Families of SOs Community Group
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rewdiazepam
I have often stated that the best method registrants and families of registrants have of stopping some of these laws or even getting a few of them repealed is to present the unfairness of the registry from the families point of view, the wives and the children, especially the children.
I have harped on this for years now and it is a point that was brought up by LegalGuardian and a few others in a recent thread.
Let's all be realistic and face the facts here----outside of our own family, nobody will ever be sympathetic to the plight of a registrant. Neither the politicians nor the general public care about the registrants themselves. Their attitude is that the registrants committed the crime, so they have to live with the circumstances. They made their bed so to speak and now they should not complain how they are treated. As far as the wives of offenders are concerned, the general public has a smidgen more understanding, but the prevailing view is that if the wives do not like having to endure the hardships of the registry, she should just pack it in and get out of the relationship.
Skewed thinking and thinking not based on a true understanding of the registration process or any common sense for sure, but this is the reality of the situation.
So as much as we complain and regardless of the intelligence of our protestations concerning the registry, the fact is that nobody really cares what we, as registrants, have to say. Period.
We need to get the families involved, the wives, and especially the children to take our fight to the politicians.
I think this is a strategy that could yield better results than registrants complaining about their plight. Not that they do not have a reason to complain at times, but nobody will listen.
There is a precedent in this country that the families can make a difference and that precedence was set over forty years ago.
That precedent was this nation's foolish excursion into a war we could never win, the War in Vietnam.
I lived through that period, so I don't have to have history books to tell me what happened. I saw it all.
The war in Vietnam was the last major conflict that utilized the draft, whereby men 18 years old were mandated to be available for military duty. Many were sent to Vietnam. Far too many shed their blood and died.
As the war escalated, and especially after the Tet Offensive in 1968, it was obvious that we were not going to win that war and it was a mistake to be there any longer. Our brave, young men were getting killed and wounded over there for no apparent reason. But of course, our government could not admit they made a miscalculation there, so the war dragged on.
All the GIs hated the war, the heat, the nightly patrols in the jungles, and just the fact of being over there. Did the government really care how the GIs felt? Of course not. Just like the registrants of today, the GIs did not garner much sympathy, as people felt it was their patriotic duty of be over there.
Nobody cared what our brave soldiers thought about the war just as nobody cares today about the registered citizen.
After all, what did the soldiers know? They were just grunts anyway.
But as the war dragged on to its eventual casualty rate of 58,000 young men, the mothers of these men and any future draftee became very angry and very vocal that they wanted an end put to this war.
What did the mothers and wives do? They took to the streets, they approached politicians, they carried signs, they contacted the media and explained what this needless war had done to their family. In short, the wives and mothers became like pitbulls.
The government and much of the public did not care about the individual GI, but they had to listen to the wives and mothers whose husbands and sons were being mutilated over in that God forsake place for absolutely no valid reason.
Soon these fighters, these ladies, the wives and mothers, had reached enough people and the politicians began to toy with the idea of a withdrawal---and the war finally ended.
The war in Vietnam did not end because this country ran out of soldiers or could no longer economically fight the war. The war in Vietnam ended because the wives and mothers got out in droves, confronted the politicians, and demanded an end to the war.
So the key, I believe, is to make the public understand how unfair the registration process and all its regulations is to the family and especially to the children.
The families of offenders need to approach these politicians in droves, involving the media, and going on some kind of publicity campaign to make people understand how the registry punishes the families, especially the children, who did nothing to deserve it.
This hopefully would make the politicians realize the we are real families and tax payers who want some fairness, not just some number or statistic. It would put a touch of humanity on the children and the family.
We should in some way get the children of the registrants involved and have them ask questions for things that they actually and really do not understand. Blowing off an adult is one thing, but doing that to a child is another.
Blowing off an adult might be permissible at times, but no politician wants to see a media story the next day how he treated a child.
If we could ever get a fair shake by the media or even get the media to report the terrible affects the registry has on the family members, we can make better progress. What could make a better story than a child being treated badly, not for something they did, but because of the registry?
The children could play a vital role. How does a politician respond when a child is talking and crying and asking why daddy cannot go to her school play or why daddy cannot walk to the park with her? And how do they respond when little Billy asks why his dad cannot attend some of his Little League baseball games? And what do they say when the children look them in the eye and ask them why daddy cannot pass out Halloween candy like their best friend's dad does?
Any sensible response would be difficult for any politician. Most all politicians have children themselves and they can identify with children who just want to do normal things like have their dad watch them play baseball or pass out candy on Halloween. Many politicians are ruthless, but many do have a heart toward children. Who doesn't?
So I don't know how it can be done---and maybe my thought are too simplistic---but we need to involve the families in our public relations campaign against some of the laws which have been passed for the registration process.
