The disease BP is called a selfish disease. And from my experience I know that it is.
Understanding what goes on in the mind of a BP sufferer can take for ever. To attempt to explain a mental disease... we can't, because in fact we know too little about the mind
I am trying very hard here to formulate words to help you.
Maybe what I'm trying to say is more than mere rambling lol
That your ex has a mental imbalance is true.
That you and your child must suffer - NO.
So the onus is on you. You simply need to block out all hurtful verbal abuse, You can. Keep trying. You can, I know that you can.
Practice every single time when thoughts of fear enter your mind. Keep repeating the only truth: God is in control.
"Don't go around in fear. You have not been given a spirit of fear and timidity. Do you know Who your Father is? You have His DNA. He created worlds. There's nothing that He can't do
AND there's nothing that is too much for you, because He gives you the strength and the peace you deserve!!!!"

Stop venting and take action. Being BP isn't an excuse for anything. Lorrie 9 is right on, one nature of the illness can be the selfishness and lack of empathy of the particular BP sufferer. On the other hand I have know people who demonstrated this type of personality and never been formally diagnosed. That's why I say being BP isn't an excuse. Recognize this and do not try and understand ,you cannot. Instead: 1. The BP sufferer must do the hard work required to achieve a successful life, not you. 2. Making yourself sick is just lending to and spreading the misery. 3. No one "deserves" to be miserable, rather we usually get what we earn. Allow a dysfunctional, toxic, relationship to continue and what do you think will result? You are already seeing the results, aren't you. You have some hard decisions of your own to make because you indicate that you are a person who can feel the suffering of others. You are a loving person, who knows how to be positive, and careing and happy. Being around a person who is your polar opposite is tearing you apart and this isn't right. Is it. So stop it, for yourself for your child, for your antagonist. The reward must be their failure, for everybody's best will. Your struggle will make you stronger. Best wishes.

Bipolar is a cyclical illness ...Whenever I read about someone who 'always' behaves in a certain very negative way it puts big red flags up for me..
People with BD will act anxious or irritable when they're cycling not all the time... If it's all the time I would guess he has more then one thing going on... There is more often concurrent disorders then not so it may be a personality disorder??? perhaps?
The only person that you can change is you so if something hasn't been working for a long time and keeps upsetting (especially) your children perhaps see a therapist re ways to interact with your ex and not taking the bait...
Or work with a mediator?? .. My contact would be only related to the children... Everything else can be worked out by the courts and some people even give their kids over for visits at police stations if the parents can't find a way to be civilized...
It takes two to tango... Stop dancing... Children need both parents love and support .. it helps them to thrive and grow as people..
xo

I was thinking that you are separated from one of your other posts is that right??

Dear SuncloudJD,

Yes I have very limited contact with my X. And I do think you may be right about more than just the BP going on. I am also considering a mediator.
I don't feed into his conflicts anymore. But I still find myself letting his words get to me. Still working on that.
And I'm not sure what you mean as separate from other post?
Please elaborate...
Thank you

Separated or divorced from your husband I meant...x

Suncloud makes a point and I am getting very very suspicious about my GF. BP is reported to be cyclical, ups and downs. I don't see many ups in my relationship unless GF is getting her way. I am also suspicious that getting her way means play acting and conning her therapist , doctor, and her parents into validating her actions. I have a feeling that I am seeing what they are not. Being made sick by someone's actions that they have difficulty controlling due to an illness is one thing. Being damaged by a con artist is another. Thank you Suncloud for your comments, a healthy review of my own situation is in order and I am about to make significant changes.

"up" is a bit of a misnomer.

Better to think of bipolar as "fast" or "slow". Elevated ("up") states can appear as major OUT OF CHARACTER agitation, aggression, impatience - along with the flood of ideas, rapid speech and sometimes delusions. In Bipolar 1 this is called "mixed state" and in Bipolar 2 "dysphoria"

To use a car analogy being "fast" can be fun or it can be frightening for the driver. And both are potentially fatal.

I found that my X likes to play the victim card. At first before I knew he was BP I thought he did that because he lacked attention his entire childhood. Even though his mother admitted that he was her favorite out of five children, their childhood was nothing short of chaos. Both parents are diagnosed BP, manic depressant and I believe the mother has multiple personalities as well.
But as time went on I witnessed that any attention was his goal. Negative, positive, sexual....like it was his drug.
I do believe there is more than just BP going on with him. It saddens me that he wont even consider help for the sake of our child. I see and witness the condition of his state getting more aggressive and less tolerable throughout the years.
Him self medicating with marijuana is not the answer.

Dear RevWilly,

I am sorry for venting. I am still working through all the pain I took and endured daily for 15 years. The pain he inflicts on our child today.
I will keep working on how to deal without venting.

Thank you
Shelby

Dear SunCLoudJD,

Yes we are divorced. Almost five years now. I have full custody of our child. Was granted a restraining order for 2 years after the divorce and I also have all legal permission for medical needs of our child.

I should feel secure as I have all the "control"...(those are his words).
But I still find myself reverting back to that scared silent women that I allowed myself to be when I was with him. This is something I am still working on everyday.

Thank you
Shelby

Join Ala-non, some groups are open to everyone, or join a survivors of domestic abuse group. These organizations are about how to heal yourself. How to unlearn the unhealthy tools you developed trying to deal with him. How to shut up that whisper in the back of your mind that says maybe you do deserve to be treated this way. You need treatment to undo the co-dependency you developed. Therapy will work, but in your particular case a 12 step based group might really help faster.

Remember that bipolar untreated gets worse. My husband has been pretty sure he was bipolar since he was about 19. He just turned 40 in January and started treatment this past November. What finally got him in treatments was about 12 hours of verbal abuse to me through texting. I thought after 15 yrs of marriage we were done. He said so. He said I was a worthless lying b****. He never spoke to me that way. He was back to "better" in 24 hrs and was horrified at the things he could then read that he texted to me. I thought his manic state was over, but it wasn't. He was still "fast". Fast speech, fast walking, hard to sleep.....but he was nice again. He agreed to see someone, I made the appt but it was three weeks away. We felt surely we could make it three weeks. His huge outbursts were never but so close together. Well one week to the day he did the same only worse because I asked him to leave for a few days until he was calm again. Gave him a lot more ammunition. I was forsaking my wedding vows...there was only "in health and wealth" in my vows he said. I was again a worthless b****. It lasted about 18-24 hrs befure he started coming down. Turns out he was manic the whole week...not just the two days. Some ppl cycle slow, some cycle extremely fast. A cycle can be days for decades depending on person. Irritation is present in both phases. All this to say....hey...he's your EX. Treat him as an EX. LIMIT visitation with child. Go to court if you have to. Write down what he does and says in front of or to child that you consider damaging because you won't remember when it comes down to it. My husband is mean to one child and great with the other two most of the time no matter whether he's manic, depressed or "normal." I have a friend whose husband was also bipolar and he did the same thing. Mean as crap to their second child and great with the other six. Weird. They seem to pick targets often. And don't be afraid to vent. you could always private message or whatever you do on here to me if you like. I need to vent a lot on occasion too. (((hugs))) to you.

Dear Flyingelvi,

Thank you so much. I do believe he is manic also. I have searched through some of the old paperwork we had when we were married and his mother is manic. So it would make since if he was. He mother also targeted 3 out of her 5 children.
Anyway. Thank you for your support :0)
I truly am blessed with you all!!!
Sincerely
Shelby