TL;DR the man I love and live with is being charged with multiple felonies of child sexual abuse and I am terrified of the road ahead and don't know what to expect, and I really need support from people who get it.

Hi, I'm new here. I'm not really sure where to start so I'll just state the facts and then give backstory if you're interested.

1. I fell in love with a man five years ago who helped me through my darkest days and saved my life more than once.

2. He told me after a year of dating that he molested his little sister when he was in middle school. He went to a special reform school for boys that commit sexual offenses and eventually returned home.

3. He was sexually abused as a child by someone who the family lived with.

4. I recently found out, because she reported it and is pressing charges, that he assaulted her again when he was 19 (he is now almost 30). He never told me about this until the charges came out.

5. He is now being charged with sodomy of a child, first degree sexual abuse of a child, and multiple charges of second degree sexual abuse of a child.

I love this man and I believe in forgiveness and that people can change for the better. I'm terrified of the journey ahead, because I believe there will likely be prison time. He has been completely cooperative with the detective and admitted to what he did. I'm hoping he can get some sort of plea deal. He does not seem to be a threat to society and has no other charges. I'm terrified he'll go to prison. My dad was a cop, and I know what the guards and other inmates do to people who are in for charges of sexual crimes against children.

He might get killed. He's guaranteed to come out with scars. I think prison will ruin him. He's already so closed off and had started therapy and I think it's helping. If that gets taken away and he has to spend years in prison, he will change. He will be jaded. He will have to take whatever job will hire him because he will be on the sex offender registry for life. It will destroy him.

I believe in forgiveness. Humans are imperfect. God knows the mistakes I've made. I've hurt people and done cruel things, things that haunt me. I have apologized to many of the people I hurt and asked for forgiveness, and have forgiven myself for being young and naive. I had a good childhood and still made mistakes and hurt people, so I can only imagine the mistakes you'd make if you grew up being sexually abused. That changes the brain and can wire you for certain pathologies and behaviors. 

I hope they take his childhood abuse and the psychological damage it did into consideration. I hope they see that he is otherwise a contributing member of society and a law-abiding citizen. 

I have never been in trouble. No one in my family has ever gone to court or been arrested. This is completely uncharted territory for me. I have no idea what to expect and that terrifies me further.

I appreciate any input as to what lies ahead, and how I cope with this situation. I am scared and anxious and have no one to turn to because this is such a sensitive topic. I'm scared to write in my journal lest they search the apartment (we live together) and find something they can use against him. I just sit and stew in the anxiety and fear and uncertainty. 

I really need someone to talk to that won't judge and gets it...

Thank you for taking the time to read all of this <3