Barring a major court decision, I don't see the registry being abolished for a very long time, maybe never. There is no incentive to abolish the registry because nobody cares about the individual registrants. But I do think we can make some progress if we involve the family in getting some of the regulations repealed, such as residency restrictions, the Halloween mess, the ability to find employment, and the entire myriad of laws that are a ramification of the registy.
The registrants themselves will never be able to slay this dragon we call the registry.
Just my thoughts.
rewdiazepam
I have harped on this for years now and it is a point that was brought up by LegalGuardian and a few others in a recent thread.
Let's all be realistic and face the facts here----outside of our own family, nobody will ever be sympathetic to the plight of a registrant. Neither the politicians nor the general public care about the registrants themselves. Their attitude is that the registrants committed the crime, so they have to live with the circumstances. They made their bed so to speak and now they should not complain how they are treated. As far as the wives of offenders are concerned, the general public has a smidgen more understanding, but the prevailing view is that if the wives do not like having to endure the hardships of the registry, she should just pack it in and get out of the relationship.
Skewed thinking and thinking not based on a true understanding of the registration process or any common sense for sure, but this is the reality of the situation.
So as much as we complain and regardless of the intelligence of our protestations concerning the registry, the fact is that nobody really cares what we, as registrants, have to say. Period.
We need to get the families involved, the wives, and especially the children to take our fight to the politicians.
I think this is a strategy that could yield better results than registrants complaining about their plight. Not that they do not have a reason to complain at times, but nobody will listen.
There is a precedent in this country that the families can make a difference and that precedence was set over forty years ago.
That precedent was this nation's foolish excursion into a war we could never win, the War in Vietnam.
I lived through that period, so I don't have to have history books to tell me what happened. I saw it all.
The war in Vietnam was the last major conflict that utilized the draft, whereby men 18 years old were mandated to be available for military duty. Many were sent to Vietnam. Far too many shed their blood and died.
As the war escalated, and especially after the Tet Offensive in 1968, it was obvious that we were not going to win that war and it was a mistake to be there any longer. Our brave, young men were getting killed and wounded over there for no apparent reason. But of course, our government could not admit they made a miscalculation there, so the war dragged on.
All the GIs hated the war, the heat, the nightly patrols in the jungles, and just the fact of being over there. Did the government really care how the GIs felt? Of course not. Just like the registrants of today, the GIs did not garner much sympathy, as people felt it was their patriotic duty of be over there.
Nobody cared what our brave soldiers thought about the war just as nobody cares today about the registered citizen.
After all, what did the soldiers know? They were just grunts anyway.
But as the war dragged on to its eventual casualty rate of 58,000 young men, the mothers of these men and any future draftee became very angry and very vocal that they wanted an end put to this war.
What did the mothers and wives do? They took to the streets, they approached politicians, they carried signs, they contacted the media and explained what this needless war had done to their family. In short, the wives and mothers became like pitbulls.
The government and much of the public did not care about the individual GI, but they had to listen to the wives and mothers whose husbands and sons were being mutilated over in that God forsake place for absolutely no valid reason.
Soon these fighters, these ladies, the wives and mothers, had reached enough people and the politicians began to toy with the idea of a withdrawal---and the war finally ended.
The war in Vietnam did not end because this country ran out of soldiers or could no longer economically fight the war. The war in Vietnam ended because the wives and mothers got out in droves, confronted the politicians, and demanded an end to the war.
So the key, I believe, is to make the public understand how unfair the registration process and all its regulations is to the family and especially to the children.
The families of offenders need to approach these politicians in droves, involving the media, and going on some kind of publicity campaign to make people understand how the registry punishes the families, especially the children, who did nothing to deserve it.
This hopefully would make the politicians realize the we are real families and tax payers who want some fairness, not just some number or statistic. It would put a touch of humanity on the children and the family.
We should in some way get the children of the registrants involved and have them ask questions for things that they actually and really do not understand. Blowing off an adult is one thing, but doing that to a child is another.
Blowing off an adult might be permissible at times, but no politician wants to see a media story the next day how he treated a child.
If we could ever get a fair shake by the media or even get the media to report the terrible affects the registry has on the family members, we can make better progress. What could make a better story than a child being treated badly, not for something they did, but because of the registry?
The children could play a vital role. How does a politician respond when a child is talking and crying and asking why daddy cannot go to her school play or why daddy cannot walk to the park with her? And how do they respond when little Billy asks why his dad cannot attend some of his Little League baseball games? And what do they say when the children look them in the eye and ask them why daddy cannot pass out Halloween candy like their best friend's dad does?
