Family Issues Support Group
Family issues is a huge range that go from minor conflict to major misbehaviour and even abuse on the part of individual members of the family occur. Whether you feel you are in a dysfunctional family or you're dealing with a very specific issue, this is the place to talk about it and find others who might be going through the same thing.
my husband and I are living with my parents temporarily while he finishes school. I'm working to help provide for our two kids and to help save money for a home. Our kids are two months and two years old.
Last Friday my brother and his wife regained custody of his two kids. My parents offered to let them live in the house with us. My husband and I were planning to move out this weekend because my brother is a sociopath. By that I mean he's a drug user, can't hold a job, his wife periodically has massive purple bruises on her arm that looks like he grabbed her, drinks too much, fucks up any decent opportunity he's ever had. He sexually abused me for years has an uncontrollable temper and is a pathological liar.
This morning he tried to strangle and suffocate his wife with a pillow after she asked him to change their 6 month olds diaper. She managed to get away from him and she told my mom he lost his job yesterday after being accused of credit card fraud. He delivered subs and if he got stiffed on a tip he'd add $10 to $20 for a tip. They couldn't prove it so he's not in jail. My mom kicked him out but his wife Brittany & kids are staying. I have no idea why they didn't call the police. I would have if I was here. I left work because I was so upset and I was afraid for my kids. My brother has nowhere else to go. He'll be in jail by the end of a month.
His kids are sweet but you can tell they've been in an abusive environment. They are two and a half & six months old. If I call out to my son loud enough to be heard across the room they burst into tears. They don't have a routine and are having a bedtime for the first time while living here. If my son goes to play with Alannah she bursts into tears. She throws crazy tantrums that are normal for her age but my son doesn't behave that way. She has a limited menu and barely eats. Her self esteem is low and she crys almost constantly.
My mom begged us to stay all night. My husbands wife works 80+ hours a week and my mom has been providing child care while they've been at work. She think social interaction with my son who is friendly, well adjusted, and doesn't throw tantrums will be good for the two girls. My mom wants Alannah to see what normal is. Her cry is like she is being tourtured, she's in a new environment and she's relearning normal. I want to be supportive of my parents... They've been trying for custody rights for the last 6 months. If we leave my mother will be angry she's said many times how much she needs my help and how she couldn't do this without me (not true she's trying to guilt trip me into staying) but I just don't know if it's right for my family.
The immediate danger of my brother is gone and he won't be back but I can't help but feel like staying here is a mistake. My brothers kids need a lot of love and a lot of energy. Absolutely worth it I don't mind helping my parents with the kids but I feel like I'm working more with my brothers kids than my own. My two month old baby needs me too and we're going through changes too.
Three weeks ago My husband cashed out his 401k, quit his job of 10 years to go to school for a career change. We planned for this and he's ready to find a job he enjoys. He has money left over which we can live on in an emergency also. If we leave he wants us to go to his moms house while he's in school for 3 months. The school has a great job placement program and so we figure we'll stay until he gets a job. But his mom is not supportive of him going to school. If we stay she will make him feel guilty and hound him until he takes his old job back. So I want a place to rent. My income won't pay all of our rent & bills so we would need to dip into our savings which my husband doesn't want to do.
Sorry for the long post and rambling it's been a long day, my daughter still isn't sleeping at night, and i can't shut my brain down.
Last Friday my brother and his wife regained custody of his two kids. My parents offered to let them live in the house with us. My husband and I were planning to move out this weekend because my brother is a sociopath. By that I mean he's a drug user, can't hold a job, his wife periodically has massive purple bruises on her arm that looks like he grabbed her, drinks too much, fucks up any decent opportunity he's ever had. He sexually abused me for years has an uncontrollable temper and is a pathological liar.
