cmimi45, I am speechless at your story! Your words make my heart ache with grief for you, your son, and your grandchildren. Thank goodness your grandchildren were placed with you and not in foster care. This is just so sad and overwhelming that I feel totally inadequate to offer helpful words. But, please know that my heart reaches out to you wordlessly and aches with yours.

Keep coming here and sharing with us. We all know about this unending nightmare, because we're walking our own tragic roads.

Cmi,

Welcome to the board. You are at the place you need to be for support.

This is a support forum and solely a support forum. It consists of mostly ladies-----wives, mothers, GFs, and family members----of offenders. There are a few registrants here also.

We concentrate on understanding your emotions and needs.

As a mother of an alleged offender and the grandmother of an alleged victim, you are in good hands, trust me.

I am so very sorry that you, as a grandmother and a mother to your son, are having to endure this. These situations are just horrible, horrible times, I know.

Many of the ladies here are in the same position you are in. They have some grandchildren which have allegedly been molested or assaulted by the son.

Tough road to be caught in the middle like this. Very difficult situation and I am sure nobody fully understands the emotions you are going through until they have gone through those same emotions themselves.

Just hang on. We do not judge here and we are very understanding and compassionate. Nobody here will call your son a monster and we will all have empathy for you and your granddaughter.

Furthermore, unlike society, nobody here will criticize you for still wanting to support your son, even though he may be guilty.

We understand.

God Bless you.

rewdiazepam

Thank you so much. I will continue to reach out. It is much different sharing and listening to others than people who have never experienced this. It is amazing what you learn about the people in your life when something like this happens. I have been amazed at times as some have responded much differently than I would have expected. People I thought would have reached out to him have rejected him and others I thought would have rejected him have showed up on some level to offer support and or prayers. Thankfully, more people have responded with love and grace. I have had to be more careful about who I talk to about it. I do not want to hear the words "What if it was the guy down the street" one more time. So I am practicing a lot more discernment.

In my experience, after hearing the stories, the first thing outsiders will attempt to do is to criticize you for standing beside your son. They cannot seem to understand that, even if he is guilty, he is still your son, your flesh and blood, the person you carried in the womb for nine months. He is the same little boy who you proudly sent off on his first day of school.

Nothing----nothing---can ever change those facts nor the facts that you love him unconditionally, which you should.

These who criticize are just busybodies who have never been placed in your situation. Your true friends, the people that really care about you, will rally around you, take you in their arms, and console you. Anyone who criticizes you has no part in your life anyway.

One thing about these situations-----You will find out who your friends are. That is for sure. Sometimes it is very painful when someone who you thought were your dear friend turns out to be a dud. But it is better to find out now than later.

Right now, you should take it slow, protect your granddaughter, while letting your son know that you will not----under any circumstances----desert him.

Keep your faith and keep your chin up.

rewdiazepam

I cannot imagine what you are going through. You are in good hands here though! Everyone is super supportive and non judgemental.
I'm with you on the "what if it was the guy down the street", I end up biting my lip until it bleeds at times from those situations! Reality is it's not the guy down the street, even though I'm sure we all wish it was at one point, it's on our doorsteps and when it's your situation your eyes see things differently.
You are not alone through this, it might feel like it at times but there will be many on here who have been in similar situations who can give you amazing support.

Welcome Cmimi45,

I fully understand the line you walk, between wanting to support your granddaughter and support your son. It is possible to do both. I am the wife of the abuser and the mother of the victim.

Hubby was given a 30 yr sentence and the plea deal wasn't much better. Daughter advocated for a sentence much less (under a decade), but the DA refused to listen (although by law they have to consider what the victim requests). The DA tried everything in their power to remove my children, but CPS saw no need to remove them, as I reported the abuse as soon as I was made aware.

I am glad you were given custody of the grandchildren, they are in much better hands with family than with the state. You can be there to help your GD through the healing process, reassuring her she isn't at fault for what happened, and knowing you believed her makes a huge difference.

Your son, although you don't agree with his actions, still need your support to get through the legal process and turn his life around. With any hope, they will offer a plea deal that is good for both GD and your son. Your GD feels as justice was served and doesn't have to testify against her dad, and your son can get a sentence that he can join society again.

I'm so sorry for your pain, but I'm glad you found us.

Cmimi... So sorry that this has happened but I am so happy that YOU have the children and not some unknown foster care. It should make it so much easier on the kids being with Grandma.

You are in the first steps of getting help for your son and your grandchildren You did the most responsible thing you could do. I hope you see that and do not feel badly about what you did. You are very lucky that your grand daughter had the courage and strength to confide in you! She should be rewarded for her actions. She saved both herself and her brother..

Please rely on this board for support no matter what you need. . We are here for support and advise. If you don't feel comfortable asking in public please use the PM (Private Message) to ask your questions.

So sorry for the reason you are here but so glad in the way you've handled is so far!

I give you the highest respect and credit for reporting your son, who you clearly love, to protect your granddaughter from further sexual abuse. I have wished with all my heart that my children's father had been reported and gone to jail. He is free and suffers no consequences for molesting 6 pre-teen girls, four of which were nieces and one was a younger sister. I kept our daughters away from him until they were teenagers and I had talked with them about sexual abuse and what to do if an adult makes them uncomfortable or afraid

I am so sick of knowing he will not pay for his crimes, and other young girls in his reach are in danger. I didn't know the extent of the molestations until years later, and none of the victims chose or were allowed to talk to the police about it.

Believe it or not, you having the full truth and that fact your son will face the consequences of his crime, I would rather have that than what I'm dealing with, a pedophile who is dangerous, selfish and free to act on his urges if he gets an opportunity. You are not burdened any more with secrets and fears of the future for your grandchildren. You're free, the children are safe, and he is where he needs to be. He can get help while incarcerated, and no longer have the sickness of secrecy and shame that damages HIM as well as you and your family The worst thing is the helplessness. I feel helpless and sad, not only for myself and the victims, but even for him. I have wished all these years for this to end, somehow. I know the family would turn on me if I tried to do it on my own, with the knowledge I have and the suspicions I carry.

It's great that you have custody! It's good to know the children will grow up in a safe environment with family that loves them.

I can't imagine the situation you are put in right now. It is truly terrible place to be :-(

I have seen this in friends of friends situations where people are mad at the mothers for not disowning their child. I don't think they understand the concept of love. He is still your son, he made a horrendous error in judgement and has irreparably harmed his own children and your grandchildren. He must pay for his crimes, but that doesn't mean you stop loving him. I truly question the humanity of some people.

Sorry you need us but glad you found us, we all have our quirks but the best thing is we want to help. Please don't hesitate to ask anything.

To be clear, I talked with the mother of the girl who first reported the abuse, over 30 years ago, and pleaded with her to call the police and report him for child sexual abuse. She refused. I can't blame her for her response, but the others could have been prevented. I would have been absolutely supportive of her and her daughter. Since she did not, I took the only action I thought I could, by leaving him and moving with my children away to another state.