...major daddy's girl, but in the same sense she always comes to me when she has heard the yelling and tells me "when daddy screams it scares me" I grew up in the same thing and I hated hearing my parents scream and fight (mostly my dad screaming, which is pretty much how it is at my house). I hate confrontation! Our son I am not sure how he would respond to it, he is 8. My daughter is 15 and she would be happy to get out of the mess!!
I loved this man at one time, but when I look at him now I don't feel anything (so needless to say that adds another fight, because everything (I feel) is about sex or in his words I am not affectionate to/with him and as long as I don't feel anything the last thing I want is that, but will give in to try and keep peace). I look at him sometimes and think, "who is this person in front of me?". He tells me that the kids and I are his life, to a degree I understand that, but I truly don't feel anything!! We have "happy" times, but trips/vacation trips are miserable, because nothing can be agreed on...if its just the kids and I we have a blast! He constantly needs to be told everything going on. He gets mad if the kids and I don't acknowledge everything that he says to us even if its just a comment. Last night, the kids were going to bed, they gave us both hugs and kisses, then our 10 yr old went to the bathroom before bed, she comes out and says night mommy love you and into the room she went, he got mad, he said oh I guess I am not sitting here.....she didn't deliberately pass him over, but I was sitting facing her so she just said it...I don't see what there is to get mad over. My 15 yr old daughter hibernates in her room, she is 15...he says she hasn't said 10 words to him all year (could be true) but she is a girl and they have nothing in common. It is always conflict, no one knows when he is going to explode! IDK what to do.....sorry this turned to a rant...if anyone has a similar situation and could shed light, PLEASE DO!!
Thanks for reading my rant/vent.
My husband and I have 3 kids ( 2 together, 1 not). We have had several problems from screaming, yelling, cussing each other to finances, kid stuff, etc...(you get the point...typical marriage I suppose). However now I don't want to fight, I don't want to talk, I don't care what is going on anymore. I am pretty tired of it all. We have been together for 11 years and married for 8 years. My question is, is it ok to give up and move on to be happy or should I stay, suck it up, and keep my kids in a 2 parent house. Our 10 year old, will have issues if I leave...major daddy's girl, but in the same sense she always comes to me when she has heard the yelling and tells me "when daddy screams it scares me" I grew up in the same thing and I hated hearing my parents scream and fight (mostly my dad screaming, which is pretty much how it is at my house). I hate confrontation! Our son I am not sure how he would respond to it, he is 8. My daughter is 15 and she would be happy to get out of the mess!!
I loved this man at one time, but when I look at him now I don't feel anything (so needless to say that adds another fight, because everything (I feel) is about sex or in his words I am not affectionate to/with him and as long as I don't feel anything the last thing I want is that, but will give in to try and keep peace). I look at him sometimes and think, "who is this person in front of me?". He tells me that the kids and I are his life, to a degree I understand that, but I truly don't feel anything!! We have "happy" times, but trips/vacation trips are miserable, because nothing can be agreed on...if its just the kids and I we have a blast! He constantly needs to be told everything going on. He gets mad if the kids and I don't acknowledge everything that he says to us even if its just a comment. Last night, the kids were going to bed, they gave us both hugs and kisses, then our 10 yr old went to the bathroom before bed, she comes out and says night mommy love you and into the room she went, he got mad, he said oh I guess I am not sitting here.....she didn't deliberately pass him over, but I was sitting facing her so she just said it...I don't see what there is to get mad over. My 15 yr old daughter hibernates in her room, she is 15...he says she hasn't said 10 words to him all year (could be true) but she is a girl and they have nothing in common. It is always conflict, no one knows when he is going to explode! IDK what to do.....sorry this turned to a rant...if anyone has a similar situation and could shed light, PLEASE DO!!
Thanks for reading my rant/vent.
Thanks again everyone who has commented/advised/shared with me on here! It means the world to me!!
I do agree that marriage and family therapy may be a good idea. I also would suggest a book called The Five Languages of Love. I understand you are exhausted and sound very stoic at this point and I would be too. If this relationship is something that you want then work must be done. I think you both still have some figuring out to do about each other. No matter how long you have been together, continual exploration of each other is important. Maybe it will help you find the excitement again in your marriage. Just remember, a marriage certificate doesn't guarantee happiness. What can you do to make yourself happy again?
Hope this helps and good luck.