I don't respond. My relationship with my fiance is none of their business or concern. His addictions or anything are none of their concern. So, I simply don't respond.

You know, I find Al-anon really helpful. I know they are traditionally there to help families of Alcoholics but in Al-Anon they talk about relationship issues and more and more the topic dual diagnosis / mental health/ sexual addictions etc. are included. Al-anon helps us focuses on US as the "partners of " and on how to create boundaries so other people don't use us, or like your friends, tromp right in and tell us what THEY think we should be doing. I agree with KnowNot below it's none of their business but that said you are the one who needs to work through this. NOT your "friends" who apparently don't think "addictions" exist?

As far as Ashley Madison (adultery and trolling for adultery presumably with "a consenting adult" and the Dugger's son, They want to frame what he did with family members as "adultery" but having sex with underage (non-consenting) members of your own family is not Adultery, it's a betrayal of quite another sort in my book. ,

The big problem I see with sex addiction is he can easily download or view cp. And if he's one of the unlucky ones to get caught then he'll be prosecuted, go to prison and end up on the sex offender registry. That can ruin his life, and yours.

Wow... people saying that an addiction doesn't exist... People can get addicted to a feeling, a drug, a person, a thing, a place, a way of doing things... some like to call it obsessive but that is all just part of the addiction.

If you feel compelled to respond to those folks, ask them if they believe everything they read on the internet. Because as they can find all those articles about how it isn't there are just as many that say the opposite, just have to change the google search.

The best bet is to ignore them, those that aren't there to support you in whatever decision that you make with YOUR life, aren't your friends. They just don't have enough to do in their own lives so they choose to mess with yours under the guise that 'they care'.

You also could present them with articles that stress that the lack of a support system will harm the rehabilitation efforts for your loved one. And because you care about him and love him that you are his support system and that is important to you. Your 'friends' should surely see that this is what is important to you and support you too, if they don't, let them drift, they aren't your friends.

A supportive friend to you doesn't have to like your decisions but they MUST respect them and support you however it turns out. That is what being a friend is really about, not approving or disapproving and trying to control the actions of your friends, but to support them in any of the decisions that they make regardless if they believe it is the absolute worst thing you could be doing... A real friend would know that they don't have to like all your decisions, they don't even have to be around all the time because of it, but they'll always care, they will always answer your phone call and they will listen to you until YOU figure out what is best for YOUR life.

My BFF watched me for 10 years in a terrible abusive relationship, told me that she didn't like him, told me that he was an ass, but never abandoned me... She may not have visited or come around alot but she was there for ME, so when things went south and it was a horrible breakup, she was there, she came back... she unconditionally loved me for who i was, not who I was with or the bad decisions I have made through out my life... And I have made a whole lot of them... That is what a friend is, usually you can count your friends, the real ones, on one hand. the rest are just, in all reality, acquaintances.

Don't let the naysayers get you down, tell them that if the internet told them that the best thing for their cellulite was to jump off the Brooklyn bridge, cause the fall would smooth out all the cottage cheese thighs, would they do it? If they were told by the internet that drinking only green tea for a week will cure depression would they believe that too? there is a lot of misinformation out on the internet and because anyone an post anything with few repercussions, you can look like an expert if you can speak well and have some kind of believable scenario. Then of course look at where they are getting their information from, are they biased sources that it is in their best interests to make groups of people out to look different than what the reality is.

hang in there, if they harass you on FB, unfriend them and block them, no real friend would try to publicly shame you in front of your FB friends to convince to abandon your loved one. It would be like someone standing up at a family reunion to publicly shame you, but they'll say it is different cause it is 'just facebook' If that were the case, then why are all those teenagers committing suicide because of the bullying they face on that damned social network.

He's already been arrested. We are in the midst of continued investigation, final charges, etc. he's been out on bail since mid-July, and in treatment.

Here is an article that explains addictions such as pornography.

http://tinyurl.com/o4fm93b

Almost all psychological addictions----sex, pornography, gambling addictions----follow basically the same pattern. Physical addictions such as drug addictions----heroin, opiates, barbiturates, etc.----follow a slightly different pathway, but are similar.

If you don't have time to read the entire article, here are some key passages--------

" A doctor looking at a heroin addict's brain scans. New research shows that men who describe themselves as addicted to porn … develop changes in the same brain area – the reward centre – that changes in drug addicts."

"Until recently, scientists believed our brains were fixed, their circuits formed and finalised in childhood, or "hardwired". Now we know the brain is "neuroplastic", and not only can it change, but that it works by changing its structure in response to repeated mental experience."

Porn changes the brain structure. A porn addicted brain is actually different than a normal brain.

This should be proof to anyone with any common sense that since an overload of porn over the years can actually change the makeup of the brain, then the pornography can be an addiction. The change in the brain chemistry is responsible for the addiction and the addictive patterns of behavior seen in addicts.

