Do you know if the prison your son is in is a private or ” for profit” prison?

Thanks amy... it is a state prison.

Westie,

I sent you a very long message concerning your son in prison, so check your messages.

The key to getting along with others in prison and not getting hurt or possibly killed if one is an SO (or for anyone, for that matter) is to somehow get the other inmates to like or respect you. Other inmates, no matter how despicable they may seem, just do not hurt others who they respect or sort of like. That just does not happen. I never saw it happen in the eight years I was in prison and I am sure it is true today.

So they key question is, "How does a person get the other inmates to respect or at least not hate him enough so that they will not harm him???" That is the question because once you figure out the answer to that questions, your worries about getting hurt in prison are, for the most part, over.

One of the biggest reasons for this is that once an inmate gains some respect in prison, if the other inmates find out that he is a sex offender, they will not care.

So how do you get respect?? A lot of it is common sense. You mind your own business, you do not snitch (snitching will get you killed), you do not get so much in debt that you cannot repay what you borrowed (inmates hate deadbeats), etc. You help others.

You build an reputation that "you are just one of the guys" trying to get through the prison sentence so you can go home. You become "just another inmate" and sort of blend in with everyone else. No boasting, no showboating.

One thing other inmates are almost fanatical about is respect. You have to show the utmost respect to other inmates or you will probably be fighting most of the time in prison. Never slam a door on an inmate, keep the noise level down, just do not act like an ass. Once you become "just another inmate" your worries are mostly over.

I probably should have mentioned at the top of this post that it is very unwise for a SO to ever allow the other inmates to know what he is in prison for. Whatever you do, make up a crime and stick with it. Every inmates is always asked at one time or the other, "what are you in for?" It would be a colossal mistake to blurt out your real crime. Make up a plausible story, one that is believable. You owe absolutely nothing to these other inmates. In fact, you will most likely never see them again once you are discharged from prison.

These are just a few points that will allow one to do their time as peacefully as possible.

rew

Unfortunately the thinking inside is the same as the outside. sex offender = child molester and it doesn't matter how much respect you have prior to other inmates knowing your label. Low security facilities in the federal system will generally protect sex offenders, well, they punish the others that attack. People are still attacked no matter how much respect they show other inmates. After my husband's experience, my advice is the same as oneofthem. That is the only respect that other inmates may listen to from a sex offender.

There have been several good points here. Oneofthem makes the point that if you bulk up and beat the hell out of who is causing problems, that it would stop. That is a good idea, but it only goes so far. Regardless of how big and strong one gets, he will always have problems if he has not won the respect of the other inmates.

For example, I had a cellie once who was very strong and athletic. He could bench press close to 350 lbs. He was young, quick, and in great shape. He was about as bulked up as one could get for his size (He weighed around 240). But he had no respect among the inmates. He would play poker and not pay his debts, he was in on a child abuse charge, and he was just generally an ass. One night right after count had cleared, three inmates, inmates that were much smaller and weaker than my cellie was, came into the cell with a lock in a sock, a shank, and a mop handle. They almost killed him. Did his size and bulk help him?? No, he got attacked because the other inmates did not like him. No matter how much you bulk up you are no match for homemade weapons such as knives or locks in socks or homemade shanks.

I remember after they beat the guy up one of the perpetrators told him that "If you are asked what happened, you had better say you slipped in the shower. You are in a real men's prison now (he had come from a minimum), and this bull shit of f**king us out of our poker money had better stop. Have those packs of cigarettes to us by next week oor this will happen again."

But if he had won the respect of those inmates by not acting like an ass, he would have never been bothered. They did not really care about the child abuse charges, but the just did not like him for other things.

Bulking up always helps because if there is one thing inmates understand is violence, but it would have been better if he had won the respect of the other inmates.

And sometimes fighting is the only answer. You have to stand your ground or the other inmates will look down on you as weak, and trust me, inmates will prey on the weak.

I have never, never, never seen another inmate beat up an inmate that they respected. That just does not happen.

On the other hand, there was a little scrawny red-headed guy who live on my cell block. He was really a good guy. He minded his own business, he had a few friends without getting into the drug scene, and he was respectful of others. He never snitched or had anything to do with staff unless they requested to talk to him. All the inmates knew whose side he was on. He was my neighbor for over 26 months and nobody bothered him, even though they found out that he was in for three counts of child molestation. The other inmates liked him, so they made excuses for his charges. He only weighed about 130-135 pounds, but the other inmates found him to be a likeable guy.

The real truth of prison is this: if the other inmates do not like you, they will look for an excuse to beat you up (like your charges). If they do like you, they will leave you alone.

