Family Issues Support Group
Family issues is a huge range that go from minor conflict to major misbehaviour and even abuse on the part of individual members of the family occur. Whether you feel you are in a dysfunctional family or you're dealing with a very specific issue, this is the place to talk about it and find others who might be going through the same thing.
I have been a member for a while, but don't post a lot! I want advice from ones who have felt what I am about to say. I will try to keep it short!
My husband and I have 3 kids ( 2 together, 1 not). We have had several problems from screaming, yelling, cussing each other to finances, kid stuff, etc...(you get the point...typical marriage I suppose). However now I don't want to fight, I don't want to talk, I don't care what is going on anymore. I am pretty tired of it all. We have been together for 11 years and married for 8 years. My question is, is it ok to give up and move on to be happy or should I stay, suck it up, and keep my kids in a 2 parent house. Our 10 year old, will have issues if I leave...major daddy's girl, but in the same sense she always comes to me when she has heard the yelling and tells me "when daddy screams it scares me" I grew up in the same thing and I hated hearing my parents scream and fight (mostly my dad screaming, which is pretty much how it is at my house). I hate confrontation! Our son I am not sure how he would respond to it, he is 8. My daughter is 15 and she would be happy to get out of the mess!!
I loved this man at one time, but when I look at him now I don't feel anything (so needless to say that adds another fight, because everything (I feel) is about sex or in his words I am not affectionate to/with him and as long as I don't feel anything the last thing I want is that, but will give in to try and keep peace). I look at him sometimes and think, "who is this person in front of me?". He tells me that the kids and I are his life, to a degree I understand that, but I truly don't feel anything!! We have "happy" times, but trips/vacation trips are miserable, because nothing can be agreed on...if its just the kids and I we have a blast! He constantly needs to be told everything going on. He gets mad if the kids and I don't acknowledge everything that he says to us even if its just a comment. Last night, the kids were going to bed, they gave us both hugs and kisses, then our 10 yr old went to the bathroom before bed, she comes out and says night mommy love you and into the room she went, he got mad, he said oh I guess I am not sitting here.....she didn't deliberately pass him over, but I was sitting facing her so she just said it...I don't see what there is to get mad over. My 15 yr old daughter hibernates in her room, she is 15...he says she hasn't said 10 words to him all year (could be true) but she is a girl and they have nothing in common. It is always conflict, no one knows when he is going to explode! IDK what to do.....sorry this turned to a rant...if anyone has a similar situation and could shed light, PLEASE DO!!
Thanks for reading my rant/vent.
My husband and I have 3 kids ( 2 together, 1 not). We have had several problems from screaming, yelling, cussing each other to finances, kid stuff, etc...(you get the point...typical marriage I suppose). However now I don't want to fight, I don't want to talk, I don't care what is going on anymore. I am pretty tired of it all. We have been together for 11 years and married for 8 years. My question is, is it ok to give up and move on to be happy or should I stay, suck it up, and keep my kids in a 2 parent house. Our 10 year old, will have issues if I leave...major daddy's girl, but in the same sense she always comes to me when she has heard the yelling and tells me "when daddy screams it scares me" I grew up in the same thing and I hated hearing my parents scream and fight (mostly my dad screaming, which is pretty much how it is at my house). I hate confrontation! Our son I am not sure how he would respond to it, he is 8. My daughter is 15 and she would be happy to get out of the mess!!
I loved this man at one time, but when I look at him now I don't feel anything (so needless to say that adds another fight, because everything (I feel) is about sex or in his words I am not affectionate to/with him and as long as I don't feel anything the last thing I want is that, but will give in to try and keep peace). I look at him sometimes and think, "who is this person in front of me?". He tells me that the kids and I are his life, to a degree I understand that, but I truly don't feel anything!! We have "happy" times, but trips/vacation trips are miserable, because nothing can be agreed on...if its just the kids and I we have a blast! He constantly needs to be told everything going on. He gets mad if the kids and I don't acknowledge everything that he says to us even if its just a comment. Last night, the kids were going to bed, they gave us both hugs and kisses, then our 10 yr old went to the bathroom before bed, she comes out and says night mommy love you and into the room she went, he got mad, he said oh I guess I am not sitting here.....she didn't deliberately pass him over, but I was sitting facing her so she just said it...I don't see what there is to get mad over. My 15 yr old daughter hibernates in her room, she is 15...he says she hasn't said 10 words to him all year (could be true) but she is a girl and they have nothing in common. It is always conflict, no one knows when he is going to explode! IDK what to do.....sorry this turned to a rant...if anyone has a similar situation and could shed light, PLEASE DO!!
Thanks for reading my rant/vent.
Have you thought about marriage counseling? Eventually, you'll have to have the talk. It's either we try this or we end this.
It's not a rant to me. That personality type is absolutely mentally and emotionally exhausting!
--EJ
I'd suggest marriage counseling and see what he says. His reaction will tell you a lot.
My husband has never been physical, but everything I have read states it could turn physical. If he EVER laid hands on me or my kids I would leave that day!! I am just worried this is affecting them more than I see. My 15 year old and I were talking yesterday and she told me that she knows I am unhappy and all she wants is for me to be happy. She also said with all the fighting and arguing, she has no feelings for him as her dad anymore and hasn't for a long time (she is his stepdaughter, but has been with him since she was 4 years old)
@ epicjourney I wish it was that easy, even if I walk away he is still my kids dad I will never be rid of him...just weighing options, but thank you for you advice :)
@ DeliAnnem I have mentioned counseling in the past, but he wouldn't do it. I have always read you marry what you know...I don't want my kids marrying into a situation because they grew up in it. I see different triggers in my son already that he is a lot like his dad..quick temper, cussing (without actually cussing i.e. freak you instead of f*** you) my husband has a BAD vocabulary.
Thank you all for commenting and giving your story/experience at least if nothing other I know I am not fighting alone :) Hugs to you all.
I'd consider leaving at this point.
Ask yourself the question. Is this man going to provide my children with what they need to be healthy, happy people when they reach 18 years of age? If not, then it is your responsibility to leave him and choose another man. that simple, honey, really.
Leave this guy before he does further damage. Use the court system and make him provide minimal financial support to see that his kids are raised properlyi, then do your best.
Your kids are counting on you.
--EJ
Let me share something with you. After I divorced my abusive wife, my daughter told me a few months later that she really wished I had divorced her mother years earlier because the fights really upset her. Trust me, your kids know things are not right between the two of you and they should not grow up with a dysfunctional marriage as a role model.
very best,
--EJ
Consult a lawyer before you do or say anything. If he isn't abusive (yet) you may try counseling before changing everyone's world. If you have a good job, etc., then it will be much, much easier. If not, take your time and use your head instead of emotions. JMOs