Families of SOs Community Group
WE HAVE MOVED!!! ............................. ............................... ......................... ............................ ............................. .......................... HERE: http://support-for-families.boards.net ............. ................ ............... ................ ............................... .................Please create a profile...
As to your situation: knowing that this individual is a registered sex offender, and allowing him to have access to your children puts you in dire risk if he re-offends. Call child welfare, anonymously, and ask about this. Call the Dept. of Corrections, again anonymously, and ask the very question you pose in your post. This is a critical situation for your children, yourself and your husband.
No offense to previous posters, but I wouldn't trust CPS as far as I could throw them. they are most likely to tell you whatever they feel like, depending on the day of the week, phase of the moon, month, and year of the Chinese Zodiac, if you get my drift.
Once you get your answer from a reliable source, if it's not one you like, see if there are things you can do...some places might stipulate that your kids not be alone in his company, or want him to take extra classes, or for you to take chaperone classes etc.
Good Luck!
Please get some advice from a lawyer hsbower on this.
Tell me would you like to see a family broken up? How would you explain that to kids?
So no its not black and white.
My family should have been more careful. They should have asked the hard questions of themselves....just as I am asking this woman to do. I wish you could speak to my mother and father. I wish you could have seen the look on their face when the day came that I asked them why? Why they didn't keep him away from me when they knew what he had done to others. I assure you, no reason was good enough for them. I have forgiven my parents and love them with all of my heart. However, they have never forgiven themselves and it has cost them dearly.
It really is that black and white.
Nothing is black and white it must be nice to live in your world.
I really wasn't trying to upset you and I am sorry if I did. It's not about living in a nice world and for the record, my world is most likely as confused and messed up as most peoples. I have a different perspective on protecting children because I was not protected. My parents have a different perspective today then they did when I was a child. Please believe me, I am not trying to goad you, upset your or anything like that. I just simply don't see how it can not be that black and white when it comes to the safety of a child.
Too many families are torn apart. there is not enough support from society towards healing and working on family relations.
Does that mean that every family can be healed, or every ex-offender trusted, of course not, but measures can and should be taken towards healing if possible, including at least limited contact even if supervised
Too often I read of children not allowed around a parent, even when the child was not a victim and not even in the "right"demographic(if you will) Even if said parent would incarcerated for years. Come on now, to say tha's overkill is putting it mildly
I most certainly do feel for children who can not have a relationship with their parent because they are a SO. I understand your point about them being the wrong "demographic" and the parent having been incarcerated for years. But, we keep loosing sight of the fact that if the person in question is guilty, then we must recognize the fact that there is a chance they will re-offend. Even if it is only a 5% chance of recidivism, I wouldn't be willing to take that chance with my children or my grand children.
Would I choose my children's safety over my happiness? Yes. For me that is the question and it is black and white.
Of course, you have to remember, as far as the law is concerned, my hubby is guilty, but yet, my sons can live with him and in fact his stipulations are specifically, no UNSUPERVISED contact with FEMALES under 18.
And yes CPS is well aware of the situation. In fact they did one home visit when all this was still in the pre-trial phase.
Yes, 2 workers came through our door, stood by the door, asked me to call the boys down stairs, said "Hi!" to them and then left
LOL! We got a report a few days later in the mail, stating that our sons were clean, well-groomed, looked well cared for, the house was clean and we had plenty of food ect. in the house.
Hmmm...how they got all that, I don't know. I mean, they were right, but how they discerned that is beyond me.
Anyway, I'm ever so glad that in my state they do allow children (non-victims) to be with their SO parent.
We also have to remember that when we speak of sex offenders, nationally that definition is very broad. So, we shouldn't be painting everyone with same brush, that's especially where each case is individual and not black and white