Family Issues Support Group
Family issues is a huge range that go from minor conflict to major misbehaviour and even abuse on the part of individual members of the family occur. Whether you feel you are in a dysfunctional family or you're dealing with a very specific issue, this is the place to talk about it and find others who might be going through the same thing.
Hi Everyone. My husband and I are having a disagreement over going on vacation. We had to move houses about 9 months ago for our daughter to get into a school district that had the right services for her (high functioning autism and needs OT/speech). Our old house hasn't sold. We have a nice couple that want to buy it and have been renting it from us for 6 months. We just found out their credit score hasn't come up enough to get a loan (both of them had been in relationships over 3 years ago that lead to some irresponsible spending; they have since cleaned up their reports and paid off all the old debt in collections as well as paying everything current). We knew this was a risk and isn't a huge shock. We agreed to allow them to rent for 1 more year. If their scores haven't come up by then so they can buy the house , we told them and they agreed we'd put the house back on the market. We are living in a rental house, so we don't have the financial risk of two mortgages.
Here's the problem...my husband is accustomed to going on a week long missions trip every summer with our church HS youth group. They are doing something over spring break this year instead (hubby is not going due to a conflict at work). So, hubby wants to go on a family vacation which we have never done. The last 3 years he's had the mission trips, the year before that I was on bedrest with a complicated pregnancy, and before that we didn't ever go anywhere because we spent so much money on getting our daughter the right therapies for her autism (which is the reason she is so high functioning today). I don't want to go on vacation because we don't currently have quite enough money in savings for a 3 month emergency fund and we are only putting $50 a month in retirement because it's all we can afford until the house sells (after that things will be alot better as the rent we charge currently does not cover our 15 year mortgage plus house taxes and insurance...it would cover a 30 year but not the 15 year we have and hubby is dead set against refinancing only to turn around and sell it a year later). Hubby wants to go and says taking about 20% of our emergency fund to go on vacation is not a big deal. I came up with this solution...it's always been an irritation to me that hubby's mother always kept any money we got back in taxes for the child tax credit along with my refund. I get that hubby owns a small part of the business (14% and his mother owns 86%) so all of his tax refund goes back into the business, but why should the tax credit for kids go back to his mommy? I pay for daycare (and all expenses for that matter except hubby's gas/maintenance on his truck he uses for work) out of our take home pay. I told hubby if you want to go on vacation, you can get the child tax credit money back from mommy (I didn't even ask for my refund back) and use that money to go on vacation with. He got VERY angry and moody with me. He will never talk to his mommy about anything...even when mommy screamed at our kids and hit other grandchildren in front of my kids (on a couple of occasions). So, I had to step in and prevent my MIL from being around the kids unless I was around about 18 months ago. Anyway, am I being unreasonable for saying the only way I feel ok with going on vacation is if we get to keep the child tax credit money this year and the emergency fund not be touched? Thanks in advance. My MIL is toxic and I hate her so much for what she's done to our family that I'm questioning if I'm being reasonable or not.
Here's the problem...my husband is accustomed to going on a week long missions trip every summer with our church HS youth group. They are doing something over spring break this year instead (hubby is not going due to a conflict at work). So, hubby wants to go on a family vacation which we have never done. The last 3 years he's had the mission trips, the year before that I was on bedrest with a complicated pregnancy, and before that we didn't ever go anywhere because we spent so much money on getting our daughter the right therapies for her autism (which is the reason she is so high functioning today). I don't want to go on vacation because we don't currently have quite enough money in savings for a 3 month emergency fund and we are only putting $50 a month in retirement because it's all we can afford until the house sells (after that things will be alot better as the rent we charge currently does not cover our 15 year mortgage plus house taxes and insurance...it would cover a 30 year but not the 15 year we have and hubby is dead set against refinancing only to turn around and sell it a year later). Hubby wants to go and says taking about 20% of our emergency fund to go on vacation is not a big deal. I came up with this solution...it's always been an irritation to me that hubby's mother always kept any money we got back in taxes for the child tax credit along with my refund. I get that hubby owns a small part of the business (14% and his mother owns 86%) so all of his tax refund goes back into the business, but why should the tax credit for kids go back to his mommy? I pay for daycare (and all expenses for that matter except hubby's gas/maintenance on his truck he uses for work) out of our take home pay. I told hubby if you want to go on vacation, you can get the child tax credit money back from mommy (I didn't even ask for my refund back) and use that money to go on vacation with. He got VERY angry and moody with me. He will never talk to his mommy about anything...even when mommy screamed at our kids and hit other grandchildren in front of my kids (on a couple of occasions). So, I had to step in and prevent my MIL from being around the kids unless I was around about 18 months ago. Anyway, am I being unreasonable for saying the only way I feel ok with going on vacation is if we get to keep the child tax credit money this year and the emergency fund not be touched? Thanks in advance. My MIL is toxic and I hate her so much for what she's done to our family that I'm questioning if I'm being reasonable or not.
However, I do think that it is important for your to go on a family vacation. I don't think that this is unreasonable at all. Your child tax credit should go toward family in my opinion....business tax credits should go toward the business.
The real problem isn't so much what is right and wrong but how to deal with your MIL and husband and stand up for yourself. I think that you are being reasonable but it sounds like your hubby does not want to stand up to his mother. Good Luck. Don't eny your position
maebeth, I really trust your own judgement with this situation. You offer such great support to others here at this forum and I really do thank you for all that you do. mamie has wise and useful insight here as well. I marvel with you both! I'm so sorry for this situation, maebeth and I hope for the best outcome to all of this. Blessings to you and your dear family!
Aelle
Let's put it this way. Any money you get back from the IRS is money that was withheld from your pay. It's not something extra..it's your pay!! The child tax credit can be in excess of taxes withheld but that is a credit from the government to help cover the cost of child care. That is also a personal benefit, not money that came from the business. So unless your husband is taking a pay cut this is your money. If he and mom want to reinvest in the business it should be done in proportion to their ownership percentage.
As to a vacation. Well I think you only do what you can afford. And that does not mean taking from your savings. If you can only put $50 a month toward retirement then how would you pay back the savings?
I think there are two separate issues to deal with. One is the tax return money and the other is vacation. How about doing some local trips? Or how about a family mission trip? Many churches have adventures for the whole family and the cost is small.
What you need to figure out is what exactly is making up your refund. Child tax credit, business taxes paid, personal taxes paid if any. With the exception of the child tax credit you can only get a refund of money you have paid in. If you look at last year's tax return you will see on page two the taxes paid, tax liability and refund.
Then it gets complicated because if your husband takes a salary then he will have federal and state withholding. If they are claiming the business directly on their taxes then the business is making estimated taxes. So it is possible that the business is overpaying it's tax liability and it would be reasonable to expect that excess to return to the business.
But things like the child tax credit and your mortgage interest and taxes are all things that are offsetting your taxes. In a split like you have I really doubt your MIL is bringing a proportionate deduction to the table. So why should your deductions be put back into the business? Basically your husband is taking even less of a share. He needs to understand this,
I agree not to take from savings. Especially since things are so fragile with your MIL. But you also need to clear the air with your husband about the tax issue. Any chance that the accountant would explain this to your husband? And then the bottom line is what would happen to the business if you didn't put this money back in?
I guess what I really need to find out is since hubby refuses to talk to his mother, Can I file taxes separate from hubby/business in order to keep my refund without having to deal with my MIL and ultimately stress my husband out? He agrees that we should get the money now, but is not willing to deal with his mother.
I think the time has come to tell your MIL that you are taking back at least part of your refund. The fact that you are working somewhere else could be a good explanation for doing this.