Families of SOs Community Group
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Here is the story. My husband is a registered sex offender. He was convicted in August 2005. Child molesting was the charge. He had consensual sex with a 14 year old. He did go to prison served his time, took all classes and was on 4 years of probation. He was ordered to take lie detector test every 3 months. Passed everyone of them with no issues. He was also a victim of sexual abuse. From very young to about 16 he was molested and forced to have sex with his sister.
We jump to now. We married in April of 2011 and my children were living with their biological dad. We since have moved the kids in with us since I have full physical custody and the bio and I share legal custody. My question is this. Can my kids be taken away because of who I am married to? Since he is off probation there's nothing anyone can say or do is there? IM TIRED AND CAN'T SLEEP...IM AN EMOTIONAL WRECK! I AM AFRAID!!!!!
We jump to now. We married in April of 2011 and my children were living with their biological dad. We since have moved the kids in with us since I have full physical custody and the bio and I share legal custody. My question is this. Can my kids be taken away because of who I am married to? Since he is off probation there's nothing anyone can say or do is there? IM TIRED AND CAN'T SLEEP...IM AN EMOTIONAL WRECK! I AM AFRAID!!!!!
I do know that my husband is not what this girl is making him out to be and would never harm his daughters (or anyother child), but the way this world is I am going to loose him and my daughters are going to loose their father ... this is not fair this happened long before I meant him and long before we had children.
What these laws are doing is breaking up families and I wish that there was more that I could do to get my voice heard. When people don't step back and look at the whole picture it hurts me, it hurts to see so many one sided people, such closed minded people. I do believe there are people out there that should not be with their children and should be locked up for a long time but I know that my husband isn't one of them.
I do see what you are saying and do not think highly of our social services system. It is hit and miss at best, criminally negligent at worst. In explaining your situation to me, I can see you have asked yourself the hard questions and that you see no risk for your children. I do agree there is a huge difference in viewing CP and physical contact and in a perfect world each situation should be evaluated individually. My point is that all of us have to be willing to ask ourselves the hard question...is there risk? IF the answer is yes, then it is in my mind, black and white.
Always, I am so sorry for what you are going through. It sounds as if you and your family have been through hell. I know that innocent people sometimes suffer and I am so sorry. I too wish that people on BOTH sides could step back and look at the whole picture. Not only does our current system hurt families of offenders, it also hurts victims. It is a flawed system and I in no way want to diminish the pain your family is going through. My point for the original poster was simply have you asked yourself the hard questions? I wanted to know if the OP was sure there was no risk to her children. From your tone I know that if you thought there were any risk to your children you would not allow them near your husband.
However, I have seen other families where mom's love life was more important to her then her children's safety. I have seen cases where daughters were blamed for "seducing" mom's boyfriend and so on....So where do we draw the line? How do we protect those children who need to be protected, while respecting the rights of families like yours? That is an issue that is not black and white, on that I will agree.
a few, and if I think of more, i'll send them to you
Our situation as I mentioned earlier is pretty long and complicated. As I've said my hubby and his brother have had hot/cold relationship over the years Hatfield's& McCoys minus the pig and the long rifles.
My in-laws are not very stand up people and have lived on the dole for as long as I've known them. My BIL is always "injured" and receiving some sort of workman's comp or disability. Currently, I think he's working seasonally, enough to fulfill whatever demands welfare has on him and get EIC.
Anyway, we used to allow visits between my step-daughter and her Aunt and Uncle, our boys used to visit but can't stand either of them because they always favored my step-daughter for whatever reason.
Well, about 9 months before all of this went down, my step-daughter started acting "weird' she'd get phone calls from her "cousin" my SIL's nephew, and she would take the phone out of earshot...mind you, she was 13 at the time. I found that to be odd and she would talk on the phone real quite and play with her hair and be all giggly... then i found a note in her room to a friend about how "JR made her feel like a woman and she lost her virginity to him etc.
Yeah, "JR" was 23 at the time. So, we had to carefully question her about it, and the whole thing came out, that they would meet up at her Aunt and Uncle's house and that things had happened upstairs between the 2, touching and stuff.
Well, we did what we had to do, we called the police and reported him. My in-laws were irrate, "why didn't we contact them and let them handle it in family" etc. that's when we stopped talking to them altogether.
My step-daughter, ended up angry at us because we had her "true love" arrested ...found out (from the police) she was his 3rd under-ager and he had a 15 year old pregnant at the time.
Well, she started sneaking calls to his work and my in-laws. She would stop by my in-laws after school, when I was at work etc.
Then she ended up a 'special school" for troubled kids and was there for 6mos. She did well there and they wanted to mainstream her back in, and it was right around that time, at the end of the school year in '08 that she made her claims.
She asked to be put into my in-laws home. CPS placed her there, until i called and threw a hissy fit...told them to check their records and see where she was when she had been messed with by a 23 yr old.
They pulled her out, and put her with her Grandmother for a while, then with a very good foster family.
It was during that time, that she tried to set some girl's hair on fire on the school van. We didn't find that out until the DA sent my hubby's PD a copy of a request to have that tidbit left out of the court proceedings.
All the while CPS wanted us to reconcile and bring her back home. We said 'no, we have other children to protect" We never got an answer on why CPS chose to keep that info from us.
Anyway, we took it to court, that was a farce. After my step-daughter testified she came out in the hallway and I kid you not, there were at least 7 witnesses (myself included) to my BIL asking her, "Did you use your words? Did you turn on the waterworks? Do you think they bought it?"
Yeah, but when we reported it, we were told there was nothing we could do about it.
My hubby's trial ended in a hung jury
After all that, when my hubby was offered a plea to Indecent Assault, a misdemeanor and 3 months in jail, 3 years probation, and 10 years on the registry, he took it.
We took a chance, we weren't willing to take another.
What use would it be if he ended up in jail for 20+ years? Yeah, he could've appealed but most likely he would've sat for 20 years and still ended up an RSO AND missed his kids' lives.
Oh, and after he went to jail,CPS placed my step-daughter in my in-laws home
Now you can see why I loathe CPS
baileygirl is a person from a victim forum here on DS. her sole reason for being here is to disrupt support. see other posts for links to what she really means to do here.
sorry for the inconvenience.
baileygirl is a person from a victim forum here on DS. her sole reason for being here is to disrupt support. see other posts for links to what she really means to do here.
sorry for the inconvenience.
baileygirl is a person from a victim forum here on DS. her sole reason for being here is to disrupt support. see other posts for links to what she really means to do here.
sorry for the inconvenience.
baileygirl is a person from a victim forum here on DS. her sole reason for being here is to disrupt support. see other posts for links to what she really means to do here.
sorry for the inconvenience.
yep and I'm with you on that train of thought.
My cousin first reported our grand father when the day I turned 13. They did an investigation and decided that he just needed therapy and that he could only have supervised visitation with his grand children. Well, thank god that was the end of the abuse for me. However, by the time my younger cousins were in his target range everyone thought he was "ok". After all he had been through treatment! Another whole generation of girls was abused.
CPS doesn't always get it right, for anyone.
Anarchy how do I find the links to see what she means to do hear?