Trusting... off the subject of Valerie for a moment, I'm interested in your theory. I was sexually abused from the ages of 3-6 by an older teen babysitter. I never told my parents (fear that my dad would have another heart attack stopped me) His mother DID find out, but blamed me...I still can't stand the sight of the woman...anyway, though I forgave my abuser a long time ago. As i got older, I remembered snippets of conversations my mom and she had about "troubles' he was going through. I can clearly see the signs of abuse and firmly believe that was the case...he was being abused at the time he was abusing me.
Doesn't make it right, but it certainly makes it understandable.
Anyway, i'm interested in your theory, thanks

Thanks for sharing faerydark. Attachment patterns can actually be identified in the first 18 months of life and are stored in each of us as implicit, non-verbal memory, and they throughout the life span. Amazingly we learn how to care for our own kids and loved ones due to how we remember being cared for as infants!

They are the most important indicator of how we will respond in relationship, because it is what we KNOW. We internalize the way our primary care givers soothed us and that is how we then sooth ourselves. As I said the good news is attachment patterns are not set in stone.

Trauma AND and attachment insecurity can be a doubt edged-sword, yet can also be worked through.

Thanks for your interest. Knowing that I may help others heal is what makes me TICK - it doesn't matter who we are or what has happened to us we are showing ourselves all the time through our body language and our actions were our wounds are ... AND each of us, as is the Earth, is a self-organizing - self-correcting organism that when given the right environment repairs and heals itself. It is why I TRUST THE MYSTERY OF LIFE SO MUCH, but first we have to admit we have work to do and then offer ourselves up to the fires of transformation.

Dont flatter yourself sweetie..I have been causally observing this site for over a year, your post had nothing to do with it ..my response just fell in behind your post. No more no less.
1) Yet, all sexual offenses are not the same.(well I assume we all have enough education to figure that out. I'll make you a deal you quit minimizing the truly heinous ones and I'll quit maximizing the others."

2)We on this site want fair treatment for ALL. NO DEAL, your definition of fair treartment is next to nothing treatment regardless of the crime.

3)injustice by the system ?? (Your preachin to the choir , no one knows how screwed the system is than myself.). Secret to that is a better lawyer and more balls than they have..Famous old quote by a dear judge friend of mine, "if your looking for Justice" the Justice system isnt the place to find it"

4)TO HELP YOU, NOT SILENCE YOU " oh so let me get this straight, "
Her name is Valerie Parkhurst and she is as big a bitch"" google her and you can find all kind of crap on her" "unrepentant SO wouldn't touch her"""She has been convicted(misd.)" "I've always been one to poke at things that crawl out from under rocks" and if I really cared a few more quotes, so you mean "that kind of Help"???c'mon its me your talkin too, you guys cant even get your criminal histories right on either side of the board, but you want to "Help" me"???

Thanks for the reply Trusting, it gives me somethings to think about. My mother and I DID NOT have the best of relationships when I was a child., but my dad was my champion

""""Trusting... off the subject of Valerie for a moment, I'm interested in your theory""""
sorry I dont like this format or I havent figured it out thius response is for you. I have always maintained and feel adamant, that sexual abuse is generational and the abused often grow into abusers, Your members without realizing it make my point for me with post as yours. I do not consider it rocket science that it would be healthier for all involved to keep those who have been "infected" and not treated away from a new crop of victims. We all know the numbers of abused "girls" are staggering. I have noticed many girls grow into women and are drawn to abusers in adult relationships, you have many on this site. I dont consider that healthy in itself, and not many of these women can profess they recieved any real "treatment" when the abuse was recognized by adults. Other women who did recieve "comprehensive" treatment (keeping in mind not all treatment for sexual abuse is worth its salt) seem to have an aversion to developing and maintaining relationships with abusers (just an observation)

Valerie: 1st off, Trusting wasn't one of the ones that said anything bad about you. And you have to admit, just from the little I've read of inflammatory posts that you've placed in other places that there's a reason why people go on the defensive just at the mere mention of your name. We all know how the justice system is...we all live with it day by day. My definition to the fair treatment is that the punishment fit the crime, and the crime be based on real evidence, not emotion. So many people say that the victim has to live with it the rest of their life, so the SO should live with it the rest of their life, too. What you don't understand is for the majority of SO's, whether or not there was a registry, they do live with it for the rest of their lives. They live with the guilt, the remorse, and the fact that they changed someone's life forever every single day. I agree, there are some truly horrible people out there, but that's not with just sex offenses. What the main problem is- the registry is so broad that no one can tell who the horrible people are out there anymore. The ones that do their time and go through treatment and work to better themselves, as well as the ones who did something as innocent as peeing on the side of a road because they couldn't hold it are thrown right in with the predators. "Once a sex offender, always a sex offender" is completely false. I know from personal experience. I was sexually abused repeatedly and raped when I was a child, but I know that the person that did these things to me got the help that he needed, and I know that he lives a good and moral life now. I don't know if you'll listen to what I just said...I know that the most understanding person can become completely closed-minded on this subject. I just wanted to give you the thoughts of someone that lives on both sides of the coin. Thank you for reading this.