Any sensible response would be difficult for any politician. Most all politicians have children themselves and they can identify with children who just want to do normal things like have their dad watch them play baseball or pass out candy on Halloween. Many politicians are ruthless, but many do have a heart toward children. Who doesn't?
So I don't know how it can be done---and maybe my thought are too simplistic---but we need to involve the families in our public relations campaign against some of the laws which have been passed for the registration process.
Barring a major court decision, I don't see the registry being abolished for a very long time, maybe never. There is no incentive to abolish the registry because nobody cares about the individual registrants. But I do think we can make some progress if we involve the family in getting some of the regulations repealed, such as residency restrictions, the Halloween mess, the ability to find employment, and the entire myriad of laws that are a ramification of the registy.
The registrants themselves will never be able to slay this dragon we call the registry.
Just my thoughts.
rewdiazepam
We need to educate the public on how the registry negative affects the family and the children of the registrant.
Many do not know because we do not tell them. Many will understand and some may even come over to our side, but we HAVE to speak out and tell them.
The time for hiding and being reluctant to speak out is over. I know that many people are reluctant to speak out in fear that they will lose the little they have. Well, if we don't start speaking out, we will lose EVERTHING we have.
rewdiazepam
I fully support this all..my wife, Weng, is a Filipina national. She's never even been to the US, but, she's certainly been affected by the laws, as she's married to me, an American on the registry. We have no kids though.
Dave in the Philippines
I got primary custody of my children and raised them to adulthood. That was in a much more sane time in early 2000. I since have had so much more dealings with vigilantes I am very glad my children didn't have to grow up during those times.
I worked most of my time on the registry and made very good money then things changed. Laws kept accumulating until even listing your employer and supervisor made getting a job much harder.
The emotional abuse to families has to be horrific and children with family on the registry have to really suffer at the hands of a sadistic mob of total nuts! Hopefully the big reform groups attract people rather than detract people or very little will change.
And it will take a lot of careful planning so it does not appear as if we are "using" and exploiting our children and wives. I can already see what the opposition will say, "Those rotten sex offenders have stooped so low that they are now dragging their wives and kids to meetings to be complainers also."
I have been in this fight so long that I almost can anticipate our foe's next move or how they will react. But there are some people on this very board that can have some important and useful input with other ideas on how we can accomplish this.
For once, we have to educated the public through the media. I can guarantee you that not ALL the people who hate us are aware of what life is like for the families of the registrant. Some will be horrified to learn how some of the family, especially the children, are treated because of the registry. BUT, they have to be told.
Dave, you said, " One caveat..certain politicians, POINT BLANK, publicly, have stated they don't care about the children and family members of registrants, they will always put the 'victims' and their 'rights' first."
I am aware of what the politicians are saying, but I can guarantee you that if we can win some sympathy toward the families of registrants, and especially the CHILDREN, these politicians will change their tune.
During the time of the Vietnam war, politicians also stated that "we must stand and fight the scourge of Communism," and I also heard the old line, "If we allow SE Asia to fall, there will be a domino effect and the spread of Communism will be rampant." I heard all that.
But these same politicians changed their tune when the people of this country were educated and could see that the war was a huge mistake.
It only takes a few disastrous photo ops to persuade a politician to change his mind.
I distinctly remember that Walter Cronkite began to question our involvement in the war. As time went on he even became critical of the administration. LBJ, the President at the time, said, "If I have lost Cronkite, I have lost middle American." LBJ was so demoralized that he decided not to even run for re-election in 1968.
The politicians have used the media for years to spread hate and propaganda against us. Well, fine, if they want to use the media, fine, WE will also use the media. One thing I know that politicians HATE is when the media begins to portray them as the "bad guys."
Politicians say they don't care about the families. Well, if we involve the families, and the politicians become too hateful and overbearing, ESPECIALLY when dealing with a child, I can guarantee you that said politician would not want to see his hatefulness on full display on the six o'clock news. The bad press of blowing off a bunch of innocent children would be very worrisome for them. And if it appeared on the news or the local TV station, they would really panic.
TV cameras and a few well written articles written on how heartless some of our politicians are when they continue to pass these laws will hopefully make the other side blink.
But all these tales of woe and unfairness CANNOT come from the registrants themselves, the registered sex offenders. As I said, the general public does not care how we are treated or what we think. It is up to the families, just as it was in Vietnam, to tell our story to those who will listen.
Appearance is everything and the media can be a very powerful force. Things stick in the public's mind when they SEE it as opposed to when they just read about it. Let's find a way to show the public the unfairness of these laws that come from the registry from a human standpoint, with the wives and children.
