I am sorry this has happened,depending on the state he probley won be able to see his kids unsupervised untill he is off parole not sure but i had to jump thru alot of hoops,good luck and god bless

I just get so tired of trying to figure out what is right and all I can do sometimes is cry. I just wish that we could all be happy and safe together without the constant assault of 'right' and 'wrong' it is just exhausting

Searth, you can put a filter on your computer to help prevent images like that if you are concerned that he may look at these images again. If you are the admin, you control the content he can see. I already discussed this with my Hub and he is grateful for it, it will help him to avoid porn (of any kind).

Just a suggestion, that may give you security knowing it will not happen again voluntarily or involuntarily.

Since this is your fiancé I would think they will not let him live with the stepdaughter until he starts some kind of treatment, but that will be up to the provider and his PO or parole officer, Please take a deep breath, think about the children for now, and keep yourself strong for them.

I am sorry this happen to you and the family, it is not going to be easy when he is let out, so prepare for a changed life.

buildingupslow

We were in the process of getting full custody of her when this happened. She landed in foster care for the last year and her grandmother and I had to hire a lawyer to get her into her grandmas house. The state brought a protective order against him saying no direct contact with her, his minor sister, or our son until they are eighteen. His criminal case states he can see and live with his children and grandchildren as a stipulation his lawyer got added but juvenile court is different. So we hired ANOTHER lawyer who is now tsking on the protective order. It has already started for us.

This is difficult because there are so many questions at least for me - about who you thought he was and who he really is. first thing i told my son was to be honest with himself. if he needs help seek it.

Now i know the conversations going around about therapy and counseling but on another side, i have also heard from people that realized they could not change as easily without help and have been lucky enough to have found a therapist that has done just that.

He may or may not be completely honest with you. The thing about asking for honesty is you have to brace yourself for the truth. Of course the hardest part in being honest is facing rejection and losing you. Let him know that he can trust you with the truth because you obviously love each other very much.

Hope it all goes well and they go easier on visitation and such. You have a lot of difficult decisions to make. I am sure you will find what is right for your family and will do everything in your power to keep together. I can already tell that is important to you. sometimes it gets too much but at least you tried.


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searcht im sorry u going thru all this . the best thing to do is he needs to be honest with you and get the help he needs . if he is guilty of this , then he needs to take responsibility for it . and yes exspecially with kids it will be very hard for you but u will be able to get thru this and the future life to come . i have been going thru this 4 yrs so far with hub . i break down cry and pray . sometimes i just wana not even think about it all . i have night mares of the loss of my twin boys and how they cant have a life with us cause these stupid registry laws . and im torn up about it . then i sometimes just shut up clam up and dont talk but hub knows im upset and hurting , just dont tell him . one cause he cant do nothig to change the laws . two . hes already going thru all this pain as it is , he dont need me to say what im upset about . but searchth def def get some kind fliter for your computer when he gets home and or keep it password protected , only you know pass word . and most likely he wont be alowed online when he gets home if on probation parole . so u will not have to worry about that . , but if he is allowed make sure you get some kind of filter.

Going through a similar situation I blame the website and can say he probably isn't into it and it probably did come up on accident. Those sites are rediculous and need to be shut down. They need to go after these sites. I think they just ignore them and go after the people downloading it even by accident. I believe our roomate did the same thing. But won't admit to it so they accused my fiancé instead since he owns the house and he's facing 15 years now. And I know him like the back of my hand. We spent every day all day together for years except when we were at our seperate jobs and if he felt like going out w friends n I wanted to stay home. So I know that he's innocent 100%. How did your fiancé get such a short time? Any tips on that? I would trust him. And if you said yes to marry him you must love him. And often love his hard work. You do have to be dedicated to supporting each other.

I dunno if it's true or not but got a friend whose minister put a program that prevented him looking at porn and if he did it would send a report to the minister

Wow – this is a hard one and I am not sure of what I would do in that situation. I guess the answer is that it depends on all the details.

I do know that in the state of Fla when a person is charged with CP they do not have computer privileges until they go through a certain amount of treatment and then the counselor makes a plan but the person has to always (while on paper) have a program called Covenant Eyes. It costs 8.99 a month and the counselor is an administrator and I am an administrator. It is a good program and sends a report each week. You can also get it on Apple Products and Smart phones. Not only does it send reports but it will also block certain things.

Each person is different and their motivation is different but in my son’s case what has come to light is that he had a severe addiction to porn. Many reports are being written lately about possession of CP and except in rare cases most experts agree that possession of CP is about porn addiction and not an attraction to kiddie porn. In fact, most viewers of kiddie porn do it from curiosity. In my son's case he was 19 and searched for downloads of teenage girls. Also, you allude to the fact that they never did forensics on the computers. This is very common in these cases and I have come to conclusion that the reason they do not do forensics is because of probably several reasons but the ones I can think of are these – I know for a fact that the images they had listed (by these long internet identification numbers) in my son’s case were never found on his computer. I did not know that at the time of his case – I think that happens more often than not because internet images are fleeting and change and I am pretty sure that if the stuff in a search warrant is not found the case can be thrown out but what they do (state attorney) is they threaten the defense lawyer by saying your client better take this plea offer because we have not done forensics on his computer and if we do we might find worse stuff. I guess my point is that each case if different. The fact that your fiancé looked at kiddie porn does not necessarily mean that he has a deviant attraction to children. It may just mean that he was trapped by an escalating porn addiction. But you cannot determine that – only the experts in psychology can. I also know that a huge step for my son was when he realized that those teenage girls were either in bondage or forced to be in those pics by life circumstances. When he realized that he felt horribly guilty. I am sure (having children of his own) when that realization comes to your finance (if it hasn’t already) he will realize why it is so awful.

I know this doesn’t help much – and all that bloviating really boils down to every situation is different and you need to talk to him, and educate yourself to the details of his case, and educate yourself to the details of these kind of crimes.

I am with you OneofThem!!

Thank you for all of your responses. It helps to have someone to talk to that doesn't look at you as if you do a new head. In response to who ask me about his sentencing. He got three years and six years of Community Corrections afterwards. The lawyer that I chose did not have the biggest names in town but knowing how things work in most small towns. I chose a criminal lawyer who has been in business for 19 years. It is not always what you know but who you know and he had known the district attorney for a really long time. As a result, he was able to negotiate a reasonable to bargain. I would be happy to recommend him to anybody in my area of Tennessee as he is handled many of these cases before.

This is a good opportunity to teach your children how to protect and defend themselves against unwanted attention. not that i am giving into hysteria that your fiance will re offend - this is just good practice for every family and will go a long way in prevention. truth is he never offended in the first place as it was a c.p. charge and their recidivism rates are even lower.

two sites that may interest you

http://www.freerangekids.com/

http://www.stopitnow.org/

ONEOFTHEM hit the nail on the head. The recividism rates for CP are so low, more attention really needs to be put on this fact. It is always conveniently looked over by the fear mongering politicians though. .

"It is not always what you know but who you know..." - Isnt that the truth!

"A good lawyer knows the law. A great lawyer knows the judge."