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I want everyone who has a loved one convicted of a sex offense and who is either in prison or going to prison to read Alik76's post on the "Making New Friends" thread.
Her husband was a sex offender and when he entered prison he, of course, did not advertise that his charges were sex charges. After a while, a couple of the inmates got to know him and liked him. So when they found out he was a sex offender later, they overlooked it.
Read Alik76's post----
""My husband isn't out yet but even in prison he's made some "friends" (come to think of it I think he's got more friends inside than he's ever had before). One guy in particular has become a friend to my husband and has made comments about sex offenders. When he found out about my husband, he told my husband that he's a good guy and he can see beyond his conviction...."""
Notice the part that says, "One guy in particular has become a friend to my husband and has made comments about sex offenders. When he found out about my husband, he told my husband that HE'S A GOOD GUY AND HE CAN SEE BEYOND HIS CONVICTION...."
As I have preached, it is never a good idea to let inmates know your charges right off when you go in. Have a cover story, especially if you are in a medium security facility. At that point they don't know you from Adam and for all they know you might be a serial child molester; it is human nature to think the worst.
But later, after they get to know, like, and respect you, if and when they do find out your true charges, they will overlook them as they did in Alik76's husband's case. I have seen this happen in prison many times. If you are a nice respectable guy, the charges do not mean much, but if you are creepy or a new guy, the charges being sexual in nature are used as a reason to harass you.
Inmates do not beat up other inmates they like. That is human nature.
This rule I state about hiding your charges in the beginning with a cover story may not work all the time, but it usually does; but it is much better than going in there, immediately telling the other inmates your charges before they get to know you, and getting beaten up.
I am only trying to help the mothers and wives here feel better about the safety of their loved one in prison. I hope this helps a few.
rewdiazepam
Her husband was a sex offender and when he entered prison he, of course, did not advertise that his charges were sex charges. After a while, a couple of the inmates got to know him and liked him. So when they found out he was a sex offender later, they overlooked it.
Read Alik76's post----
""My husband isn't out yet but even in prison he's made some "friends" (come to think of it I think he's got more friends inside than he's ever had before). One guy in particular has become a friend to my husband and has made comments about sex offenders. When he found out about my husband, he told my husband that he's a good guy and he can see beyond his conviction...."""
Notice the part that says, "One guy in particular has become a friend to my husband and has made comments about sex offenders. When he found out about my husband, he told my husband that HE'S A GOOD GUY AND HE CAN SEE BEYOND HIS CONVICTION...."
As I have preached, it is never a good idea to let inmates know your charges right off when you go in. Have a cover story, especially if you are in a medium security facility. At that point they don't know you from Adam and for all they know you might be a serial child molester; it is human nature to think the worst.
But later, after they get to know, like, and respect you, if and when they do find out your true charges, they will overlook them as they did in Alik76's husband's case. I have seen this happen in prison many times. If you are a nice respectable guy, the charges do not mean much, but if you are creepy or a new guy, the charges being sexual in nature are used as a reason to harass you.
Inmates do not beat up other inmates they like. That is human nature.
This rule I state about hiding your charges in the beginning with a cover story may not work all the time, but it usually does; but it is much better than going in there, immediately telling the other inmates your charges before they get to know you, and getting beaten up.
I am only trying to help the mothers and wives here feel better about the safety of their loved one in prison. I hope this helps a few.
rewdiazepam
Inmates do not beat up other inmates they like. Remember that.
Take the inmate issue out and use some common everyday sense. If you hear something bad about a person you don't like anyway, what is your reaction? You think to yourself, "Well, I don't doubt it. He might be the type to do something like that," or "I knew that SOB was no good," or "Just as I suspected and I believe every word of it." You are not likely to give him the benefit of the doubt.
But if you hear something bad about a person you like, respect, and are friends with, what is your reaction? It is usually, "Well, I don't believe all that," or "there must be more to the story," to "I don't believe he would do that," to "Well, I don't really care. He is a good guy and I like him." You make excuses for your friend and give him the benefit of the doubt. You are more apt to overlook any bad story.
Inmates can be evil, but they are people also and they have some of the same reactions to situations that people on the outside have.
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Your husband is doing this just the correct way. He is helpful to the other inmates with their GED studies and legal work. As a result, they have a reason to respect and like him.
This is the way that an inmate becomes what I call an "OK Guy" in prison. He lets the other inmates know he is one of them and he is helpful so that they want him around. They are not likely to bite the hand that feeds them.
"OK Guys" do well in prison even with sex charges.
One wife told me that the idea of a cover story was a bad idea, that the inmates would be even more angry if they found out he lied about his charges. She said they would hurt him for sure then, so she said she had her husband convinced to be honest with them from day one and tell them his true charges. I warned her that was a very bad idea.
Well, he did it anyway and got beaten to within an inch of his life.
It is always wise to listen to the people who have already been to prison.
rewdiazepam
I could not agree with you more. My uncle has been incarcerated for 23 years. Along this road that he's had to endure he has gained the respect of so many people...inmates and guards alike. Families of the people that he has impacted love and care for him. He is well respected because he teaches people how to live in peace and harmony just by going back Basic Human interaction and friendships. my uncle is deaf, so I've had the privilege of getting to know all of his cell mates because they interpret his calls for him. They know his past but he's so much more than a title and he treats them as so much more than their conviction. I wish we could all be like that. We're all the same. We're all human and we all make some mistake in our life... no matter what it is. We should all have the opportunity to move on.
