Families of SOs Community Group

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/ Families of SOs Support Group

Where do you begin?

someChica
someChica
My husband is in prison currently for something that happened before we were married. It's only a level 1 offense here in Texas so he won't have to register for life and we aren't in Florida so I know we don't have it too bad. The lawyers and even the probation officers we talked to only expected him to serve the minimal amount as his crime wasn't horrible but then we got a judge who's nickname includes the word maximum and he got two years. Luckily he is only three hours away and I can go visit him and from what I hear, he is in one of the nicer federal prisons so all in all my situation could be a lot worse.

I'm just dealing with everything and I have no idea how to even start. It's been a month, I've had my cry, gotten finances together, moved in with his family to save money since we have a three month old, but sometimes I just feel so overwhelmed and I don't know what to do. Before anything happened we were talking of moving to a new state, we were both done with Texas and wanted to start our married life in a new place but this happened. And now I don't know if I should still look at moving to a new state or do we stay here? I don't know how the registering works for new places and I've researched that some states don't publicly display the lower level offenders and there are some that don't have residency restrictions but I have no idea whether or not this is something I want to even consider doing now. I worry for my daughter, I want her to be able to have her daddy around and to not worry about her being bullied. I just don't know if there are any states that would be better for us to try and live our life when he gets out. I think I may just want to leave so I can get away from where I associate all the bad times.

It still feels so surreal and that this thing is so stupid. I know two separate guys who shot someone (not accidentally) and they are walking around freely while my husband and us will have to suffer. I've been reading through some posts already and y'all seem to have so much strength to have been through this for as long as y'all have. Does it get any easier?
lwayne
lwayne
Your question depends on who you ask, I guess? In my case, I too, am married to a man who is currently incarcerated in Florida for something that also happened prior to us knowing one another or getting married. I am not originally from Florida, but moved to Florida after my parents moved here permanently, in order to help my Mom who is not in great health.

This is a wonderful site, with plenty of knowledgeable, caring, compassionate, supportive individuals and I am sure they will be responding to your post in the very near future.

There are a couple of things I do know...DO NOT MOVE TO FLORIDA. STAY AWAY FROM THE BIBLE BELT STATES! Also, if you are considering a move, please read up on the Interstate Compact laws.

In my opinion, for me, it does not get easier without them home. But, it does become somewhat of an awkward, manageable situation.

Keep your chin up! :-)
ksteeler
ksteeler
My husband was extradited from TX to CA and served his time there. We were considering applying for the interstate parole transfer but I was told VERY specifically that there is nothing worse than parole as an SO in TX. This was from someone in the field who has seen, on many occasions, POs celebrating how many SOs they've revoked. So my husband is staying in CA, and it's really not that bad.
ThoughtAsWeak
ThoughtAsWeak
CA isn't a great state to live in though. ALL SO's are on the registry for life and there is a 2k ft residency restriction from schools and parks.

Every state has it's perks and it's negatives and you have to weigh what works for you and your family. He may be a tier 1 in TX, but may be classified as a 2 or 3 in another.
someChica
someChica
He was out on his on recognizance from August when they arrested him till he had to self surrender on Feb 14. And the probation officer he had was nice, let him call in his monthly check in's only visited our house 2 but I know that it could be different when he gets out and I was always the type to never quite trust authority, and since he wasn't technically on probation or anything there were no rules for him. Once he gets out I'm not sure what exactly our lives will be like.

I've lived in LA before I moved back here and I've had my fill of CA. It's beautiful and I do miss the ocean but it just wasn't for me. That and it's annoying seeing more taxes being taken out for the state when you are not used to it.

Anyhoo, I'm so glad I found this site. I haven't told any of our friends (most don't live in our town anyways so it's not like they are missing him) but family knows. I can't really talk to them about things because they can't really empathize.
deleted_user
deleted_user
Hey. I'm new here. I've already been talking with the families of prisoners support group. My boyfriend will be a registered SO when he get out in @ 14 months. We live in SC. Like someone already posted, one of the bible belt states. Anybody know anything about what rules might apply to my state. His charge was assault & battery. I know the rule @ staying away from schools, day cares. I don't know about churches. We have a church that is almost exactly a mile from our house, and a fellow ship building that is just a jump up the rd. That building is just used for church meetings. Will someone want to inspect my home? I'm not the cleanest person, that kind of scares me thinking of my home being inspected for approval. He already has a job waiting on him, but it is right next door to a church that has a daycare center in it. Wondering how that's going to work. Life sure can suck sometimes, feel like I have a black cloud following me around. He's been gone almost 5 months. It doesn't seem to be getting any better emotionally for me. I don't cry as much anymore, but I miss him like crazy. Any advice would be appreciated.
rewdiazepam
rewdiazepam
lalahester,

Here is some info on South Carolina.

http://tiny.cc/7y5lcx

rewdiazepam
deleted_user
deleted_user
Thanks for the SC info.
october2014
october2014
REW,

I love your short links! Can you send me those links for Oklahoma, Florida, and North Carolina? Is there in existence anywhere a compilation of parole and/or registry rules for the various states, or do we have to look them up state by state?
rewdiazepam
rewdiazepam
October2014,

http://tinyurl.com/mpwwnqs

http://tinyurl.com/ll46cbh

http://tinyurl.com/kdjdqbm

I can tell you anything you want to know about Oklahoma.

I would hope that you and your guy are not considering staying in Florida. Every year they pass more and more ridiculous laws down there and you can bet that they will try to make most of them retroactive.

Utah is a good place.

rewdiazepam
october2014
october2014
REW,

Thanks for the links. I really, really want to get far away from Florida, but it's where he was born and raised, and I don't think he knows how bad things really are or what he's been told from the inside. I want to gather the information so we can discuss it quite frankly at our next visit in June.