Families of SOs Community Group
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My son says they give him a life to live but it's not his.
They make him say he's guilty and put him in prison and then when he gets out they want him to continue.
His shrink (he's taking mental health treatment , not SO) asked if he started dating yet. My son has only been out for 4 months. He's only 24.
The shrink tells my son that when he has sex he needs to tell the girl he's an SO. REally? at my son's age the last time he touched a girl is when he was 20. Ever hear of casual sex? Does everyone need to label him something just because the government has decided to.
The shrink also says my son should do a safety plan, because the POs like that. Nope, not gonna do it. It's just another confession from my son that he needs a plan when children are around.. because they think he wants to have sex with children.
My son and I have both had enough. He's already spent time in the joint for something he didn't do. He's not going to keep admitting he's guilty. He did that once when he signed the plea agreement. Never spoke to the judge at sentencing.
He doesn't have to take SO treatment and there's nothing in the release papers that says he has to do a safety plan. He's innocent. They can't throw him back in prison for saying he's innocent. They can threaten him with perjury. but at this point I doubt it. And if they do, we'll embrace it and throw all the BS stuff we had in FL into the PA courts.
We're in PA now. Every lawyer including the first PO my son saw here was surprised he was prosecuted. We're tired of being threatened by BS.
If I can do anything about it,.. even if it costs me another $100k in attorney fees to fight each and every little BS thing they want my son to do , I'll go broke and do it.
They make him say he's guilty and put him in prison and then when he gets out they want him to continue.
His shrink (he's taking mental health treatment , not SO) asked if he started dating yet. My son has only been out for 4 months. He's only 24.
The shrink tells my son that when he has sex he needs to tell the girl he's an SO. REally? at my son's age the last time he touched a girl is when he was 20. Ever hear of casual sex? Does everyone need to label him something just because the government has decided to.
The shrink also says my son should do a safety plan, because the POs like that. Nope, not gonna do it. It's just another confession from my son that he needs a plan when children are around.. because they think he wants to have sex with children.
My son and I have both had enough. He's already spent time in the joint for something he didn't do. He's not going to keep admitting he's guilty. He did that once when he signed the plea agreement. Never spoke to the judge at sentencing.
He doesn't have to take SO treatment and there's nothing in the release papers that says he has to do a safety plan. He's innocent. They can't throw him back in prison for saying he's innocent. They can threaten him with perjury. but at this point I doubt it. And if they do, we'll embrace it and throw all the BS stuff we had in FL into the PA courts.
We're in PA now. Every lawyer including the first PO my son saw here was surprised he was prosecuted. We're tired of being threatened by BS.
If I can do anything about it,.. even if it costs me another $100k in attorney fees to fight each and every little BS thing they want my son to do , I'll go broke and do it.
I want to tell you something that you probably do not want to hear; you may even get mad at me, but support is sometimes telling things people do not want to hear.
Like your son, I was not guilty, but I have been at this for a very long time. If you do not want to heed my advice, at least think about what I am about to say.
You said, " My son says they give him a life to live but it's not his."
He has a life to live but he is unable to do it because you two have allowed them to "get your goat" and annoy you so much that you are continually upset. You and he both KNOW he is innocent, so just play their stupid little game.
You said, " They make him say he's guilty and put him in prison and then when he gets out they want him to continue."
They make him say he is guilty????? Hell, he admitted implicitly that he was guilty when he signed the plea bargain. What do you mean, they make him say he is guilty?? He told him he was. When he went before the judge did he say to the judge, "I am not guilty, but I signed the plea bargain anyway."
No, he did not say that. He implied he was guilty in front of the judge. Every time you insist he is not guilty and he is not going to do this and that, all they have to do is pull the plea bargain out with your son's name on it. If your son was not guilty, he should have said so, stuck to his guns and gone to trial.
You said, "Does everyone need to label him something just because the government has decided to."
Because the government has decided to??? The government did not decide to make him sign the guilty plea and plead guilty, did they? The government has only decided what your son implied when he signed the plea bargain--that he was guilty.
To not want to enroll in a sex offender program if the court did not mandate it is one thing, but this entire attitude of my son is not guilty, so I don't have to do this and that is going to get your son violated. If not violated, the PO will make his probation period a living hell. There is not reason for this.
Not to mention the money you are spending on attorneys.
If you were so adamant concerning his innocence, why did you not advise him to plead not guilty and go to trial??? Some of the money you are spending now could have been used to hire a fantastic lawyer and you could have fought the charges.
That is what I did.
You said, concerning the safety plan, " It's just another confession from my son that he needs a plan when children are around.." Do you mean the second confession? The first confession was when your son signed the plea bargain.
I am only trying to appeal to your common sense and make you think. I believe you when you say your son is innocent and I understand that you are upset that he is treated as a guilty person, but under the circumstances, that is what the state contends.
You are being a little stubborn in all this. I hope you have the intelligence to see what I am talking about. I am not trying to criticize either you or your son, but you are making a mistake by being so bull headed.
