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Candice2244
Candice2244

Today I went out with some old friends. Trying to keep up appearances that everything's good. I've told them that my husband and I are planning on divorcing and of course this brought on a plethora of questions. I've come to realize that I am a very good liar. I will not tell anyone what my husband did. That's between him and me. I still have love for him, even though I can't be in love with him right now. But I think it's important for my sanity to separate and to tell people we've separated. I have a pain in my stomach everyone someone asks me about him or calls me by my married last name. It's a physical pain....so bad I've gone to see a doctor but after weeks of testing they can't find anything wrong with me. I guess it's just due to stress. Telling mine and his friends was very difficult but it also made things easier because I felt like I wasn't hiding behind this facade that everything was ok. Now I just have to remember my story every time I see some of them to keep things consistent. 

doublerainbow88
doublerainbow88
Hey Candice2244, I don't think that not telling some people make you a "liar." I think it's normal to want to keep some things private as you process your pain. At the same time, I also connect with what you said about telling friends and not having to hide behind a mask. I'm struggling with that right now because this is second time this is happening (with my dad) and all of my closest friends who know about the situation live far away.

Now and in the past, I have had some of the same symptoms that you're talking about. Stomach pain or nausea, mostly. Have you talked with a professional? The mental and emotional pain can take a serious toll on the body.

Sending healing thoughts your way.
Candice2244
Candice2244
Thank you for your reply. I have been seeing a therapist on a regular basis since this issue first popped up. Some days are good and others are not so good. But the good definitely out weigh the bad days.
yousodumb
yousodumb
Candice, I understand. I am going thru the same thing. It has been years now, and he will be coming home soon so the anxiety is coming back. People think my husband and I are separated. I am in a new location because it will be better for him, plus people don't know us here. The deep depression is gone, but still have days I get angry for changing our wonderful life. Not being able to travel, no passport for him, is a bummer. I will not let it stop me, but not the same without him. I have learned a lot about myself in this process and can travel around anywhere by myself. I guess we are all having battles and we just have to build on what we have left. If you even need to talk or ask questions, let me know....
Candice2244
Candice2244
yousodumb, the best thing you did was move to a different place. We live in a big enough city that makes this a tab bit easier. However, 2 of our best friends are cops. I'm waiting for the day when one of them finds out. I am glad your deep depression has gone. I suffer from anxiety and I found that this situation has made my anxiety almost unbearable. I struggle every day with my decision to leave my husband. This is not the life us wives have chosen for ourselves and I commend you for staying. We had problems before and this just pushed it over the edge.
yousodumb
yousodumb
If we had not been together for so long, I to would have left. But even though our marriage was difficult, OCD, controlling, rage, he had a very sweet other side and has a great relationship with our daughter. So I was one of those crazy women who stayed for the child. But this has really changed his attitude and I would hate to lose my best friend in our older age. It will be tough, but life is tough and I am taking it one day at a time. After having a friend who lost three handicapped children and two sisters who died young in accidents, not to mention a cad of a husband during this time, I figure this is a bump in the road and it could always be worse. Ask if you ever need me to answer a question. Take care of yourself.
Fromtheashes
Fromtheashes
Hi Candice, I'm dealing with the same right now - >2 months later and I still haven't told certain close friends and my family that we've split, because I can't tell them the reason. Even though we are no longer together his past is still isolating me this way. All I can say to comfort you is just take your time, the way you choose to do this has to serve no-one's interests but your own.
kakpevans
kakpevans
All I can say is reading this post is comforting ... Almost mirrors my life... I live in secrecy as well.. & stumbling Upon your post reassured me that I'm not alone;you're not alone..& we all are not alone ... I come here and can speak freely ... Yet in my "real world", I live behind a wall of secrets ...