The average man or woman in America usually tries to be fair and for the most part are decent human beings. No, we will not reach everyone, as some people just will never respond to any amount of education. BUT I have talked to people about the registry until I am blue in the face and they are horrified when they hear of some of the restrictions or laws against sex offenders. I don't know how many people have told me, "These laws are just not right. Some of them need to be changed." when I speak with them.
As I said, for years our foes have used the media to spread lies about us. GOOD, we can play the same game. We can use the media to show the general public how our leaders, especially the politicians, have no concern about the families of sex offenders.
The politicians always use the tired, worn out phrase, "Think of the children" to get some of these idiotic bills passed. GOOD. We can push it back at them and ask them, "You are so adamant that these laws are needed "for the children." Don't the children of registrants matter? What about THOSE children? Do they somehow not count?
These are just some ideas I have had for quite some time now.
Obviously what we are doing is not working that well. Yes, we are making progress but it is very slow. Maybe it is some time to also try a new avenue.
I am just throwing these ideas out there. This will take a group effort if we are to have any success. We need everyone to unite and tell our story. We have 750,000 stories out here, so it should not be difficult to find some that show the total insanity of some of the laws of the registry.
rewdiazepam
So, I can certainly pitch the proposal(s), but you need to understand it might lead to nothing. We'll see, and we'll 'blow up that bridge when we come to it'. If so, we'll just have to think up something else.
Dave in the Philippines
This does not have to be a legal challenge. In fact, my proposal or idea was that it was not a legal challenge to the registry or the laws. Maybe you, with all your resources and people much more intelligent than me, can use this in legal arguments, but my first thought was not to use this in a LEGAL manner at all.
We can use this as a education campaign to show the decent folks in this country that the registry is really punishing a group of people who have done nothing wrong----the families and the children.
My idea was that we can maybe put some of these politicians on the defensive and they will not be so eager to pass more restrictions when we show the entire world that these laws are breaking up families, hurting children, and punishing people who did nothing to deserve any kind of punishment. Most politicians will pat themselves on the back when they brag that they are so pro-family and pro-children. We will see.
Let them hear from the family and the children themselves at how the registry affects their lives.
My idea was that we start putting a HUMAN face to all this, to show everyone that the families are hurting because of these laws. We have to appeal to people's humanity also. It is very easy for the politicians to pass detrimental laws from the comfort of their chair in a controlled environment, but it is very difficult when the most vulnerable of society, the wives and children are standing there wanting answers. It is kind of like how pilots have no qualms dropping bombs on a civilian population from 14,000 feet in the air. They never see first hand the damage done This sanitizes war. We need to humanize our plight.
I don't really mind if it comes to legal challenge, but we need to get out there---in an organized manner---and have our families tell their story.
People hate registries, but they do like children and underdogs. The people and politicians will at listen more intently if it is the FAMILIES and most importantly the CHILDREN of the registry who tell their personal story.
It is not really the registry itself that we want to show is unfair, but it is more the RULES and REGULATIONS passed because of the registry that do the most damage to families. I don't need to list all the rules of the registry that rob our children of their childhood and devastate families. No need to preach to the choir here. But it is the new laws (which are BTW almost always retroactive) made every year, year after year. that have a cumulative effect which harms the wives and children of registrants.
People can hate me and it does not bother me. I can take it, but I would ask them to please not hate my wife or family just because of me.
Just ideas. I don't consider this necessarily an act of advocacy since I have not made any specific plans to carry this out. My idea is only a generic and general idea on how to deal with politicians who pass all these laws and the public who hate us so much.
rewdiazepam
When I was in prison, I was a tutor. I was taught that success begets success. When one of my students started his process of learning to read and became more and more proficient, he became more and more interested to learn. With his initial success, he wanted even more success in educating himself.
This idea will take some time. It will not be an instant awakening by the public. But as we make some gains, others who normally would not come forward because of fear will slowly begin to come out and tell their story. This will embolden the family members to come forward.
It is like the town bully. Once someone makes a stand and the bully is beginning to lose, everyone who has ever been abused by the bully will come out of the woodwork and tell their story.
My idea may be just a pipe dream, and if it is, that is OK. But if we are ever successful in turning the tide, we have to involve the families.
rewdiazepam
Dave in the Philippines
My husband wouldn't be nearly as appealing but would be willing.
I'm up for legal or media campaigns depending on what's involved.
That is one of the problems I can see. Getting the stories of these children out without putting them on the front lines or making it look like we are exploiting them. If it looks as if we are doing that, it would just kill us
This is why I said that there are many more intelligent people around than I am. Many others can use some creative thinking and find a clever way to involve the children.
rewdiazepam
This is the 'forewarned is forearmed' part of the equation you and Aladdin were talking about.
Just had to have some fun, friend. I do appreciate your and everyone's help, though.
rewdiazepam
Dave in the Philippines
Dave in the Philippines