I have my ups and downs. And I've been through this for little more than 3 years. All I can say is to just take things one day at a time. If I try to focus on something far down the road, it gets worse (depression and anxiety). I try to only look forward to the next call, the next letter and the next visit.

My husband was released today. I couldn't believe it, but it is true. Its been 4 1/2 years, but it is finally over. He's really pretty numb. It takes a while for the body to readjust. All the things I've been doing to prepare for this over the years....telling him what was going to happen...now is real and so strange. He is not living with me. I have set up a different situation for him. He will be OK.

But, you know, while our husbands are behind bars, our lives go on. New friendships, new relationships, money issues, health problems. Prison is like placing someone in a popsicle. Their life is frozen. Our lives go on...with them...or without them. Cancer does not stop being a threat. Our mental health issues do not go away.

Prison is cruel. But we can survive and thrive despite the pain. Hurting wife, just keep moving. Look for new ways of support. If you take care of you, your husband's issues will take care of themselves.

Been there, done that!

Best wishes.

Wow Peek, best wishes!

hurtinwife; I cannot speak about you and your husband because with me it's my son who is incarcerated. Haven't been able to see him in over a year.
I can however speak of the cancer scare and smoking. I quit 13 1/2 years ago, used the patch, red licorice, and butterscotch candies. The licorice was for the hand to mouth part of the habit, once past that, something in the butterscotch killed that occasional nicotine craving. July of 2013 I was diagnosed with stage 2 lung cancer. Had the surgery and have been cancer free since. If you have gone 2 weeks, you got this! If you need to talk, I am here.

Thanks THoughtasweeak and peekachu. I try not to look to far in the future but then i also try to plan things out and hope the things happen too. I know i can not plan out what will happen with my husband as he has a long time to go. I have only a couple of friends that i feel understand a little of what i am going through and give me support. Basically all family and friends walked away since i still have contact with my husband after what he did. As i tell them and him I am the one that should of walked away since it was my daughter that he abused. But i didn't i have stayed so far as i still love him, want him to get help if that's possible in prison.

Congrats on your husband being released hope everything works out for him.

Kitty96 Sorry about your son. I couldn't imagine not seeing my husband in over a year, it's hard in the winter as he doesn't want me driving to see him as our weather can get bad. I quit smoking back in 1985 for 18 years and stated up again after i went through a bad divorce with my ex in 2004. I've been wanting to quit but never put a lot of effort into it until this recent scare. I was always hey i'm going to die some day of something so what the heck. Now i am like hey i want to be here for my kids as they are in their teens and twenties and i want to be here to see them grow up, get married, have kids, etc.
Thanks for your support

I know this board is for the families of registered offenders, and I am not a family member but a registered offender with deep regrets and a desire to help others who are hurting from these issues. I wanted to say to you ladies how deeply touched I am by your hearts of grace. That you stood by your men, be they Husbands or sons.

All of my pain comes from knowing what I put my wife, who i considered my best friend in the world, and my beautiful children through. How I let my sickness push everyone and everything that truly mattered out and destroy an otherwise happy and healthy family.

She was not able to bear the pain nor the pressure from family and stay with me through better or worse, in sickness and in health. I still love her with all my heart and do not fault her decision considering my betrayal of the most sacred trusts imaginable. My status precludes me from seeing or speaking to them, but more over I fear I have lost them forever. I just wanted to say God bless you. I hope your families appreciate your strength and love. I think families heal better together. Well, I don't just think that, evidence bears that out. Again, bless you.

Welcome to the board, Marty.

This board is made up of not only mothers, wives, GFs, and family members of registrants, but also registrants themselves. We are all family and we all contribute to learn from each other.

Glad you are here. We need you.

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Welcome Marty. And I agree with your statement- families are able to heal better together. Even our daughter has been able to heal working together (evidence shows that when offenders and victims work together, both are able to heal). I wish society would look at these evidences and use them practically, but our society just wants to tar, feather and place a Scarlet letter on the offender.

Sorry that your family aren't there for you. Maybe in the future, your children will reach out to you and find how you turned your life around in a positive way.

I wish my x-wife could benefit from a community like this. She's just too shy and reclusive to ever think of reaching out. She's always buried her hurts though. All I want is for my family is to be set free from the pain of bitterness.. However that happens, with or without me.

Thanks for all your kind words. You are all in my thoughts and prayers. I hope everything works out well for you and your husband hurtinwife.

Thanks Marty. I pray everyday that we can get through this together. He has a long sentence to deal with. I am sorry that your wife could not stand by you and i pray you have a good life. Unfortunately i believe the majority of the spouses do not stay. Those of us that do stay go through a lot emotionally and physical also . As i have lost basically all my family and friends, my husband has lost everyone except me.