I think it really depends. I'm in PA near the MD border and my husband took a plea to Indecent Assault (falsely accused by my step-daughter) Anyway, he was allowed to come home to our house and we have 2 sons here.At the time they were 10 and 13. C&Y came by once and we were never bothered by them again. Probation was the worst thing we really had to deal with. He wasn't allowed in parks and had to clear just about his every move but he was off in half time and can now go and do what he wants.

Well, Swoopie, you both have time to decide between now and when he might might be paroled.

There are a couple of books about family safety plans etc for when/if he comes home/ if you want him back in your marriage and in your kids lives. Learning about, creating and following a Safety Plan is for his safety as well as yours and your children's (whose safety, I am sure is the first priority for you both)

A Safety Plan is also helpful for you to have in dealing with social services etc who might want to step in and "protect" your children, (who will still be very young when he gets out) they will expect you to make decisions that demonstrate you are protective to prevent social services taking over.

One book you might want to read is Treating the Non-offending Parent in Child Sexual Abuse Cases and the second book is entitled, Connections Workbook. Both were written by Jill S. Levenson & John W. Moran. They certainly aren't the only books but they should give you a start on figuring out what might be best for you and your family and if you decide to continue your relationship, the children's father should be part of making a safety plan and following through. Hopefully he will also get 'treatment' in the facility he is in and will come out of prison with a better understanding of his own part in all this and will realize that putting a safety plan in place will protect him as well as you and your children (at least from being revoked or you from having the children taken away if you chose have him live with you and the children when he comes home.

Swoopie,

Welcome to the board.

Nobody can answer all your questions with assurance, but we can give you a general idea of what you are facing when your husband is released from prison.

I am assuming that your husband has some "paper" time to serve after his release under the control of a probation officer. Paper time is the part of the sentence that is not served in prison; it might be called supervised release, probation, or parole, but it only means that he will be outside prison living and working, but under the control of a PO.

If he has a probationary period his probation officer will have a big influence in his life. He will establish some guidelines for your husband. He may not allow your husband to live under the same roof as your children, he may not allow your husband to live near a school, and in the beginning he may have a curfew. There will be other rules as sex offender probation is very intrusive and strict; and many times it is unreasonable.

But he may be able to live with you and the children after his release from prison; not all POs enforce this restriction. I am sure he cannot be around minors other than his children and the PO will most likely order him to stay away from areas "where children congregate," such as playgrounds and city parks. So much depends on his PO.

Or he may be able to see them with a chaperone or someone designated as a chaperone present. There are so many variables here that I do not want to get too specific.

The PO may require polygraphs and therapy sessions. If he does well in the therapy session and is not seen as a predator, the chances of him living with the children greatly increase.

Even while he is on probation, he will be on the sex offender registry and will have to abide by all its rules. He will register anywhere from every 90 days to once a year and will be on the registry for a period of time as set out by Pennsylvania law.

Once he has finished probation, he will only have the registry to contend with. I don't know of any law which states a registrant cannot live under the same roof as his children unless that child was the victim of his crime; but if he lives with the family, you can probably expect an investigation from the CPS. These Child Protection Services are very difficult to deal with.

After probation, there may be residency restrictions, although I am not sure in Pennsylvania. Faeryedark is from Pennsylvania and she knows much more about that particular state than I do as far as the regulations.

These rules seem very strict, but as I said, he might not have all these rules on probation. And remember, once he is off probation, the rules are greatly relaxed.

These are some general guidelines regarding his restrictions.

I was never on probation, as I served my entire sentence in prison, so I am not as well versed in the probation area as most of the members here. I am sure someone will come along and add to the information I have provided.

This entire situation may seem hopeless, but it is not. It will take a lot of work and you will have to condition yourself to "take one day at a time" and perhaps even compartmentalize things to make it easier.

Most of the posters here are women just like yourself with either a son, husband, or BF in prison or on the registry. These ladies are good women---courageous women--- who have either been through this or are going through this and they are probably the only people in the world who truly understand your burden.

Do not be afraid to reach out for help; after all, this is a support board, the best support board for sex offenders on the internet. We all needed help at some point. We were all dumb about the system and scared half to death at one time, so we understand.

The biggest fear of all is the fear of the unknown. Prison, felony convictions, probation, etc. are so foreign to most people as they have never dealt with these subjects, but we are here to help you; and we may in fact, learn from you.

We are family and we share our knowledge so that these situations are tolerable. We don't allow trolls or troublemakers on the board, so relax.

