My hunch feeling is he is not mad at you. Something must be going on in his life, and that something happened sometime between May (Mother's Day) and October. Don't know if it is girlfriend problems, something he heard from another relative, his work, does he drink or smoke pot possibly?,etc.

Since he lives with you, maybe when things are quiet, when you two happen to be eating a meal together, you could casually ask him how he is doing and what's new.... you know him better than I do, so you would know *how* to approach him.

I guess if all else fails, you could ask your daughter if she just happens to know if anything is up with him Not ask her in a prying way, but just in a casual way.

Having a son who is 23, I'm not sure but could the problem be with him...he is angry with himself and frustrated with himself...why? He is still living at home and needs to follow the rules of 'your home' in order to live there. Passive aggressive behavior suxs.

I agree that he shouldn't be allowed to treat you badly in your home... I would let him know that he can ignore you from a distance/his own home …. maybe there should be a family meeting to discuss house rules and mean it ….

ml is right... This is passive/aggressive behaviour

Passive/aggressive behaviour

https://www.verywellmind.com/what-is-passive-aggressive-behavior-2795481

I can relate to what you are saying and I wish I had the answer for us both. I have a 17 year old son and he does not tell me anything. He lives with his dad and I get him in the summer, and I thought we had a good summer. Everything seemed to be good between us and I was talking about purchasing a ticket for him to come visit and he said he was excited. But I work three part time jobs and am just bearly able to make ends meet. His dad is over $16,000 in arrears on the child support, and I contacted Child Support Enforcement in October, and after I did that it has been like pulling teeth to get him to talk to me, and when he talks he purposely avoids talking about anything consequential. I really have no idea how his life has been with his dad since October. He has never been open with me -- ever. Fortunately, I have a best friend who was his babysitter when I went back to school. She got extremely close to both my boys and is like a big sister to them, and they will tell her all KINDS of things that they keep from me. And his has not been an easy life since moving in with his dad. He told my best friend his dad tried to commit suicide twice last year. He told her he has experimented with drugs and drinking with his friends. He is this complete stranger to me, and if I did not have my best friend, I would have no idea who he really is or what he really struggles with because he's very funny and masks what's really going on inside. My advice is to look at his friends and adults he admires. Are there any of them who he's close enough to who could speak into his life and who could find out for you what is going on? Does he have an older adult in his life in whom he confides? The thing I struggle with knowing what my best friend has revealed to me is that I cannot talk to him about it, becase he'd figure out she told me, and then he'd shut down and not talk to her. It is vital if he won't be open and honest with me that he keep the channel open with her. If your son has someone he trusts who can speak into his life, you might have a talk with that person and see if he or she can talk with your son. I know part of the reason my son does not tell me anything is because I came on way too strong against drinking and drugs, whereas my best friend told him, if he ever goes somewhere and gets drunk and he needs a ride home, call her and she'll come get him no questions asked. He doesn't feel safe with me, because he's afraid I'll judge him and think badly of him, so there is whole other life he lives that I would know nothing about were it not for my best friend. My advice is to not come down on him if he won't join you all for Christmas, no matter how it hurts -- and I totally get that because my son made excuses so he didn't have to come for Thanksgiving. And now it's coming on Christmas and I have no idea if he will come or find another reason he can't be here. It HURTS. But if we tell them that, they will feel like we're just putting a guilt trip on them, and that will make them feel even less inclined to want to spend time with us. Think about maybe telling your son about what you like about him and admire about him. Share appreciation for what he does right. And I know it is so hard but it does not help us to keep a record of their wrongs. I am certain the reason my son won't talk is because he does not feel safe. He thinks I will judge him. If we feel judged and criticized by someone, how likely is it that we want to spend time with them? Try to think of something fun the two of you can do together -- go out to dinner together and keep it light. How much more likely is it that we want to spend time with someone when we have had fun with them? Those are just some things to thing about.

Thanks for the replies. I do appreciate the different comments and suggestions. I know my son is dealing with a possible breakup with his girlfriend right now but he was pretty much the same when he was still with her. He really does not have an adult role model in his life other than me. And his best friend died in February and he was taking that pretty hard.. My daughter, who also lives at home, is 9 years older than him, and within the past 9 months or so she has remembered traumatic memories of when we were living with their stepdad, my ex=husband. (Not my children's dad). My daughter was physically, mentally, and sexually abused by their stepdad and I knew nothing about it because my daughter didn't remember it as happening. Since she has remembered it noww, one of my concerns is that my son may have seen or heard something when it was happening and is living with that, knowing now that his sister was being hurt like that. That is one reason that I am not so tough on him.

I also believe the son is angry or possibly bitter about something going on in his life. My own adult children still vie for my attention. My husband and I live with our oldest sun who is 39 and is a single parent to a 10 year old boy. There are times that become tense. Maybe I have chosen the wrong path, but I let him vent when he needs to and try to keep my own mouth shut. Relationships are not easy, but usually worth the effort. I will pray for you and your son and daughters.