Family & Friends of Bipolar Support Group

This community is dedicated to parents, siblings, grandparents, other relatives and friends of someone who is Bipolar. The purpose of this community is to help families and friends develop greater patience and understanding, as well as maintain a positive, caring relationships with those diagnosed as Bipolar.

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upsydazeey 05/15/2015

My 23 yr. old son was hospitalized Feb. 2014 for 3 weeks. The docs at that time thought he had an adverse reaction to Adderall combined with smoking weed. He had to be admitted again 2 weeks ago, and we are pretty sure this time it is Bipolar with Mania. Apparently he went off his meds back in Feb. which we didn't know about. This time we dealt with him for 2 weeks before he was convinced to sign himself in to the hospital. This was after he drove to Colorado alone to visit his brother, scraped up his car somehow out there, blew through a stop light with our car, was hit by another driver, and our car, no longer with collision insurance is in the junk yard. Thank God for no injuries. One day later, while home with me, he called 911 and jumped out his bedroom window. I won't even mention his self centered attitude, insomnia, endless shopping, endless paranoia, and commanding attitude with us.
This hospitalization, the docs were trying to get him into residential treatment, but we are not sure that that will be happening at this point, since he called us tonight and said he will be discharged on Monday and will be coming here.
We are pretty sure he will decline a half day program at discharge, (as he did before), and will get out and want to resume his old life which before this hospitalization consisted of going to sports games, playing on softball leagues, and going around the state getting autographs of famous sports players. (he dropped out of college last year) . To make matters worse, he mostly lived with his Dad the past few years, and has a life and friends in another town. He has full support of my husband, his step-father and trusts him more than me sometimes.
Any advice on dealing with him if he is getting out on Monday? All along he has fighting taking his meds, even while inpatient. Even now, we aren't sure that he has admitted that he has an illness.
We are not sure what to do with him, or how to convince him to get to therapy when he gets out. No word yet from the hospital on any follow-up care plans if he can't get into or agree to residential treatment. I have been researching Bipolar, and am very scared. If he behaves the way he did before this admission, we will be back in the ER within hours of his discharge! Thanks for your comments!

SunCloudJD 05/16/2015

I would call the hospital and ask if you can have a family meeting with your son and his doctor before he's released

I would lay your cards on the table of what he's expected to do if he's given the privilege of continuing to live with you or your husband... You two really need to be on the same page with this
And there needs to be consequences if he refuses to comply

He's a 23 year old man not a child and continuing to enable bad behaviour would really be crippling for him... He needs to expect more from himself... He may have been self medicating before because he wasn't under control with him bipolar... He doesn't have that now... So what's next for him??...If he's not getting his act together I would tell him it's time to move out and move on...I say this to try and help him to expect more from himself and mature...

I know it's not easy... Big hug for you and a blessing...x

mustgoon 05/16/2015

I would love for Epicjourney to comment here. I would request that he stays longer until he's able to take care of himself. If he's fighting taking his meds while inpatient, he will NOT do it on his own when he's released. He needs anti-psychotic medication to be taken and bring him down from the mania. Weed, drugs, alcohol- he needs to stay away from as well as large amounts of sugar and energy drinks. That only fuels the brain in a bad way when manic.

IT IS VERY SCARY WHEN they're manic. For that reason as well as for HIS SAFETY, he needs to be released until his psychotic symptoms have subsided to the point where he acknowledges the importance of taking medications and following doctor's advice.

THE HARD PART- when they're highly manic they don't see the damage they're causing others and themselves. They need the help from family and friends.
YOUR PART and YOUR FAMILY'S PART- remind him to take his medication and if his behavior is out of line or abusive, you cannot and will not tolerate it. You will NOT deal with him until he has taken his medications to help him get out of the mania gradually.
HIS PART- to be responsible and take his medication. For him to take charge of the illness and not the other way around.

VERY IMPORTANT - that they find the right combination of meds. If he's released and he's unable to care for himself, he's at high risk of injuring himself.
I hope you find this helpful. Hugs and strength fro you

SunCloudJD 05/16/2015

Unless he is seen as a risk to himself or to someone else he has the right to make bad choices which is why I think that it's important to not enable his bad behaviour ... If he breaks the law and becomes an involuntary patient at some point or becomes involuntary when he's ill then the institution can enforce certain things like meds
Unfortunately he's not accepting his illness or he does accept it but refuses to do what it in his best interest... He likes 'riding the waves' as opposed to the stability
I think he needs a strict bottom line from his family

SunCloudJD 05/16/2015

I have bipolar disorder and I was a psych nurse at a forensic facility... Being mentally ill does not give you the right to act out and not be responsible... If you don't know better because of illness then the govn will take over and put you somewhere like a facility to keep you and others safe
If you continue to simply make bad choices again then that's addressed... I hope the hospital won't discharge him unless he's stable however he needs to know and accept what his responsibility in this is... Big hug for you.. .I wish you and your son well...x

upsydazeey 05/16/2015

Thank you all for the input. I am hoping we have a family meeting on Monday if he is released that day. We would like the doc to give strict written instructions on Med dosage, driving, etc. We are also planning on writing down our own household rules.
He was doing a lot of sugar and energy drinks before he went in. Will get that stuff out too.
We are still hoping he has agreed to residential treatment and will participate fully in that.
I appreciate all of your help.

