I'm sorry if my comments are difficult to hear, but why is saying that someone is sick and needs help mean?

I think people sometimes project their own judgment about mental illness onto others.

I've posted many things about my life on forums and the only time I really learn anything is when my perspectives are challenged.

Let's face it- we come on here because we're already hurting, so any comments that challenge us may be difficult to hear.

When you ask for other's opinions, that's what you are going to get. Nobody says that a doctor is being "mean" when they say the patient has cancer. I'm not qualified to diagnose, but if I am sharing my take on a situation with objectivity, how does that make me mean? I think that's more indicative of the person's fragile point of view that validates my statement.

Needafriend needs to know that this situation is out of control and she needs help. A "there, there" isn't going to help her.

Nor would a, "Yes, you are right to have no empathy for a 70 year old widow who doesn't know English," to reference your thread.

Why is a difference of opinion considered to be unsupportive?

Thank you to all the nice people on here. I will look at the free counselling you tell me about. In the meanwhile I got try find some strength with your help

I'm so so that this happened to you. Being "weak" just makes us human. Don't be so hard on yourself just because you have the ability to love despite of the circumstances.

I think you are expierencing the stages of grief. the loss of the relationships "as you thought they were" with your husband and your daughter. Be kind to yourself. You have been hit with a mack truck emotionally. It will take time to heal. DS has many different support groups that can approac this issue from many different points of view. Some suggested phy & emot abuse. Also there is the infidelity support and divorce. Not saying you should divorce. just relating to people who may share the same feelings... Good Luck

Need,

You are in an emotionally abusive relationship with a sexual deviate. There, now that's said. The sole purpose of an emotional abuser is to keep their victim under control. They will use all methods necessary; verbal abuse, insults, emotional detachment etc. whatever it take to strip away their victims confidence! He's learned which buttons to push on you to get him back into your home and have you under his control once again!

What you need to do is get your self-confidence back. Join all support groups on abuse; research articles on regaining self confidence; seek out counseling, there must be somewhere you can go. Do whatever it takes to gain your own self-strength! YOU CAN DO THIS! Only YOU can change your life! Keep moving forward and don't look back.

As for your daughter, don't be her jellyfish either! They've both learned how to play you! What your doing is enabling her not to be a more financially responsible person. Shut the money faucet off! You can still love her, you just need to teach her a financial lesson or two!!!!!!!!!!!

I'm not seeing respect from either one of these people right now. It's up to you to cut one loose and the other, she needs to some tough love right now.

Keep posting. I'd love to hear from you more out here.

All my best,
PD

Thank you pd. I am trying not to give in this time. He wont take any blame for what happened, He says that we made it up now. As if I dreamt those texts. They were suggestive texts of what he was going to do to her. And he still blames her. she is to blame also I know .One of them should have come to me to say the other was texting, but instead went behind my back. I was a mess over the weekend because I knew he would be out enjoying himself and the thought of him with someone else tortured me but I don't want it to. I want to be able to let him go now after what he has done, Today im ok and wish I was like this every day. He is not happy mind, because I have told him to stay away, He now thinks that I have someone else because I wont see him. no chance. I am not interested in anyone else. I want time on my own

Congratulations on having a good day! That's great. What I'd do, now that you are feeling strong, is to capture this moment in a journal. That way, when you are having difficult moments staying strong, you can read them to keep you focused.

wait, wait, wait, wait just a second.....your husband tried to pimp you out in parking lots?....or was it truck stops?......well, the 'place' matters not! Ummmmmmmm, I mean COME ON! "THAT" didn't tell you anything about him...his character...his love...his motives...his credentials as a man/a husband/a father? And you STILL chose him? And have continued to do so over and over and over again? OMG!!!

I'm just sorry, BUT....SICK, DOUBLE SICK, and TRIPLE SICK!!!!!! The answer is so clear! Should have been more than clear ages ago!

My husband contolled me and I would have jumped through hoops for him if he had asked. I was so in love with him. I hate what he has put me through. I lost my mum around this time and I was all over the place and I still am. I miss my mum, she was lot stronger than me and would have had him by the throat if she was here. I am such a stupid person.

Need, you're not stupid! There are many, many women in your shoes! What would be considered stupid is taking the man back!
You keep taking him back because you've lost your self-worth! No woman should be asked to participate in the type of things he's asked you to do.

I've already stated this. This is what controllers and abusers do; they slowly but surely peel away the self confidence of their victim. The victims although they know they're being mistreated will continuously bow down to the demands of the controller. They do this because they do not believe they can get any better or are just unworthy of anything better.

You need counseling to enable you to get your self-esteem back to a state where you, yourself will come to realize that you deserve better treatment in a relationship!

I don't think there could be anything more pathetic or more of a turn off than an abusing man who cries to get the woman back! It's a sad ploy; but whatever works for the inept troll of a man!

I'm so sorry to hear of your mother's passing; she was a great source of strength to you however; you could do her proud right now but getting yourself straightened out! She'd be very proud of you, I'm sure!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Keep going and don't look back! he's excess baggage and should be kicked to the curb!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Thank you p d you are very supportive. He didn't ring me last night. I had peace but he been texting today asking if I have someone else. I don't want another man. I don't need one. I have given my number to a local counciling place and am waiting for them to get back to me. I need all the help I can get right now to keep me strong.

Need, this is the stigma that he's attached to you. If you don't want "him" THEN there "MUST" be another man in your life. In his mind that's the only answer. He's devoid of accepting any responsibility for his own actions; in his mind he has no issues; he transfers his inadequacies in his own personality onto you.

This type of personality is not only something that men suffer from; it's women also.

Getting through the hurdle of ending that kind of relationship isn't easy but I know it can be done. I hate to push you because your a bit down at this time.

Even though your mother is gone, I would still talk to her and ask her for guidance and strength. She's with you, I'm sure of it.

PD

Thank you pd. I ask my mother for help all the time. I need her strength. I don't know why I find it so hard when all he has done is take away my confidence and made me weak. Every day is a hurdle but with your help it is keeping me going. My husband wants everyone to like him and does not like anyone knowing we have split up. He texts and asks who I have told. On top of the constant accusing me of me having someone else. Then I get the I love you and miss you texts. He thinks my children are to blame. That they don't want us together. He knows my children and grandchildren wont come her if I took him back.