" .......dopamine is secreted at moments of sexual excitement and novelty. Porn scenes, filled with novel sexual "partners", fire the reward centre. The images get reinforced, altering the user's sexual tastes."

" Many abused substances directly trigger dopamine secretion – without us having to work to accomplish a goal. This can damage the dopamine reward system. In porn, we get "sex" without the work of courtship. Now, scans show that porn can alter the reward centre too."

" Once the reward centre is altered, a person will compulsively seek out the activity or place that triggered the dopamine discharge. (Like addicts who get excited passing the alley where they first tried cocaine, the patients got excited thinking about their computers.) They crave despite negative consequences."

The above paragraph explains why people deeply involved in any pornography, including child pornography, cannot stop their behavior.

Granted, this is not a scientific paper, but it has references to several scientific studies regarding pornography addictions.

I have several reputable studies on one of my external hard drives, which I will retrieve for you sometime today and send them to you.

The brain of a man with a pornography addiction is much different than a brain from a normal person.

There was a study this year which tried to prove that pornography addiction was non-existent, but it was so poorly written and disorganized that it, in my mind, is not credible nor is it credible in the mind's of many of the top scientists in the field.

But in the end, your friends will believe what they want. Most of these busybodies and "experts" in all areas already have their minds made up and they do not want to hear any facts.

You can show them all the studies in the world and it probably will not change their mind.

These people are people I deal with everyday.

I call these people "WILLFULLY IGNORANT."

You have to use your good judgment in these situations. After all, YOU are the one who will suffer the consequences if the relationship goes bad.

Will get back with you with some research papers and articles later this evening.

Keep your chin up and listen to your instincts.

rewdiazepam

I personally believe that there is indeed a sex and pornography addiction and that it can be treated.

The reason I am confident that these addictions exist is that these addictions show a chemical change in the brain which is responsible for the behavior.

In school, as part of my pharmacology studies, I had a course in addictions. The porn, sex, and gambling addiction is almost exactly like most other addictions and follows the same pattern.

These addictions are something that happens in the brain, but there is a physical component involved, as with all addictions. I don't see how anyone that understands addictions can say that porn, sex, gambling, or any other activity cannot be an addition.

Any action that excites areas of the brain, making the user want more and more is addicting. In fact, that is one of the main explanations for the addiction and an addiction causes this repeated behavior regardless of the consequences. Porn certainly can do that.

The changes in the brain area seen with guys with porn addictions are the very reason they cannot just stop looking at the images and videos. These addictions are treatable; they are not someone's imagination or an "excuse" for someone to use.

They are real, prompted by demonstrable changes in the brain area and the brain chemistry.

rewdiazepam

You dont need to respond. Sometimes you need to just nod your head and let it go. Family and friends do want the best for you as in my case they did. But what they failed to recognize is this is my decision. They lacked the insight on how i felt. I had to look deep into myself. I chose to continue my relationship. I looked beyond what everyone else thought i should do and feel. Yeah...i love them but it came apparent pretty quick that they had no clue. I quit talking about it to them. I appreciate their concern;however, if they really cared they would support my feelings.
There comes a time in life you have to do what's right for you. You are in control of your life. Only you knows what is best. So do what is right for you and you do not have to please anyone but yourself. Stick by your convictions. Be strong. It wont be easy but in the end you will be glad and proud of yourself. I wish you the best.

Ignore them. Sex addiction is a horrible thing that can easily tear families apart. You don't need to go out and have sex to be an addict. It is a difficult one to crack as sex is everywhere, adverts, tv, news, part of a relationship, how you bring babies into the world! The literature my husband came home with compared the withdrawal process to that of meth amphetamine.
I have folk telling me its not an addiction but they are usually the ones who smoke 40 a day and say they aren't addicted to smoking! I've learned very recently to say to these people you welcome support but negativity is not needed, you are big enough to make your own choices and they should respect that.

Amen to the remarks by westdenali (above) Not only have I found it necessary to have boundaries between myself and "my" sex offender so I don't guilt myself over his behavior (When did we get so we thought we "owned" anybody or could enable them into doing what we think of as the right thing?) but I also have come to realize there have to be boundaries between me and "outsides" who may want me to do it their way even if they haven't got a clue! Make your own decisions because right or wrong, good or bad YOU are the one who will end up living with your choices so...like westdenali says, look deep into yourself and go with what ever YOU decide is right for you. If you go with your gut feeling, then even if you end up regretting the descision, you will know you were at least true to yourself.

I guess there is no such thing as SA then, huh....some people I swear. People don't want to believe that people can become addicted to sex and porn. Some guys are so addicted to porn that they can't have a normal intimate relationship because their partner isn't what they see in the porn (fake boobs, plastic surgery, etc).

I very much agree with Rew. For those who want to stick their head in the sand, let them keep them there. You can't change their mind, so don't waste your energy on them.