Now, idilling, did make a good point that this will not work with all inmates. Some inmates just do not like sex offenders because of their charges. But, for the most part, if they like you they will just leave you alone to do your time. Inmates just do not attack inmates they like--period.

My point was not that fighting back was never an answer, but that being an "OK guy" will go a long way to not getting hurt in prison.

I found that generally, this was true in every one of the four prisons I was in.

rew

It really depends on the prison. The first prison my husband was at, they would kill you rather than let you be on the grounds if you are a sex offender, didn't matter how respectful you were. He turned himself in then because 5 of them were coming after him with the threat to kill, not just beat the crap out of him. And the people running the prison and other inmates that he did talk to, knew that's exactly what would happen if they didn't transfer him. He spent 3 months in the SHU, now he is in a place where if a sex offender is touched, the other person ends up in the SHU and most likely transferred. He will not run this time, he will fight if anyone comes after him. Most people there already know that he will knock the crap out of anyone if they come after him.

westies write your son and let him know what rewdiazepamno advise is. He has done time and is letting you the truth.
The only thing I would add is don't let fear rule your heart, inmates test other inmates to see what sort of person they are. The biggest thing they are looking for is "are you a snitch" You have to be able to read inmates as to what is really happening before you react. Reacting to fear is the first step in getting hurt, prison is not much more then a big kids play ground, you have to be able to read body languish and learn how to play the game very fast.
I did time back in 1980-1985 in 3 state prisons, I found being transferred would cause me my greatest fear due to the unknown and the made up thoughts in my head. These fears caused me problem's each time I was transferred for the first week.
I hope your son was in the waiting center, being evaluated, than transferrered, because this is how the prisons determines what level of prison he should go too. The waiting center is crazy, no one knows what is going on, and fear makes imates act out 100 time more. The waiting center is the most dangerous of all prison, because imates think they have to make a name for themself, and first times dont know the rest of the prisons are not like this, so every one if fearful for his life.
So be happy the wrost is over
_____________

i was in for 2.5 years in a medium security prison. rew is right about being the 'nice guy'. i wouldn't suggest doing anything for your son, because if the inmates find out....well.... he'll be looked at as a snitch. tell him if he truely fears for his life; have him try for a prison transfer. switch to a different prison.

Here is my advice on calling staff, case managers, wardens regarding a loved one in prison.

I will preface my statements with the fact that a prison environment is much different than life here on the outside. Most inmates do not think like you or I, and many are borderline mentally ill. So, something you may do that seems like a good idea on the outside does not work out so well in prison.

I never had any problems in prison and I only weighed about 160 pounds. The reason I never had problems is that I learned early on that you cannot outsize, outfight, or try to muscle these guys around. Most of them were much bigger than I was, and they did not fight fair anyway. They have all these homemade weapons and nobody, no matter how strong or skilled, is a match for a knife in the hands of someone who knows how to use it.

So what you have to do is out-think these guys. Most inmates are really street smart, but you can convince them that you are on their side, that you are "one of them" and generally be a decent person. I do not necessarily mean get them to love you, but at least get them to not want to hurt you.

As I said, my time was pretty uneventful and I never had any physical confrontations with any inmate. But if I was having problems, I would have never allowed family to call staff, case managers, etc., on my behalf. There are two reasons for this: 1) staff will probably not do much anyway, and 2) if the inmates EVER get any inkling that you are a SNITCH or that you cannot stand on your own two feet---you are done. And most will think that if you have family calling staff. It doesn't seem right not to be able to call staff and get a problem solved, and that might be something you would do on the street, but you have to remember your son in no longer on the street. He is in prison and he will have to conform to certain "inmate rules" or he will not have a very good time in prison.

Other inmates, especially at a medium where I was at, look at weak inmates much like a coyote looks at a smaller wounded animal. Inmates will really prey on an inmate if they think he is weak.

The bottom line is that at some point each individual in prison has to learn to stand on his own two feet. He has to learn to think for himself, he has to learn to take up for himself, and he had to learn how to cope with the other inmates, some of which are violent and mentally ill. And since most inmates with a sex offense will be incarcerated for several years, learning the "prison game" and how to handle other inmates is even more important.

Prison survival comes from WITHIN. A person either learns by observation and common sense. He watches other inmates and learns what to do and what not to do. If the inmate never learns, he will have a very tough time in prison.

By coping with inmates I do not mean to start robbing, stealing and drugging in prison just so you can be "one of the guys" and win their approval to prove that you are a real convict. But there are certain things that are permissible on the street than just will not work in prison.

I only relate to others, especially to worried mothers or wives with sons or husbands in prison, what I know works in prison. I was there a long time and I am a very observant individual. I just want to support and help those who have loved ones incarcerated.

