Family Issues Support Group
Family issues is a huge range that go from minor conflict to major misbehaviour and even abuse on the part of individual members of the family occur. Whether you feel you are in a dysfunctional family or you're dealing with a very specific issue, this is the place to talk about it and find others who might be going through the same thing.
My younger cousin, who is turning 18 in three months, was born out of wedlock (not such an anomaly in today's world) and is being raised by his grandmother. His grandmother did a great job raising him. He's smart, hard-working, mannerly, respectful, a football and track star, and has good grades. It seems his mother has recently, and finally, begun to take an interest in him. She has provided financial support all of his life, but he never lived with his mother except during stints when she moved back in with the grandmother. The father is kind of in the picture, but not really.
A group of us in the family (cousins and aunts) want to help finance the young man's college education. He wants to go away to school to get away from the tug-of-war between his mother and grandmother. Everyone agrees that this is a good idea except for the mother and grandmother. The mother wants him to graduate high school and then go to a local college in town while living with her. The young man is dubious about this possibility since she has never taken it upon herself to provide a home for them up to now. (I told you he was smart!) The grandmother, bless her heart, wants him to remain with her while he is in college but she lives a good ways away from any major college. The truth is that she has grown attached to him and has become dependent upon him for daily chores, etc. She recently kicked the mother out of the house and some speculate it is because the GM wants to tighten her bonds with the young man without the mother's interference. She recently told me to stop "encouraging" him to go to college in another city. I have never spoken to him about going to college in town or anywhere else. I did use to read to him when he was in grade school, many years ago.
This has now caused yet another major rift in the family. The young man wants to get out from under both ladies and the rest of us don't want to offend his mother or GM. I want to leave the whole situation alone but all three sides are trying to get me involved on their side. Parents have rights; Grandparents who raise grandchildren should have rights; and the young man is entitled to his own life. What do my friends on the board think?
A group of us in the family (cousins and aunts) want to help finance the young man's college education. He wants to go away to school to get away from the tug-of-war between his mother and grandmother. Everyone agrees that this is a good idea except for the mother and grandmother. The mother wants him to graduate high school and then go to a local college in town while living with her. The young man is dubious about this possibility since she has never taken it upon herself to provide a home for them up to now. (I told you he was smart!) The grandmother, bless her heart, wants him to remain with her while he is in college but she lives a good ways away from any major college. The truth is that she has grown attached to him and has become dependent upon him for daily chores, etc. She recently kicked the mother out of the house and some speculate it is because the GM wants to tighten her bonds with the young man without the mother's interference. She recently told me to stop "encouraging" him to go to college in another city. I have never spoken to him about going to college in town or anywhere else. I did use to read to him when he was in grade school, many years ago.
This has now caused yet another major rift in the family. The young man wants to get out from under both ladies and the rest of us don't want to offend his mother or GM. I want to leave the whole situation alone but all three sides are trying to get me involved on their side. Parents have rights; Grandparents who raise grandchildren should have rights; and the young man is entitled to his own life. What do my friends on the board think?
May I suggest having him take some tests online, just for "fun?" They are free. Like the Myers Briggs, amongst others.
If he balks, then he's not ready to go to college yet.
Sometimes, they just need to be out on their own for a while in order to motivate them. Or, take a semester's worth of tuition and tell him to travel to Europe. If his relatives have never even left town, he may need a peep into the rest of the world to awaken a fire in him.
I think the myth that college is essential is just that. Why "find yourself" during college? First, find what you want to do; THEN see if college is necessary to accomplish your goal.
A history major is common for pro sports dreamers. Then, they can be a high school coach... Is that what he really wants? He should go into History b/c he really WANTS to be a TEACHER, NOT a coach! This career is a beast and NOT in a good way! : P
On the flip side I see a lot of kids who took business/accounting majors because there were "jobs". These kids end up getting a masters because it's the "thing to do" and they still can't get jobs. Or they come out after 5+ years and say they hate the field. I know two kids personally who graduated in December and have no idea what they will do. What a great way to start your adult life....
What are kids supposed to think when we have Nancy Pelosi saying that employers cutting full-time to part-time to avoid providing health care is a blessing because you can spend more time with your family? When the Feds say the less you make the more we will give you? When the President says every child MUST go to college? When employees get fired at 45 because there are younger/cheaper/techno people to replace them?
We have a generation getting out of college who think they are entitled to a job that will pay $60k+ in their first year. And that should include health care, pension, and eight weeks of vacation...oh and telecommuting and flex schedule would be awesome!! And they aren't taking anything less because mommy and daddy said they are special.
My son tried college and after one semester said it wasn't for him. He went to trade school at night while working as an AC helper during the day. Now he is working in construction learning finish carpentry. He is also learning lots of life lessons on dealing with customers, planning jobs, budgeting. But he has plans. He wants to open his own business some day. He knows he has a lot to learn. I suggested that in another year or so he should go to the community college to take some construction business classes because being successful in a business is hard work and there is a lot to learn.
College is not for everyone. And I honestly believe most kids need to see what life is really like. Five or eight more years of college is not preparing them for getting up every morning ontime, paying car payments and insurance and dealing with a boss...everyday.
So now we have a generation of kids who think anything not requiring a degree is beneath them. But who is supposed to do all of these other jobs? Truck driver, farmers, municipal workers, secretary, para legal, lpn, electrician, plumber, fisherman, dock worker....all jobs that might require some specialized training but not a college degree.
I have a theory that we have allowed the colleges to take over this country. Why are degrees 2-3 times the cost of 10 years ago while professors are being paid less and are less secure? Why is a 4 yr degree now a 5 yr degree? Why do so many more jobs require a degree? College today has created more debt than we have for housing and it is unsecured debt. Makes you wonder, or it should....
I tend to think that we have dumbed down the college degree so much that we've got a bunch of idiots with a sip of paper that can't interview their way out of a paper bag.
I tell my students all the time that college should only be for those who like to read and can handle sitting at a desk for hours at a time studying and writing papers.
I have one kid who says at 15 that he wants to become a real estate agent. I think that's AWESOME! He can get certified at 18, start working, and THEN, Remax can pay for his other degrees if he needs it. Why get a bachelors in business if you don't need it???
In the "old days," there were many more blue collar workers with a union job, NO college. Only about 1 in four went. But houses were half the size, one car... maybe. And the most high tech thing in the house was ONE TV.
Now, we've got a cell phone and laptop for every person in the house.
I say we should stop the madness and realize that we've supersized a lot more than just fries.