upsydazeey 05/17/2015

He called me today from the hospital to wish me Happy Birthday, and sounded really great, but we will see what tomorrow brings. Do inpatient hospitals usually set up some kind of aftercare plan for adults? We are sort of out of the "communication circle" and not sure what the aftercare will be. My husband and I are on the same page, although my husband will give in to whatever he wants, and I take the stricter road of consequences. My question: how have u enforced boundaries with a young adult that still wants to do his past activities, without them taking over your own life activities? We love this kid so much, so want him to partake in his social acitivities, but don't want to drive him everywhere, especially since we are down to one car at home now due to his wreck. Has any one else dealt with a young adult that thinks he is upwardly but backwardly mobile?

upsydazeey 05/23/2015

He was discharged on Monday night, no family meeting, Just a call from his inpatient Psych Doc and social worker. He is doing so much better, and staying with us abiding by driving rules, etc. Taking his meds without supervision by us so far, and my next step is to get him to some type of outpatient therapy that he really doesn't want to go to. We told him everything about the car accident, and he was very sorry, and is not driving until he gets insurance(his dad cut him off from financing) and is actively looking for a job. He was really revved up and racy yesterday, but was better today. He took a uber ride to go watch the basketball game with friends tonight, and had a friend stay over last night. I keep telling him ( and myself) one thing at a time. We have so much to deal with, but will do it somehow. Thank you all for your advice and everything. It really helped a lot. I will stay on this group and will try to help others!

SunCloudJD 05/25/2015

I'm so glad that he's home and abiding by the rules... The more he can learn about the disorder the more in control he'll feel .. Knowledge is power
There is also peer support that might be helpful for him... Groups like DS or others in person
Bipolar is a controllable disorder and many of us do very well with it.. We have our moments... For me it's usually serious life events that may spark an episode however I recognize when I'm getting unwell and get to me doc
It will get easier for all of you... Thanks so much for letting us know...xo

SunCloudJD 05/25/2015

I'm not sure what country you're in NAMI is available all over the US and is free... A lot of people here say it's wonderful

I'm in Canada and we have a Mood Disorder Assoc that has weekly meetings and that's also free

If you haven't heard from the hospital I would call and ask what is available for him

Acceptance is really a key factor... Once you accept it (which BTW is critical as you have it like it or not) you start to work with the disorder and not against it... Working with it helps you to heal and find stability so much faster...x

upsydazeey 05/26/2015

Thank you for your response, SunCloud. There is a NAMI group in a town close to here, but the Family to Family group doesn't start until September. I hope to find something before then. Thanks for your input about having BP yourself and what your triggers are. It is so hard for us to understand what our loved one is going through. I am sure that as much as we feel "put out" by their illness, they are going through things that are very scary to them..
Big hug to you, and thanks for your response!

SunCloudJD 05/27/2015

It seems like he's young and still wants to party and ride the waves... Enjoy the highs however what goes up must come down and he'll continue to crash

It's really imperative for him to accept that stability is his friend so if he can get into peer support he can make friends that are on the same page... I would look online for groups as well there are probably quite a few.. I know that there's a lot about bipolar on FB... If he's uncomfortable with people seeing that he could always start a new account and have it private

SunCloudJD 05/27/2015

I just looked there is a lot of online groups for bipolar

upsydazeey 05/31/2015

Yep, that is part of the issue, he is young and wants to keep going and doesn't want to be slowed down in any way. He convinced his doc while inpatient to let him take 500mg of Seroquel per day, but spaced out 5 times a day at 100mg. Our insurance wouldn't fill a script for that, so had the doc re-write for 200mg tabs that we need to split in half. We can't split them right with a pill splitter, and he claims that splitting them makes the pills "hit him too hard" so he wants to cut down to 400mg a day so he can take the 100mg tabs. I told him not to cut down any meds without seeing his Psych doc. as outpatient this Friday. I guess my question is- how do you handle taking the meds without feeling like you're totally slowed down by them.. I told him to take all 500mg,s at bedtime, but he claims he won't wake up and be productive in the morning.

SunCloudJD 06/01/2015

You get used to a lot of them ... I'm on a lower dose of Seroquel 300 mg however I'm also on Tegretol

It won't continue to knock him out however it does prevent the highs.. The party drugs will continue to screw him up as does booze.. .It's important that he accepts what he can't change and this is where I think you and your hubby need to take a hard line.. That you won't keep picking him up... These are the times he ends up back in the hospital and crashing cars...He needs to grow up... He has a controllable disorder...

It can take some time to find the right med... I used to be a social butterfly.. Now I'm pretty flat however I'm not messed up or distressed... I don't want to kill myself... The meds are an important part of our stability... It took almost 3 years for me to find the right med regime though

Lamictal and Latuda are two meds that don't make you as flat or dull...One of these may help him.. He might have to just have it added to the Seroquel... He could talk with the doctor about it.. A lot of people here have been on one or the other and really like it a lot

SunCloudJD 06/01/2015

I was on Lamictal for a couple of years however I ended up with a rash and had to stop it...I had a lot more (healthy) energy on it

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