If there is a subject that you would rather not discuss on the board, you can send a PM--private message----to one of the members.

Hope you stick around so we can help each other.

rewdiazepam

and swoopy, if you are concerned about your husband's safety while in prison, rewdiazepam provided a link for SO's Sort of a guide for SO's to get through prison and get out safely. I couldn't find the link but maybe Rew still has the link?
If you want to pass the info on to your husband it might ease his time and ease your mind. It helps to know you don't have to worry about them as much while you deal with all that you're dealing with right now. Also I would recommend you get a mail box for your address so all the SO stuff won't come directly to your address. It also helps deflect employers from putting two and two together and dumping on you.

Like Rew says hope you stick around so everyone on Daily Strength can help and you too will have experience, strength and hope to offer all the rest of us an the next newbie who hears the police knock on the door and has his/her life rearranged forever.. You are stronger and more resilient, kinder and more capable than you ever before imagined. . Take care. Janet Mackie

Janet and Swoopie,

Here are the links for prison safety. They were not written by me, but they are good.

http://tinyurl.com/qfm64pv

The link below was originally written for inmates---sex offenders---to survive at a Sensitive Needs Yard in California, but the information is still good information and I agree with most of it.

http://tinyurl.com/kfebgzq

Hope this helps,

rewdiazepam

There aren't any statewide residency restrictions. There were a couple of towns that had them but they were shot down by the State Supreme Court some time ago. Tho' as was said, the PO might have some requirements while on supervision

Swoopie, I really feel for you. We are only weeks away from the year anniversary of my husbands arrest. Its not something I will be celebrating! We have 2 young children too and have done the pros and cons of sticking with him. Its still something I question. It was a difficult decision to stay with him but I love him. The fallout of it all has hit us hard. He is not allowed to live with us at the moment. He was only allowed access to the children in a specific location until we took CPS to court and won.

With the media some people knew from the day it went to print, others didn't. Even one of our closest friends read his name but really didn't think it was him. A lot of people are supportive, many aren't. Its not easy but either way it wont be easy.

My husband served his short prison time, now he's on a reform program for 3 years and may be on the register for life. I take each day as it comes.

Thanks for all of your input and information. I'm not sure that he, or I, truly understand the effects of his actions. How far it will reach. My focus has to be to my children and their lives and keeping them as normal as possible.

I've passed on some things I've read here to him. Some of which he already figured out before me passing it on to him. He sounds ok. He finally got phone privileges and a phone card... So is is helpful to talk to him.


We never really talked through things. I had told him we would deal with us after the legal aspect was done, not thinking it would be this extreme. And he isn't really willing (or has the time) to speak on the phone much. I guess we'll have to sort this out through letters.

I'm still so torn.

Swoopie; Just a thought, prison phone calls are monitored and recorded. Letters are censored. visits through glass are monitored and recorded too. Visiting rooms where you have face to face contact may be the safest places to talk things through if there are other things/ the situation is more involved than then the authorities realized when they initially charged him. People can be 'overheard' and prison visits are expensive but 'therapy' costs a lot too and if you don't understand each other's basic point of view regarding what happened and form common goals by talking openly ...? If you send books and information back and forth and speak in the third person...he thinks, she thinks their daughter thinks as though the two of you were just discussing some one else's situation , maybe some 'opinion' from a book or daily strength...You might be able to maintain your own privacy, speak openly without endangering anyone either. Sometimes CPS gets reports from prison about who is siding with whom? . Just a (slightly paranoid) thought from someone who has visited.
You say "My focus has to be to my children and their lives and keeping them as normal as possible." and his focus as their father should be that also.

Janetmackie- nothing outside what is already known. We never talked about the fact that he was seeking out other women (adults) during the course of our marriage. While I was pregnant.

There are no contact visits where he is now. And the visitation is very limited since he is still in intake or whatever it's called. He is being classified.

swoopie: Well adultery is betrayal but at least it's with presumably consenting adults in person or n the internet. I'm not sure how long you have been married but the marriage itself doesn't sound like it turned out to be what you expected when you said your vows. Every one faced with all these decisions makes their own choices for their own reasons. Whatever choices you end up making we all really do understand and support you on Daily Strength. As you said, it is a struggle. A lot of people focus on Post Traumatic Stress but you know there is such a thing as Post Traumatic Growth. Going through this you will discover that you are stronger and smarter, more resilient and more courageous than you ever imagined. Take care Janet Mackie