I don’t have any advice for you except to stay strong and have thick skin cause everything is going to hit pretty hard soon... Keep your head up

My bf is doing 6 yrs in prison

Hi supportive_wife21, my husband and I have 2 kids. He is currently in federal prison for CP. Upon his release, one of his conditions is no contact with any child under the age of 18 without prior written permission of the probation officer. His appeals attorney says that as of right now, as written, he cannot be alone with our kids. That is one of the conditions she says she will appeal so he is at least able to be with our own children by himself. I would say, prior to having kids, speak with his probation officer and let them know you may have children in the future. They should be able to tell you what, if any, the restrictions will be. As for finding a job, my husband heard that Costco might be a good place-one of the guys he knows inside said he worked there with his conviction as an offender. They just had him working overnight so he didn't deal with customers. Other than that, I say apply everywhere that's hiring and follow up with the places he applies at.

faithNlove, how do you deal with that with your kids? My husband wants to be a father so badly, he dreams about it almost every night in jail, about taking our kids to Disney or walking with our kids in the park. His conviction was also for CP because he made one stupid mistake, we got really lucky with sentencing, but being forced to register as long as he will have to, he doesn't want to be the absent father that his father was, but registering means he won't be able to go to events at their school or parent teacher conferences. How do you and your husband deal with all of that?

Please allow me to help you ladies out regarding the children situation.

There are no laws or statutes in any state I am aware that prevents a sex offender registrant from living with his own biological children AS LONG as he is off probation, parole, or any form of supervised release. At that point, he only has to abide by the sex offender registry restrictions.

Many state also have a provision in their statute that a registrant can live with their step-children also.

So once your guy gets off probation, he will be only on the registry and there are no statutes or laws to prevent him from living with his children.

Having said that, some nosey citizen can always file a complaint with CPS that there is a sex offender living with children and CPS will probably open an investigation. The investigation may not go too far, but it will be bothersome.

If a registrant is still on probation or any form of paper time, his PO can set his own rules regarding living with his children. After all, let’s remember that an offender on probation is under the custody of the DOC if it was a state conviction and the BOP if it was a federal conviction, since he has not completed his court mandated sentence.

POs can be hard asses in the beginning and they will make some strict rules for a new probationer. After all, they don’t know the new probationer except what they have read in the reports. For all they know, the new probationer could be the second coming of Charles Manson. As a result, they play hard ball in the beginning, but after a while---when they can see that the probationer is not a problem and is not continually trying to push the envelope----they will let up and be much more lenient. At that point, some of the original rules will no longer be enforced.

So even though the PO seems unreasonable at first regarding the children, it does not mean that he will be not be more lenient after a few months. Many probationers I know are able to live with their biological children after being on probation for a period of time. This is one reason that it is imperative to foster a good relationship with the PO.

Now, after a period of time, if the PO still refuses to allow your guy to see his children, he can petition the court to have his probation modified so he can see his children. Remember, the PO does not make the rules of probation. The rules are set out by the state and the judge and the judge is the final arbiter, not the PO.

Another thing to remember is that if a probationer has a clean record, has paid off all his court fines, and completed all this programs, after he has completed about half his probation time, he can petition the court for a probation termination. This will allow him to get off probation earlier. Again, the judge is the final arbiter in this situation. Many POs have huge caseloads and if they can eliminate a good probationer by dropping him, they will do so gladly.

@FaithNlove,

You said, “my husband and I have 2 kids. He is currently in federal prison for CP. Upon his release, one of his conditions is no contact with any child under the age of 18 without prior written permission of the probation officer. His appeals attorney says that as of right now, as written, he cannot be alone with our kids.”

All that is true, but as I have emphasized after a while, most registrants can live with their own biological children. It may take six months or a year, but if he has forged a good relationship with the PO, the PO may very well allow him to live with your two children. So just b/c he cannot live with them in the beginning does not mean he can never live with them. At some point, he will probably be able to live with them as a father should.

Even in the early beginning, the PO may allow him to see his children while you are there. The PO may forbid unsupervised visitation in the beginning, but again, he will probably soften up down the road.

@Supportivewife,

You said, “His conviction was also for CP because he made one stupid mistake, we got really lucky with sentencing, but being forced to register as long as he will have to, he doesn't want to be the absent father that his father was, but registering means he won't be able to go to events at their school or parent teacher conferences. How do you and your husband deal with all of that?”

Again, just b/c he may not be able to see his kids in the beginning does not mean he cannot see them at some point, as I explained above.

As far as school events or teacher/parent conferences, many states have statutes in which a registrant can attend events with prior approval of the school superintendent. This is not an ideal situations, but it is much better than an outright denial.

I hope I have clarified things somewhat and given you two mothers some hope that this will not be as bad as you think---it never is.

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supportive_wife21, while my husband was on house arrest, his pre-trial officer let him attend parent teacher conferences as long as there were no children around. So, I always booked the latest time possible to ensure that we complied with that. I don't know how it will work once he is released and on probation.