Families of SOs Community Group
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so many of you have read my previous posts and know that I have a very dear friend who is a RSO. He also had no idea that I knew of his conviction. I have played around with the idea of telling him before hand because I knew that it would be something uncomfortable for him to tell me. But I also wanted to give him the opportunity to tell me in his own time if he felt he needed to explain it to me at all. He said he wanted to explain some things about his past to me but always seemed to shy away.
I came here looking for advice and have to say I found some very positive encouragement and enlightenment and I have to thank all of you for that. This journey that we're in is not an easy one! There's a lot at stake for everyone involved. Those on the registry have to worry about revealing their past to people and possibly losing somebody that they love. Those who choose to love and support have to take into consideration the fact that they lose many of their friends and love ones for supporting something that very few people are willing to try to understand.
This is always going to be a hard road and its easy to fall into a tailspin of pain and confusion if you don't have a wonderful community like you all who we can talk to for support and encouragement. Many of us have been in different situations and we're able to point out how we got through them and let them know that there is light at the end of the tunnel.
Having RSO's in my family already has given me insight on the other side of the fence but I've never had to express to someone outside of my family that they are loved no matter what they did in the past. I (again) have to think many of you who emailed me and encouraged me and pointed me in the right direction. Honestly, without you I don't think the conversation would have gone as comfortably as it did. I understood what he was looking for and was able to respond in the appropriate manner.
He explained it the way he felt he needed to. I responded by letting him know that I did know for a while but never brought it up because I felt that when the time was right and he felt he needed to explain himself that he would. I just wanted him to see that I love him for who he is now, not for mistakes that he's made in the past. I wanted to reassure him that I'm a true friend.
Since this conversation our relationship has completely changed. He looks at me differently and it's so beautiful to see that look of trust in his eyes. That he knows that he can say whatever he wants to with me and I'm not going to judge him. It's important that he knows he can express himself completely and I'm not going to walk away. I have a beautiful friendship and I just want to say thank you to everybody who answered my questions and stood by me.
I have something beautiful to look forward to and I can't wait to share every step of the way and ask any questions that I may have and support anybody in any way that I can. This is a beautiful community and one that I hope to stick with for a long time!
I came here looking for advice and have to say I found some very positive encouragement and enlightenment and I have to thank all of you for that. This journey that we're in is not an easy one! There's a lot at stake for everyone involved. Those on the registry have to worry about revealing their past to people and possibly losing somebody that they love. Those who choose to love and support have to take into consideration the fact that they lose many of their friends and love ones for supporting something that very few people are willing to try to understand.
This is always going to be a hard road and its easy to fall into a tailspin of pain and confusion if you don't have a wonderful community like you all who we can talk to for support and encouragement. Many of us have been in different situations and we're able to point out how we got through them and let them know that there is light at the end of the tunnel.
Having RSO's in my family already has given me insight on the other side of the fence but I've never had to express to someone outside of my family that they are loved no matter what they did in the past. I (again) have to think many of you who emailed me and encouraged me and pointed me in the right direction. Honestly, without you I don't think the conversation would have gone as comfortably as it did. I understood what he was looking for and was able to respond in the appropriate manner.
He explained it the way he felt he needed to. I responded by letting him know that I did know for a while but never brought it up because I felt that when the time was right and he felt he needed to explain himself that he would. I just wanted him to see that I love him for who he is now, not for mistakes that he's made in the past. I wanted to reassure him that I'm a true friend.
Since this conversation our relationship has completely changed. He looks at me differently and it's so beautiful to see that look of trust in his eyes. That he knows that he can say whatever he wants to with me and I'm not going to judge him. It's important that he knows he can express himself completely and I'm not going to walk away. I have a beautiful friendship and I just want to say thank you to everybody who answered my questions and stood by me.
I have something beautiful to look forward to and I can't wait to share every step of the way and ask any questions that I may have and support anybody in any way that I can. This is a beautiful community and one that I hope to stick with for a long time!
You will too! So glad you were open and honest with each other. He is lucky to have you in his life.
Iris
You are indeed a very wise woman. The smartest thing you did was not push him. People who have either been in prison or have convictions---especially convictions that are sex offender related--- HATE to be pushed to tell anything about their plight until they are ready to tell.
I can tell you that from my experience as an inmate and as a registrant.
They are embarrassed and maybe a little humiliated at the charges. Trying to force information out of them or make them talk about it will cause them to push away and become distant.
It is an uncomfortable subject for sure; nobody really enjoys speaking about something that causes some emotional discomfort. They need space and time to explain it in their own little way.
rewdiazepam
If you would have put too much pressure on him to tell you about his past, you would have lost him---or at least he would have become distant.
The reason for this is that he would feel this way: instead of concentrating on the love you two have for each other, which is more important than anything, you would have shifted the number one topic to a subject he probably does not want to discuss freely.
He would have been gone. Maybe not immediately, but probably eventually.
rewdiazepam
Rew is absolutely correct. The fact that he told you is a testament to his feelings towards you. It is not something you tell someone that is temporary in your life. I wish you both a happy life.
You are indeed a very wise and compassionate woman. Your journey helps us on our journey and I look forward to hearing more from you. Love and Blessings to you and your friend.