It’s been a while since I’ve been on here, and there have been some changes. Sadly, not the changes that I had hoped for. My boyfriend Aaron’s moods have gotten worse, they are even more unpredictable and intense. The worst part is that he threatened suicide once when we had gotten into an argument. This happened a few months ago, but it’s not something that I have taken lightly and it seems like I’m constantly monitoring him from day to day. 

On a more recent note, we’re going on a vacation together for two weeks. However, it’s not without great trepidation. Any minor shift in Aaron’s schedule can and will trigger him so issues such as lack of sleep, time changes, and new people have the potential to turn into huge obstacles for him. While he lives by impulse, I am extremely organized and can plan each day accordingly if I have to. The more I can minimize the triggers, the better it will be. 

I, on the other hand, have extreme anxiety when it comes to traveling in general. The anticipation about it alone is enough to send me into a panic attack. The thought of being in a new and strange place, away from home makes me feel insecure, fearful, and apprehensive. The longest “vacation” I have ever been on was for three days, but even so, the nerves were still there, full force. 

Aaron is no help when it comes to being a source of comfort when I’m going through this. Travel is very second nature to him due to his work. Therefore, he doesn’t understand my worries. I express to him that I’m nervous yet still want to go, but he only hears negativity. He says things like, “don’t go,” “I don’t want you to go,” or “I’m going to cancel your plane ticket.” I’ve tried to explain to him that all I need from him is to be there for me and hear me out, 

but to no avail. He lacks empathy and I’m starting to see it more and more. I once had a panic attack while he was present about this whole thing, (which I never do in front of him) and the only thing he could say was, “I don’t need this,” in the most cold tone. 

I have come to the conclusion that simply, traveling makes Aaron’s moods worse! In the days to come, I can only hope and pray that I can keep my anxiety at bay while managing his highs and lows. I’m at the point now where I want to be finished with this vacation and it hasn’t even started.

If anyone has any tips on traveling with either bipolar or anxiety, please let me know. 

Alida.