Other people may not always agree with me. There are degrees to everything. I have seen other people, people who have never been to prison, try to give advice to people going to prison. Prison is a completely different world, and the only way to understand and explain to others what goes on in prison is to have been there yourself.

rew

Im admitting my ignorance on sex offenders in prison..This is all new to me, and I have yet to learn from my dad how it really is in there, as we are still in the first weeks of communicating with eachother since I was a baby..He is in a med security prison, and there for *hangs her head low* sex crimes against 2 girls under 14..I always thought, here's my ignorance again, that sex offenders were held in I guess, their own area of the prison? Away from those that arent in for sexual related crimes..I worry about him everyday..I know what happens to "those guys"..They are beaten and sometimes killed in there..But I thought that if they were being harassed or threatened, they maybe get put in an area where they are safer? I want to think hes safe in there but I know the reality is that he isnt..He's in his 50's so hes no young tough guy..He did tell me in his fist letter to me that when he got my first letter he had 45 guys in their clapping and crying right along with him, so that made me feel better about his safety, but I still worry day and night =(

Foundmydad,

Trust me, if your dad had 45 inmates clapping and crying for him when he received that first letter, he is going to be fine as far as his safety is concerned. Your dad has been in long enough to figure out how other inmates think and how to get along with them. From what you have said, it would be an aberration if your dad ever got hurt in prison.

See, this is what I have been trying to convey to everyone. If the inmates like you enough that they do not want to hurt you, then they will usually--not always, but usually--not care if you are in there for a sex crime.

Look at it this way: when the people you know first became aware that your son or husband had been arrested for a sex crime, how did they react? Well, if they really liked you and your family and they were really true friends, they were supportive, and the nature of the crime was not as important to them. But how did your enemies or people who did not like you react? Well, they probably hoped that fire and brimstone would rain down on your family or something like that. These reactions are just human nature.

Here, we have a 50 something year old man, who is obviously not nearly as strong or as good a fighter as a lot of the younger inmates. This 50 year old man is in prison because of sex crimes against minors, no less. And add to this scenario that he is in a medium security prison. But is anyone trying to beat him up?? It doesn't sound like it. Why? Because he has learned how to get the other inmates, even though he is old and in there on sex charges, to like him. He has learned the key to not getting hurt in prison, and that is to show the other inmates that you are a decent guy.

Even though he has everything going against him as far as getting hurt in prison, the age, not a fighter, in a medium security prison, and having sex charges against minors; yet he has the other inmates cheering and clapping when he gets a letter from his daughter.

To shed some light on SOs in prison: All prison systems have a PC unit (protective custody) where any inmate, and in this case we are talking about sex offenders, can asked to be placed if they feel their life is in danger. In the prison system I was in, getting to PC was made difficult. First, if you felt that your life may be in danger you had to go to security and tell the officers who is bothering you and explain why you feel that you are in imminent danger. Then, if they agree, they will place you in PC. In the meantime, the inmate's name you gave up, will also be locked up, and given a misconduct. Then after about 10 days, both of you will probably be shipped to another prison.

The problem is, in the wacky world of prison mentality, the other inmates will look at you as not only a "catch-out" for wanting out of the environment, but they will also look at you as a snitch for telling on the other guy and getting him a write up and getting him shipped. So, you kind of put yourself in a double whammy situation there.

Most inmates will not catch-out because of this reason. Inmates have a really good communication system, and the word will get out to other prisons that you are a snitch and a catch-out. As a result, when you go to a different prison, your reputation follows you and causes you problems at the new prison.

I would personally never go to PC for many reasons. My theory was if I could not handle a situation myself, it just did not get handled. That's just the way I am.

I do not agree with going to PC or catching-out unless a guy really thinks he is going to get seriously hurt or killed. Why? Because in the long run it causes more problems. But sometimes it becomes necessary because nobody wants to die in prison to prove the point that he is not a snitch.

rew

Rew,
Thank you for your reply, its made me feel better..Ive watched alot of prison shows in my time and now that I have a loved one in there, those shows give me hellish nightmares..But knowing that he will be okay makes me feel better..Im sure at some point there will be that asshole in there that will feel he needs to be the bully, and thats to be expected in an environment like that..But knowing those 45 guys like him, makes it easier..Thank you for your insight and your first hand knowledge..We on the outside are left to just sit here and imagine how it is in there, and sometimes our imaginations can get the best of us..I will share with him your advice on the PC units, though at this time I dont think he has felt the need to ask for protection, it doesnt seem so anyways..Thank you again, for helping me feel a little more at ease =)