I hope this is a lesson to every person out there, that if they are not guilty of a crime, there is a price to pay if they plead guilty via a plea bargain. Even after the release from prison the guilty plea rears its ugly head.
Nak, just play their game and keep your son out of prison. You say you and your son are tired of saying he is guilty, but these people are ruthless and they will have no problem throwing him back into prison if they see a violation.
It is all a stupid game anyway. Just do what you need to do and get through this damn mess so he can go on with your life.
Bombs away.
rewdiazepam
I know that's what the government says. I know he signed that plea and this is now his life.
We're playing the game.
I'm thankful that my son is living in PA and not in Floriduh where he was sentenced. His PO is lazy and he's not taking SO treatment. If we were in FLoriduh he'd be living in a crappy hotel or in a tent and it would be worse.
Most days are not that bad but there are days where he has to get permission for something and we don't bother because we know they won't let him. I hate that this has happened to him. He doesn't deserve it.
And it has happened to him. He didn't go out of his way to make it happened. Accidentally downloading something he never looked at. .
I'm an optimist and I think things could always get better. He's a pessimist . .
Sometimes I just need to throw it out there because I have no one else to bitch to about it.
I'm not mad, just really disappointed that I live in a world where this kind of thing happens.
As for the attorneys.. well, sometimes they help. My son doesn't take SO treatment and that's because I threw money at an attorney. That was worth it.
My husband is innocent of the crime he was acused of. He pled NOT GUILTY and went to trial. He ended up with a huge sentence. He did his time and got out. We were able to live a relatively normal life, until the retroactive application of the registry came into play.
He never did and never will say he is guilty
I have a great amount of admiration for you and the mannie in which you have supported your son. You are a devoted, loving mother and your son is very lucky to have you---and you are lucky to have your son.
Yes, this is very unfair. Your son did not do anything to deserve this, but life sometimes throws us a curve.
I always tell people that the best way to get through this is to: 1) not tell yourself that you are a sex offender, 2) not act like you are a sex offender, 3) and not allow others to tell you are a sex offender.
He KNOWS in his heart he is not guilty. He KNOWS where he came from. That enough should empower him enough so he can walk with his head up high and say "to hell with everyone else."
But right now the PO and the government has him by the butt and he has to just roll his eyes and go along with it. He is doing that.
Yes, the PO will allude to the fact that he is a sex offender. What the hell does the PO know about him anyway? He does not know your son? His opinion really does not mean squat. He is just a paid paper shuffler and nothing else.
Rise above this. Try not to allow them to upset you so much.
The government has all the firepower and they are in charge. They have the ability to send him back to prison. Neither of us want that.
I truly want what is best for you son. It would really upset me if he got sent back to prison. I take pride in helping other people here. I really care about them.
And yes, it is OK to blow off steam once in a while. In fact, it is healthy. And if anyone has reason to be aggravated, you and you son do.
But just grit your teeth and get through this damn mess. Then he can go on with his life.
rewdiazepam
We will do that. I've heard you say before
.. 1) not tell yourself that you are a sex offender, 2) not act like you are a sex offender, 3) and not allow others to tell you are a sex offender.
We'll play the game. My son and I are too scared to do much else. We'll try to do what we can up to the edge.. but not over the edge.
Thanks for being here and for your wisdom.
Nak
he was told take it or get 80 years
he`s young and was scared no evidence to prove anything he is not guilty
he got deferred adjudication for 8 years did 2
and went out of town without asking for family reasons
now he`s doing 6
its been a nightmare
I know exactly how you feel. I plead guilty because I knew the government would bankrupt bury me if I did anything else. I did not plead guilty because I committed a heinous crime. You know my story.
In time, it will get easier. Humans have an uncanny ability to adapt. Also, simply knowing that you are more than the PO can help you get through things. I used to make my PO explain things just so I could tell him where he was wrong. I did it in way that he couldn't get me. I just acted wide eyed. It was fun after the first year or so.
I would also kill them with kindness when they stopped by and let my wife hard stare them. I even offered to help one of my POs do some work in his house hoping he would agree. That would have been a major infraction for him. He thanked me and passed.
Anyway, persevere. We are here to support you and your son.
And about what Rew said about done ever call yourself a sex offender... Again amazing advice. There is light at the end of the tunnel. You are worth so much more than your label, if you don't believe that no one else will.
I did eight years probation, started helping with groups, put all my energy into work. After a few years they really did not bother me much, I reported once a month and only saw them (PO) once a year for a home visit, which they never came inside but I did not have anything to hide so it really would not have mattered.
Maybe in time your son could get involved in groups to help pass the time.
Stay strong for your son, I myself think you are a great person and mother.
Regards
buildingupslow
Have you two ever considered filing a petition with the court for a probation modification/termination? It might be a long shot, but if he has been on probation for 10 years I would think his chances are decent. You might get turned down the first couple of times, but if you keep trying every year, you might get off.
Here is a link where it is discussed--
http://tinyurl.com/npor8u9
I would really like to see your husband get off probation. Lifetime probation is just a terrible burden which you and your husband don't deserve.
rewdiazepam