This morning he tried to strangle and suffocate his wife with a pillow after she asked him to change their 6 month olds diaper. She managed to get away from him and she told my mom he lost his job yesterday after being accused of credit card fraud. He delivered subs and if he got stiffed on a tip he'd add $10 to $20 for a tip. They couldn't prove it so he's not in jail. My mom kicked him out but his wife Brittany & kids are staying. I have no idea why they didn't call the police. I would have if I was here. I left work because I was so upset and I was afraid for my kids. My brother has nowhere else to go. He'll be in jail by the end of a month.
His kids are sweet but you can tell they've been in an abusive environment. They are two and a half & six months old. If I call out to my son loud enough to be heard across the room they burst into tears. They don't have a routine and are having a bedtime for the first time while living here. If my son goes to play with Alannah she bursts into tears. She throws crazy tantrums that are normal for her age but my son doesn't behave that way. She has a limited menu and barely eats. Her self esteem is low and she crys almost constantly.
My mom begged us to stay all night. My husbands wife works 80+ hours a week and my mom has been providing child care while they've been at work. She think social interaction with my son who is friendly, well adjusted, and doesn't throw tantrums will be good for the two girls. My mom wants Alannah to see what normal is. Her cry is like she is being tourtured, she's in a new environment and she's relearning normal. I want to be supportive of my parents... They've been trying for custody rights for the last 6 months. If we leave my mother will be angry she's said many times how much she needs my help and how she couldn't do this without me (not true she's trying to guilt trip me into staying) but I just don't know if it's right for my family.
The immediate danger of my brother is gone and he won't be back but I can't help but feel like staying here is a mistake. My brothers kids need a lot of love and a lot of energy. Absolutely worth it I don't mind helping my parents with the kids but I feel like I'm working more with my brothers kids than my own. My two month old baby needs me too and we're going through changes too.
Three weeks ago My husband cashed out his 401k, quit his job of 10 years to go to school for a career change. We planned for this and he's ready to find a job he enjoys. He has money left over which we can live on in an emergency also. If we leave he wants us to go to his moms house while he's in school for 3 months. The school has a great job placement program and so we figure we'll stay until he gets a job. But his mom is not supportive of him going to school. If we stay she will make him feel guilty and hound him until he takes his old job back. So I want a place to rent. My income won't pay all of our rent & bills so we would need to dip into our savings which my husband doesn't want to do.
Sorry for the long post and rambling it's been a long day, my daughter still isn't sleeping at night, and i can't shut my brain down.
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Here is my new brother, copper :) He's so tiny! Moo and Tuck were ok with him on first meeting. Rocket due to his severe aggression will never meet Cooper.
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https://www.tiktok.com/t/ZTDeA9Wxg/
It's awful for you and you're an adult... You said he sexually abused you when you were a child??... He shouldn't be around children...This is so sad... These kids would be much better off in foster care from reading this.. Please as a loving aunt call CPS
I would do what you need to do to keep your family safe... Your mom is an adult and she can make some house rules and stick to them
I don't know how long your husband has to be in school but even a small apt for a short while will at least give you some peace... If you have to dip into savings your husband will soon be working and he can start saving again... My money would be on a peaceful existence.. Big hug for you
It's a crime what's happening to your brother's kids, but I hate to say it, but it is NOT your problem... you've got enough to deal with right now. And your mother's decisions put your kids in danger, so I'd leave
My big question is, why does your MIL have such a hold on your husband? Can't you live with her for a short time and accomplish your goal of your DH graduating and getting the job of his desire??? If you move in, PLEASE sign a lease... so many don't do that just b/c it's family and then there's a huge mess.
Ad for renting another place, you'll pay more for a month to month or 6 month.
My suggestion is to try to get MIL to offer, but with proper boundaries in place. Once you are stable, you can then try to help your niece and nephew... but not before.
Hugs.
After the children are safe, have a serious discussion with your mother and be prepared to move out, if necessary. Your mother is not a bad person but she is torn by her emotions and desire to help her son. That is fine but children should not be place at risk because of her poor decision-making.
good luck to you and family,
--EJ