I'm so relieved to find this board--- thanks rewdiazepam! Families of Prisoners was a good start, but this one is even better. Keeping the situation private has been very, very exhausting. In reading through some posts I see some common threads and while I'm glad to know I'm not the only one, it's infuriating at the same time.

I'll try to keep this simple and straightforward. My husband and I met and married 9 years ago. He was honest about his past (and yes, I checked his official criminal history)--- long history of substance abuse and the accompanying crimes: shoplifting, fraud, identity theft, etc--- but it was nothing violent and he assured me he was clean. And other than one short relapse, he was. I grew up very sheltered and even at 32 was naive. I had no idea of the accompanying baggage, like never having been a self-supporting adult, not being able to cope with stress, etc. Let me be clear, I love/loved him very much and he is a good man; weak, but that's not the main issue.

His mother had taken guardianship of his daughter eleven years earlier when she was two, after CPS had taken her (with cause) from her biological mother while he was "on vacation", as we call it in my house. Because of the early abuse and neglect, his daughter was multiply-impaired. Because his life had been a mess for many years, it was understood that he would never gain custody of her; his mother would be her guardian and his sister would take over when needed. His mother has put her high-value house in trust for her, so she'll always have a home and resources. Of course, there's money and services from the state (CA) as well.

Once we married and he had a stable home, started to grow up, get a job, be responsible, etc. you'd think everyone would be happy, but that was not the case. New Year's Eve 2008, just after he returned from his second visit to his family in 20+ years, his sister called demanding to know what he did to his daughter. We had no clue what she was talking about, but I had a bad feeling. There was a call from a detective a few weeks later, but she didn't go into any detail. Then we got the "pretext phonecall" with all kinds of drama from his mother and sister. Then there was the investigation from CPS that CA initiated; my children were not taken from me, but he had to leave the home for a month. That's a whole other story. Then we didn't hear anything for a long time and assumed it was over.

More than 2 years later, out of the blue, I get a call while I'm at work from my husband telling me he's been arrested for this. A month later he's extradited to CA. He's offered a deal for the one charge and he refuses. The senior DA now in charge ups the charge but he still refuses. She ups it to several charges and he still refuses. He's been in solitary for ten months and has a baby PD who's never tried a sex case, and the DA shows up a week before trial with now 5 LIFE charges and he finally caved. He was afraid of never being able to come home and so he signed to one much lesser charge and did minimum time. They were working down to time-served in the bargaining but his family showed up at the courthouse weeping and wailing and threatening to go to the media and so the judge shut down the bargaining.

All this time I'd been trying to figure out why this was happening and it took several months but I think I figured it out. The sister who made the initial call has always had difficulty in her life--- several children by several different men, none of whom stuck around. No education, poor living conditions, etc. After she made this accusation in the name of my husband's daughter, she is now living in my MIL's second home worth a quarter-mil, paying no rent, not working, and is petitioning for guardianship. My realization is that she felt her position as future guardian was threatened by my husband finally getting his life together because she thought he might attempt to gain custody. All the financial resources that go along with his daughter were slipping out of her hands and she had to make sure he'd never take that from her. That is so sick I can't even fathom it.

So, I'm angry. At the police, at CPS, at the so-called justice system, and most of all at the people who made my children suffer. My older daughter's father is a police officer who doesn't particularly care for my husband, but even HE believed there was no danger to her and TOLD CPS that. It didn't matter to them. They called me a terrible mother, they lied to me at every turn until I finally understood I needed a lawyer to force their hand and then they evaporated. This case was initiated and pursued by a detective who is a personal friend of my husband's sister, but charges were never filed until 2 years later one of the DA's wives was elected judge and she signed the warrant.

I'm furious with my husband's mother, who started to realize that something was fishy during pre-trial, but was told she'd be facing charges if she changed her testimony so she went along. I'm furious with the PD's office who put up a 25-year-old attorney with no experience against a senior DA. I'm furious with the DA, who had not one shred of evidence but pursued it anyway. I'm furious with everyone who has had a hand in keeping my husband from our son, who's 8. He adores his father and has suffered from his absence, although he doesn't know why. I'm furious with these people who made me go through a difficult pregnancy virtually alone and who have put so much extra responsibility onto my oldest daughter, who didn't get any carefree teenager time. I'm angry with my husband for giving in and not fighting. I'm angry with myself because I don't know if I can live with the fallout and the stress on our marriage. I'm angry that I have to keep this to myself and act like nothing's wrong, because of my job.

Wow, I'm so glad to get that out. I didn't realize that much was still in there.

I'm thankful for my oldest daughter, who has been a rock and I would never have made it without her. I'm thankful that my son is oblivious and really does believe Daddy is still opening new stores for his company. I'm thankful my baby was born healthy. I'm thankful that my normally-judgmental parents were very supportive of me, my kids and my husband. I'm thankful for the few friends who do know that have prayed for us and kept me afloat when I had no faith. And now I'm thankful for this board.

I'm sorry this was so long; it's just so freeing to be able to say it. I look forward to meeting you all.