""" the main problem is- the registry is so broad that no one can tell who the horrible people are out there anymore.""" bingo and there are some pretty horrible people on that registry so horrible in fact they shouldnt be on a registry but in a cell. I have educated myself on the crimes and statutes I know how to read them. Know how to search for them and in some states you can access court records without Paying for them that allows me to get a very clear picture of an offender. Regardless of how minimizing their wife, girlfriend or mother wants them to appear. My suggestion is never take an offenders word or their (immediate families) for their circumstances surrounding their conviction. More often than not that ends up in a tragedy for someone. To truly be on a mission to alleviate sexual abuse the general public must always lean on the side of extreme caution surrounding this crime and the perpetrators convicted of them. I think most people would be hard-pressed to argue that. Too many stories of abuse when a trusting public" thinks otherwise. What the public "never sees" is the medical records of treatment, and I am far too skeptical to lean on those who are publically funded for sex offender treatment.

I do believe in treatments, because of exactly what you said in an earlier post...that the ones that offend have usually been abused themselves. Don't they deserve to get treatment to become healed and whole, too? Talking about keeping the "infected" from infecting a new generation...why can't we heal them instead of condemn them?

You put too much faith in "treatment" by a broken system on adults whose sexual patterns have become ingrained. To date despite what RSOL groups love to tout "successful adult sex offender treatment" has a dismal success rate. and the older the adult even less so. "Questionable treatment methods" unfortunately is aimed after the horse has left the barn not directed at victims who in the big picture? Should have recieved it at the time of the abuse and for longer periods than it is offered. If I read your mission statement correctly "families" and members of this group should be more outraged at "VAWA" than at people like me. Do you know what this "Taxpayer funded program is"? Do you know how much money is allotted to it? Do you know how much your city recieves in these grants? Do you know what they do with the funds? I havent read where any of your group or any other support groups mentions it. You seem to lean heavily on each other and while thats good to a degree, You have paid many times over for "support" by alot smarter people than you or myself. Children are amazing in their abilities to "heal" and become whole. Adult sex offenders (not so much) I would think a well thought out and more successful avenue for healing would be to aim resources at those young victims. Adult sex offenders have "family" members who are included to recognize "triggers" in an offenders behavor and act accordingly. My long road of observation is more offenders would be better off alone than leaning on some of the women I have interacted acted with on this issue. In fact its rather frightening if society uses some of these women as stopgates for dangerous behavor patterns, many (women) who are the center of an offenders world seem to come off as antagonizing an offenders stability rather than diminishing "triggers". Make no mistake, the crimes are horrendous when the family is woven into the treatment plan. HORRENDOUS and yet we as a country are dependant on some pretty dysfunctional people to look for dangerous re-offend patterns??? Our present definition of Treatment of this behavor is woefully inadequate at adult levels..yet you want us (society) to lay our eggs in that basket, I dont agree with it.

Ok, it seems that you have your mind made up no matter what anyone says...so I will not argue or discuss this with you anymore, it's like beating a dead horse. I'll just say a couple of more things, and that's it. 1st, I pray to God that you are not judged too harshly when it's time for all of us to meet him, because his wrath is mighty for the ones who take it upon themselves to do his job. 2nd, you yourself have said that you never had any abuse or trauma in your childhood or life that made you form the opinions that you have. In my opinion that means that you have no right to judge anyone in these situations anyway because you have never been in a situation that placed you as a victim in the 1st place. How would you know the dynamics of all of this if you hadn't had at least some sort of personal experience? And I can tell you right now, the statisics that I've seen on all this comes straight from the USDOJ website. And those people that are smarter than me? That must mean they're smarter than you, too, because I KNOW I'm an intelligent person...I have the IQ to prove it. If you're gonna judge, you better be absolutely perfect the rest of you life. And I don't see that happening, because you're not Jesus. I will pray for you...

We should actually thank old ch-ch-ch-chia-head, I mean Valigaturd, I mean Valerie Parkhurst, for all the free advertising for the conference. Not only did the number of attendees nearly double the expected number, plus new members for the local chapter, the RSOL could not have asked for more awareness and publicity FOR FREE. So the RSOL Conference is thankful for that.

Other than that, there is no reason to bother with Val.

How is the conference going, wish i could have made it. I saw they had some videos up, but I haven't had the chance to watch them.
Hopefully next years will be closer to me

Ok, it seems that you have your mind made up no matter what anyone says...so I will not argue or discuss this with you anymore, it's like beating a dead horse.
that wasnt an argument you asked an opinion I gave you my answer there was nothing antagonistic or angry about it. I asked you about VAWA, did you know about it? No response, I thought I was rather polite but you dont like the answer so now I am the bad guy? If your last comment is indicative of rational, informative dialogue with those you seek to educate about this issue? But you take my dialogue as an attack, how do you expect to change or reform laws with the power pushers, if you cant intepret my above post as anything but hostile? It is nice that I can validate my opinion about your (core) contributors though.

She is banned!

Thank you for banning her. I couldn't handle her bad spelling. it was driving me crazy. So was her Dudley Do Right attitude. Might Karma take its place in her life soon.