Him telling the other inmates "he does not want to talk about his case" is almost as bad as admitting his crime.
That is a red flag to inmates and they know he is hiding something. Now they will be looking for anything. Inmates may not be book smart, but they are very street smart and they can read people really well.
Think about it. New clean cut guy comes to prison with no tattoos and does not act like he has ever been in jail before; in fact, he seems out of place or completely out of his element and he is clueless.
Now when they ask him his charges, he "does not want to talk about it." Hmmm. Wonder why?
Let's see, most sex offenders are clean cut. Most sex offenders have never been to prison before. Now this guy does not want to talk about his case. Most sex offender do not discuss their cases.
Any other crime and he would have no problem at least telling them the charges.
Bingo!! They know what is going on.
I can just hear one inmate talking to another inmate on the pod. "You know that guy in cell <fill in the blank>? You know the clean cut guy? Well, he is acting very strange when I asked him his charges and what he was in here for. In fact, he refused to talk about it. Wonder what is up with this guy. I wonder if he is a baby raper or a chomo? We need to get the goods on this new guy."
Yep, they will think the worst and they will do anything they can to find out his story. It is examples like this when they are suspicious and they call Uncle Billy to get on the Internet and Google your SILs name to find out his charges.
A cover story has to be convincing, but you cannot just take the Fifth when they ask.
rewdiazepam
My cover story was "shooting with intent to kill."
Here is the process I used to come up with my story. I did not look anything like a criminal and I had never been to jail. I knew inmates would know that.
I was/am clean cut, no tattoos, not muscle bound, just the ordinary guy off the street. My crime was a violent crime so I had to pick a crime that was violent in nature. I also had to pick a crime that was compatible with my crime. I received 20 years, so I chose "shooting with intent" because I knew a guy who went to trial and received 20 years for this charge.
I needed to pick a crime that is not uncommon and one that could happen to anyone. I felt a crime of passion was a good choice. Every day guys get into an argument with their wife or girlfriend, something crazy happens, and a shooting occurs.
So here is the story I made up----------""" I said this-----that my wife and I were in the midst of a divorce. That she came home one night late and got smart mouthed with me. An argument ensued and I became angry and fired a gun at her. I had been cleaning my .38 when she came in the door. I just got sick of her mouth and shot at her. We were at our old house, the one I was kicked out of when she filed for divorce. She called the police and they took me in and I was charged with "shooting with intent to kill."
I went to trial and lost. I received 20 years and here I am.""
I memorized and pictured in my mind a thousand times of how the "pretend" crime happened. So much so that I could rattle it off in my sleep.
I am also a good liar. ha ha
I don't mind telling others if it will help them. I would like to make people think I am 240 pounds of pure muscle----and a complete badass--- and can fight like Mike Tyson, but that would be a lie. I cannot do that. I am just an ordinary looking guy and if you saw me on the street, you would never guess that I had been to prison.
I am pretty wirey and was a good athlete, but I weigh less than 200 pounds and I know I am no match for some of these inmates, especially if they had weapons. I can take care of myself OK---and I did in prison---but not to the extent that I wanted to fight every day.
So I used the cover story.
It worked for about three years until one inmate who had to go back to my county for court was in the county jail with someone who knew about my case. Finally, it leaked out in prison when he came back, but as I said, by that time I was known as "Mr. REW" in the prison, everyone liked me, and nobody even cared about my charges. And those charges were very serious------first degree rape of a minor. They were not true, but that is why I was there.
So a cover story is needed.
I just don't want any of my friend's loved ones with sex crimes to get hurt in prison. At a medium security prison, they WILL beat you up or seriously hurt you if they find out you are a sex offender BEFORE they get to know and respect you.
Medium security prisons are no Sunday Schools. The one I was in was known as "Gladiator School" in the rest of the system.
Hope this helps,
rewdiazepam
If you can sit down and talk like a human being with another inmate and you carry yourself well, you will do OK in prison. I know one lady here with a son in a medium security federal prison who had some bad charges and he is doing very well because he just knows how to get along with the other guys.
rewdiazepam
First, you were not in a medium security prison. That jail or holding cell you were at is was not where these guys were going to be the rest of their lives as in the case of a medium security prison. At one of the higher security prisons, the inmates---most of whom are doing a lot of time---- look at that as their "home" and "neighborhood." They do not want a sex offender or someone who has any crime against a child living in their midst. One of the reasons inmates hate a child offender is that many of them were abused themselves when they were young. Frog, your victim was NOT a child.
Next, your crime did not involve a child; it was neither child porn, molestation, or sexual assault of a minor.
Next, your crime is one that most inmates can relate to----a woman lying, in this case about her age. Even most inmates have enough sense to see the difference between a crime involving a teen and one involving a 12 year old.
Most inmates cannot relate to CP or child molestation. That really bothers them.
Frog, if you had been in a medium security prison with a crime of CP and told them "straight up" about your crime, you would not have been at that prison at the end of the day. They would have either run you off the yard or threatened you so badly that you would have sought PC. If you had refused, they would have assaulted you.
rewdiazepam