Families of SOs Community Group
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Just wondering if anyone else experiences this:
I think because every time I talk to anyone to try and get my husband out on parole I just get worse and worse news. First they told us he wouldn't be able to live with us, because we have two young children, whom he took care of full time before he was taken away. Then we were told he couldn't have any contact with them. Now they will not even let him parole to our house even though it has been empty, vacant no kids or anybody for that matter since the day he left. I needed help taking care of our children while I finished graduate school so I had to move in with family. Every time one of these things has happened its like a huge crushing blow. It just seems like it will never end. Every time I try and do anything it seems like it gets worse.
Last week I called his "facility"to talk to field services aka the parole people there and had a completely circular conversation with this man who then decided to hang up on me because he didn't feel like talking to me anymore. He answered none of my questions and just refuses to put our own house into the system for his parole site. Even though it says on the computer thats what the parole agent wanted him to do, long story these people don't care and whenever I talk to them it just seems like it gets worse.
Now my husband wants me to call and talk to the warden, or someone over his head and complain that he hung up on me and that nothing is being done. My husbands parole date was about two weeks ago now, so if they would just put this paper work in he would have at least been back there by now.
Anyway the point of my story is that I have been avoiding making this phone call and now he says he feels abandoned. Honestly I am afraid to make the phone call. I am afraid of what they'll say. What they might do. Who else I might piss off. What other note they might put in the system to keep us apart. I am afraid now when I go visit that one of these times they will just turn me away.
I have to make these phone calls tomorrow and I am sick over it. Anyone else go through this? What do you do to still keep going? Is it better to just leave things alone?
Thanks for all the continued support
LN
I think because every time I talk to anyone to try and get my husband out on parole I just get worse and worse news. First they told us he wouldn't be able to live with us, because we have two young children, whom he took care of full time before he was taken away. Then we were told he couldn't have any contact with them. Now they will not even let him parole to our house even though it has been empty, vacant no kids or anybody for that matter since the day he left. I needed help taking care of our children while I finished graduate school so I had to move in with family. Every time one of these things has happened its like a huge crushing blow. It just seems like it will never end. Every time I try and do anything it seems like it gets worse.
Last week I called his "facility"to talk to field services aka the parole people there and had a completely circular conversation with this man who then decided to hang up on me because he didn't feel like talking to me anymore. He answered none of my questions and just refuses to put our own house into the system for his parole site. Even though it says on the computer thats what the parole agent wanted him to do, long story these people don't care and whenever I talk to them it just seems like it gets worse.
Now my husband wants me to call and talk to the warden, or someone over his head and complain that he hung up on me and that nothing is being done. My husbands parole date was about two weeks ago now, so if they would just put this paper work in he would have at least been back there by now.
Anyway the point of my story is that I have been avoiding making this phone call and now he says he feels abandoned. Honestly I am afraid to make the phone call. I am afraid of what they'll say. What they might do. Who else I might piss off. What other note they might put in the system to keep us apart. I am afraid now when I go visit that one of these times they will just turn me away.
I have to make these phone calls tomorrow and I am sick over it. Anyone else go through this? What do you do to still keep going? Is it better to just leave things alone?
Thanks for all the continued support
LN
This kind of thing takes a lot of patience. Your man will feel a lot better knowing you're trying. Share with him each step you have completed along the way. That will make it easier for him to keep from losing hope while he waits.
Everyone has someone to whom he or she answers...even the warden. Gather the info on his/her chain of command, as well. There is someone in every state government who's in charge of prisons and parole. It's probably a senator or representative. Find out who it is by googling. Find out who sits on any committees working on prison and/or parole reform or legislation. Call the appropriate senators, representatives, etc and ask for the name of his or her chief of staff. Call that person or write letters, if necessary.
The work you do in this regard will benefit not only your man, but many other people in similar situations. I know you didn't plan on this extra work, but think of it as your higher calling in life. Because it is. People need what you have to offer. You're highly educated and many folks in these situations aren't. Your education will be put to good use for the benefit of many people besides your own family.
(((HUgS)))
I have also avoided giving details of who I am. I am in a profession that typically commands respect from most people but of course these people talk to me like I'm the dirt underneath their shoe. I have thought a lot about explaining that I take care of people in his shoes everyday, and treat them with respect, despite the fact that we have completely opposing purposes in life. I treat cops and even COs on a regular basis, and I think that that means something. But I guess these people probably don't care. IDK. Any opinions on should I just leave that out of it?
I wish I had had some training in this stuff! Lord knows I've been in school for a decade but I still don't know how to get anyone there to do anything for me.
Any thoughts on how to not do that? I just can't figure out how to be neutral, how to hide it either
Thanks again!
Don't give up on this its what they want you to do.....in other words don't let them win!
As far as the emotions...talk to your doctor about your antidepressant meds. Make sure your prescription is sufficient for your current challenges.
Also...repeating phrases to myself, such as the following, always helps me.
1. God always gives me what I need, when I need it.
2. If God calls me, He also enables me.
3. I can do all things through Christ, who strengthens me.
4. He that spared not His own Son, but delivered Him up for us all, how shall He not with Him also freely give us all things.
5. Be content with such things as you have, for He has said, "I will never leave you nor forsake you.
6. My times are in His hands.
I could go on and on, but suffice it to say I freely confess that my strength does not come from inside myself. It comes from God, who loves me and whom I can trust to walk with me through every dark valley.
http://www.nationalrsol.org/affiliates
Scroll down and click on Illinois Voices. They have a web site, email, and phone number. Don't be shy about contacting them for help.
Two weeks ago I took my son to the million mask march. It was so important to me that he be there. It was basically a protest organized by the group Anonymous. For me personally, to be a part of these things, has become very therapeutic to over come the feeling of a perpetual victim of these draconian laws. Strongly recommend!:-)
Deena
I am trying right now to figure out who exactly to call, they don't make it particularly evident. I'm sure it keeps most of the people wanting to talk to them away. I will look on the website you suggested. Thank you to everyone.
I definitely relate, I have very overwhelming visceral reactions to these things, dry heaving is not an unknown response for me. I was the worse when we had to go to court, but I think doing these things brings it all up again.
I think the feeling of being able to do nothing is the most frustrating. I think given my emotional state I am better off sending letters, but that takes a long time and then its easy for them to not respond. I wonder if I could call and then send them letters summarizing everything, just to make sure they haven't forgotten. And maybe forward the letters or keep track of them and send those to a legislature. IDK.
My dream is to one day live a normal life. Not a boring life, but just one filled with normal problems. I hope we get there, and I hope the same for all of you here as well. We all deserve the right to live a life with our families. Its amazing what they have the right to destroy and separate.