What kind of messages? Flirty or worse?

If you keep splitting up with your husband then there are probably more issues. Only you know if this is someone you want to spend the rest of your life with. But I would make a decision and stick to it.

As to our daughter you need to clear the air and then let it go. Tell her how hurt you are by what she did and then that she never apologized or accepted that she was wrong. No matter what her reaction is you need to let it go after that.

Sorry, but this is not much to go on.

Is your daughter related to your husband?

What, exactly, did they do?

Forgetting about that, why do you keep taking him back? Wouldn't it be better to have some peace?

Hi Need: I think you should go over a few things.

--you found text messages between your husband and daughter that apparently indicate they were involved more than just casually.

--they both swear nothing happened, but they both blame each other and say they were both only messing around.

I think if nothing had happened, they wouldn't be "blaming" each other because there would be nothing to blame each other for. I think you have poked holes in their story, but don't know what to do.

Personally, I wouldn't want anyone messing around with my husband or my daughter and both of them messing around with each other would be the least desirable to find out. I also would find that to be a huge insult to me, my generosity, my trust, my respect and my marriage and family.

Obviously the text messages provided info that they were not proud of sending and otherwise all of this wouldn't have come up.

Ultimately, you have to decide what you are going to do. Perhaps a separation from both of them would serve to give you time to think and make final decisions on what you are going to do with both of them. I'm very sorry this happened to you. Many hugs.

Thank you all for finding time to help me. I am desperate for advice and cant thank you enough. The reason I keep taking my husband back is because I still love him even though it wrong. I should be strong enough to let him go. my daughter just thinks im a bank and just wants money all the time. I love her so much to. she is my baby. I am to soft that's my problem. sometimes I feel love for my husband and sometimes I don't. my mind is confused now. He likes lot sex and since this I don't so that causes rows resulting in us separating. when we separate I am determined not to have him back. but then after a few days of him crying and begging to come back I let him. I am on the menopause and maybe that has something to do with me not wanting sex much. my husband doesn't understand this and accuses me of messing around. which I am not. I am finding it hard to make a decision and stick to it. That's why im asking you for help. the texts were sexual and if I hadn't found them would it have gone further or had it already. I don't know. Don't think I will ever know. only they know the truth. the thing is my husband is saying now he didn't do anything and its me and my daughter making things up. that is not true. when I found those texts him and my daughter wrestled the phone off me. I also had a recording on my phone which I left hanging around a few weeks after the texts, with him asking to meet her . But I confronted him over that and he said my daughter must be messing around with phones and she concocted it. he erased the message out of my phone a while later.

my daughter is his stepdaughter. someone asked if they related. which they are not.

when I got with my husband first he wanted me to sleep with strangers for him which I refused to do. he would drive me to car parks where these men were and want me to have sex with them. I told him that he couldn't love me to ask me to do that. he said its because I love you I ask you to do that. He doesn't ask me or take me those places anymore but that's another thing we argue over. Apart from all the bad stuff he is a loving person. he even set me up with my own business. Yet I get the blame for making him stressed out every time we break up and his family hate me. They would never believe bad of him and don't know the truth. pointless telling them because to them im the bad person who keeps throwing him out.

Hi Need: He is an adult and your daughter at 28 is an adult.

I personally wouldn't have a husband around me that was sexually drawn to, or sent sexual messages to my adult kids/his step kids. It would assault and cross my boundaries so much and just creep me out so bad that I would have him by the seat of his pants and have him out the door in a matter of a minute. Whether it went into having sex or not, the messages went too far. No, my husband doesn't get to have emotional or sexual affairs with my family.

As for your daughter, I would be telling her more or less the same thing and putting her out the door too. You stayed by her to get her clean. She could have come to you before you found the texts and told you, but didn't. You said she sees you as a bank. She apparently is not grateful for what you have done.

With me personally I would feel both of them owed me a duty to not have an emotional affair or sexual affair. And what they did would cross the line of what my boundaries are.

