Family & Friends of Bipolar Support Group

This community is dedicated to parents, siblings, grandparents, other relatives and friends of someone who is Bipolar. The purpose of this community is to help families and friends develop greater patience and understanding, as well as maintain a positive, caring relationships with those diagnosed as Bipolar.

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/ Family & Friends of Bipolar Support Group

Moving on past the diagnosis

fisherkid04
fisherkid04

My husband was officially diagnosed with bipolar and has been on his new meds for a week now.  After a long year, and 3 months of him abandoning our 5 month old and myself, he seems to be back to his old self. I want very badly to believe we are "better" and be happy, however I am struggling with my own anxiety towards the situation. I feel like now I am just waiting for the next blow out fight and for him to leave again. I fully understand he has little control when he gets stuck in his anger, but things he has said to me the last few months especially were very mean. I never wanted to be spoken by husband the way he spoke about me to my face, not to mention the things he lied about. Now, in keeping with my vows and understanding he is sick, I am with him through the treatment process,but cannot allow myself to let my walls down to get our marriage back on track. Am I a bad wife for not sweeping everything under the rug and walking on eggshells like 1950 or something? I love him, and I'm tough as nails so I could probably live like this if it weren't for my son, but I don't trust him now. Just waiting for the stuff to hit the fan. Any advice, especially if he back slides and it happens again...

MyfriendSally
MyfriendSally
I am in a very similar situation. Mine has been medicated for about 8 weeks now. It worked great for a little while, but now I am seeing "red flags" again all the time. I wonder if it is me. He's said some very mean things again in the past week; I'm trying to just keep my mouth shut and my head down, but the moods are getting so bad that it seems like my existence itself is making him angry. I guess my advice is not to put all your stock in the medication just yet. I hope it works and your life gets better, though.
fisherkid04
fisherkid04
Thank you. Unfortunately,he has not been taking the medicine, and started getting an attitude towards our infant. He left for the 13th time in 3 months, each time getting longer and longer. I also found out today he has been using drugs behind my back and stealing money. I filed for divorce this week, something give never in my life wanted, but my husband is gone. I don't know this man anymore. I'm hoping to catch him on a good day to sign the papers voluntarily as to not drag me through court. In the 6 months our son has been alive, he has been home maybe 3 of those months total. He has said he knows he will lose a custody battle (when he is "normal") so I am praying he just agrees and we move on. I wish you luck, but I have found that I cannot help him and must look out for myself. His episodes are all anger directed towards me, and in starting to think I'm a bad person,when I know I'm not. And you are not the problem, but for me, leaving may help him in the long run...
JeanaRose
JeanaRose
fisherkid04, hi. I've had 2 serious bipolar boyfriends (at different times, of course). As one friend reacted when she found out "Aw, how did YOU get so lucky?" and laughed. This mental illness is more prevalent that most people realize. You and the child deserve better. You can't change your husband, and when you can't change someone, and living with them doesn't work, you have to get out. You'll be okay, but please be careful.
fisherkid04
fisherkid04
Thank you. I seem to be handling it well, I think because I know it has been over a while now, I was more grasping for straws for our sons sake. He did sign over sole custody without a fight. Sidebar he would rather abandon his son than see my facell again. The worst part now is waiting for him to change his mind and get nasty with lawyers, which would blow up in his face, or get normal and beg me to not do this,using our vows as a guilt trip. I keep telling myself he took them too, and his health was included in those vows. By not getting the help he has broken his first. Idk, whatever gets me to sleep at this point...
mgmendoz
mgmendoz
My mom is bipolar and my dad left when I was 12 probably because he got tired of dealing with her. It's not an easy illness to live with so I understand how you feel. Keep your son safe and when he's older he will understand why dad is not around.

Does your husband have a family that will support him through this? Now is when he needs them most.

I would seek out counseling for the two of you if you decide you want to continue the marriage after all.
fisherkid04
fisherkid04
His parents think he is normal and I "made" the doctor say he was bipolar. The three of them see me as a lying spoiled brat and won't even see the problem. He is out doing what he wants, which is what he told me would be whay fixed our marriage, let him do what he wants regardless of things that need to be done. He gets to do what he wants and I'm so sad I'm sitting on the deck drinking beer to just stop the tears. I should be stronger than this, yet I finally broke down today, alone, to just cry and drink. And I haven't drank in 2 years. He has destroyed me and I am soooo broken down.
johnnycake
johnnycake
I hope that you are feeling better this week. It hasn't been an easy road for you, but you know that in the long run, it will be worth it.
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