I know this is a terrible way to meet but I just wanted to say hello to you and I am very glad that you found this website at the beginning rather than towards the end. Everyone here certainly can answer any questions you may have about your husband and they are very supportive. Never feel that a question is too little or just plain too dumb because that is what we are here for. My husband has been incarcerated 8yrs and I miss him terribly. For years I was alone and confused but I just had to except the fact that he was gone. For years and years I tried to find someone to talk to friends, family, therapists but no one cared of my loneliness or helped with my confusion. One night 8 years into his 10 yr sentence I found this website and in less than 1 week all my questions were answered.I still miss him but I understand his life more. Everyone here is very supportive they all listen, never judge, and will even straight out let you YELL if you want to. I know you are scared as we all are but once you have more information on your husbands whereabouts believe me you will calm down. (You will still worry) but at least you will be able to sleep at night. If you cant at least you know you have people who care about you to talk to. Once again welcome

Thanks, Nicole. People here are really great. I've never been a support group kinda gal (I never needed one before), but it's really nice to know that there is a community I can reach out to because, honestly, no matter how much family and friends want to help, they have NO IDEA what this feels like. Some people don't want to bring the situation up (Then it becomes the elephant in the room); others just pity me. I know everyone means well, but I'd prefer to talk to people who have either been through this or are going through it, you know?

Hi there sweet..I am in California, too, and I have done more research on this whole topic than you will ever imagine. This site has helped me a lot, and also the CARSOL, which I attended one meeting but plan to participate more in the future. I agree that this is a life sentence for us. I say "us" because it affects me the same. Public Urination, Romeo and Juliet, etc...you name it. All these silly "offenses" get you on the registry, and since nobody ever leaves the registry, the list grows more and more with each passing day. At some point, everyone will be on it....it is pretty ridiculous. CA RSOL and Janice are doing a great job, changing some of the restrictions and laws here in CA. This is a life I never expected, but it also opened my eyes to the utter unfairness toward SOs. There are only a handful true "SOs" but everybody is placed in the same category. It is beyond stupidity, and I know we are being laughed at by other countries. More should be done as far as getting the "real" criminals rather than wasting money and resources on people who are truly no danger to society or children. The mass hysteria has to end if we really want to protect children and families, and that includes those of SOs as well.

My 37 year old son was never in trouble before. He was sentenced here and also faces charges in Montana. He has been in "reception" for a month now and has been in 3 different facilities (some federal, some county) and he is still on his way to Montana. He has not had any problems so far (that I am aware of). I know it's not easy, but have faith. You will both get through this.

Thanks, Kitty and mtbfan. Mtbfan, since you are also in California, can you tell me how you guys are getting through the aftermath? Now that I'm settling into the fact that my husband may live through his time in prison without getting hassled (fingers crossed), I'm hyperfocused on what our lives will be like after he gets out. I'm so terrified of limited his existence will be, how controlled. Anyone on that registry is completely stripped of their rights. Do you know that SOs are not allowed to receive treatment for erectile dysfunction? Do you have any idea how many men suffer from that condition, as it's often a side effect of meds or other illnesses? The fact that the state can dictate whether or not a man is allowed to have a sexual relationship with his wife or partner is INSANE.

That was just one of the many things that got my blood boiling last night as I read through that "book" of post-incarceration rules and regulations.

There also seems to be a lot of misinformation out there. Some documents say that all SOs are required to wear GPS bracelets for life, but I'm pretty sure that's only a requirement for high-risk offenders. Also, in L.A. (and some other counties in California), there is currently a "stay of enforcement" on the residency restrictions because SOs couldn't find a damn place to live and psychos were putting "pocket parks" al over the place to make it even more difficult for them to find housing. Now, it's on parole and probation officers to go to court if they think a SO should have to abide by residency restrictions.

Sorry, that was a mouthful.

The majority of the people here have loved ones in prison for CP. Do not let the goverment force you to wear the scarlet letter for this. Your husband is not a bad guy, he is normal. There is a plot to set rot the lives of many good men in this country through the charge of CP. There are so many ways it can end up there. Downloading music is one of the more well known ones. My brother has his life destroyed over CP charges as well. I could go on and on about my anti goverment rant on the scam that is known as sexual exploitation of a minor. You will soon figure I tut for yourself though.

Oh, you don't need to tell me. The police throw out that BS about IP addresses. Well, look at this:
http://truthisscary.com/2014/01/us-judge-rules-ip-address-is-not-a-positive-identifier/

@sweetjane3535, I know it's not easy, but you need to take things one day at a time. Don't worry now about what will happen or not happen when your husband gets released. You can drive yourself crazy worrying about the future, and you are right, there is a lot of misinformation out there which just adds to it. I have found that the most reliable info has come from others on this panel. Just concentrate on the here and now, and continue to love and support your husband.

as a sex offender you are considered at minimum a medium custody inmate they consider it a violent crime. I did 5 years in florida it's hard but you keep your charge to yourself even though people try to find out from the outside world what your in for i am off probation now and working the state doesn't make life easy they seem to set people up for failure with the registry and restrictions life is hard but bearable as long as he has support on the outside he will be fine.

Hi madbill,

Actually, in California at least, you're given a classification score that depends on several factors. State law says that sex offenders cannot have a score lower than 19. If you have no additional points added (for prior offenses and an age below 35), you're at a level 2, which is low security.

My husband did a year and a half in CDC for a crime he also didn't commit. The hardest part was after the trial-- because he got only 10 months they kept him in reception the whole time, which meant no phone calls. Once he figured out to create a story he was fine. Parole has even been relatively easy.

I just saw your post about the GPS monitors, and my husband has to wear his only during parole. We are STILL awaiting the results of his early parole release review. I've been told it's rare for SOs to get it, but he's low-risk and everyone (therapist, dr, PO) recommended he get it, so he's hopeful.

Well, ksteeler, I will keep my fingers crossed for you :)

Reading a lot of hopeful messages on this board tonight. Thank you, all, for sharing your bits of good news.

Sorry sweetjane,
I guess its true what they say about florida being it's own little country, my crime occurred 16 years ago and my score sheet was a joke but here they classify S.O.'s different you start out no lower than medium custody and no matter how well you do in prison it never goes below that level. I am glad that some states recognize a tier system and actually use it. prayers and blessings to you and yours.
Bill

I don't mean to frighten anyone, but it appears that prison is not the big problem. The real issue is trying to live your life with the " Scarlet Letter" of Sex Offender for the rest of ones life. The laws as they are currently written continue the incarceration beyond the prison walls. Take a look at this piece that was aired some time ago on television. The laws must change, Raping a five year old or urinating in public it is all the same under the law.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ebjD1r4e9-4