Every person has their own individual boundaries in life for what they will accept in their lives, what they will consider a deal breaker for their relationships, what their values are, for how they want to live their lives, etc.

No one can make this decision for you and it is up to you. Take what you want from online boards and discard what you don't want. Take care and many hugs. I'm very sorry this happened to you.

please can someone help me. I feel my life cant go on. I miss my husband and don't want to. he is acting like an idiot. blaming me for throwing him out. wants me to prove to him that I want to be with him. I feel like a desperate woman trying to hold on to someone who is now showing me he doesn't care. i cant handle the nights alone. im acting desperate to him. how stupid am i. i cant help it tho. i feel like im having a breakdown. i cant sleep or concentrate on anything. i walk around in a daze and cant function to do normal things. he occupys my every thought.. my other children will disown me if i take him back and i feel lost without him. please can anyone help me

You think you are alone now, wait until your kids have left.

You are sick. He is sick. You daughter is sick. He's a manipulative, emotional abuser and you take it. In fact, you BEG for more.

You need to work on your self esteem and need to realize that another person does NOT define who you are. This is a man who is not only on the verge of CHEATING on you, but with your DAUGHTER!!! HELLO??? Any sane person would kick him to the curb. Please be that person. If you need help doing that, go to a women's shelter for advice and resources.

You are posting because you want reassurance that you are right...well YOU ARE!!! Don't let him back and get into therapy.

People will try to guilt you to break down the boundaries you have set. You broke down before and allowed him back, so he is trying to break you down again to get back in. You hold your boundaries strong.

At this point, please get into counseling because it is positive and will help you through this. Many, many hugs.

Someone on here said im sick. im not sick I needed advice and help as I am not a strong willed person. I thought this was the whole point of this page. not to criticize but to help people. I have tried to go for councilling but my doctor told me ther is a 2year waiting list and its not for these kinds of problems. I cannot afford to go private and have noboby else I can talk to. This is why I searched online for someone to give me advice. I know the right thing to do is leave my husband where he is. I wish I was strong enough to do just that, but I am not. I still love him and know it is wrong to. How do i hate and love the same person? i do not know the answer to that. I just feel like ending my life as it is, because i cannot deal with it. i have nobody to turn to only you people on here. The 2 people i love the most betrayed me and im not a stupid person. I know it was wrong. I tried to forgive them both but find i cannot. I just need to know how to i find the strength to leave my husband for good without the agony . I am on antidepressants and am double dosing them and i still cannot sleep. He hasn't moved back home but the problem i have is i weaken and fall for it when he comes round. I know i need councilling and wish i could afford it. because my doctor was no help. so please don't be nasty to me on here, i have turned to you for help before its to late

There is a support group here at DS for those dealing with Physical&Emotional Abuse. The folks there are very good at explaining the importance of NO CONTACT with your abusers. They are very understanding and supportive, and i'm positive that you will find some very good advice and help there.

Have NO doubt, needafriend, you are being abused. Only you can stop this from happening.

{hugz}& best wishes. Stay/get strong!

Why is saying that you are sick a criticism? I don't think it is. You said you are weak and over medicated. That is sick to me. Would it be a criticism if I said you had a sore throat? I made no value judgments, nor was I nasty.

You asked for advice and it is my opinion that you (and the others in the family) get therapy. There must be some that is free where you live, even if it's group. Find your local CODA or Sex Anon groups.

I'm sorry that you feel so week, but I believe once you make up your mind, your strength will follow. But you do need some support.

BTW- it's never too late to improve your life.

DeliAnnem:

Saying that needafriendplease is "sick" is not helpful. IT HURTS.

She is crying out for support, comfort and caring advice for the delicate situation that she is in.

Other posters here have been very considerate.

Not to hijack this post but you called me immature and selfish as I was trying to sort out some issues in a post I started.

I was under the assumption that this was a safe place to come to -- regardless of how many times we ask for help -- and even if it is the same question again.

Please remember the guidelines of Daily Strength.

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Many HUGS to you needafriendplease.

You are in my thoughts.

Take care of yourself and your daughter because she needs you so much.