Firstly,, don't be ashamed. A lot of people don't feel that he's a bad guy for what he did. Personally, I wouldn't judge him. If you can be there for him without you being pissed off and ashamed then you'll make such a difference in his future. If you can't deal with it, then bail out now.

People who are labeled SO for any reason need support. They need someone who won't judge them, because most every one else will. They won't even know the story. He's now part of an 'unclean' community. One that my 23 y.o. son will soon be a part of when he's released from prison in 5 months.

The one thing that might be most helpful is for your brother to get on antidepressant meds. My 43-year-old, incarcerated son, who's almost 2 years down on a 20-year sentence for inappropriate activities with a child under 12, is on 40 mg a day of Citalopram (Celexa) and he says it really helps him cope.

My other incarcerated son is 38 and is 1 yr down on 4-years-to-life and he's not on antidepressants. I wish he were, because he's bitter, angry, and depressed, like your brother.

Both of my sons are in facilities where a large percentage of the population is SOs, so it's not quite so worisome to think about hostile fellow inmates. I think prison officials are getting wise to how important it is to house SOs in as safe a group as possible.

Sorry that you have to be here yet you are welcome nonetheless. Being the sole person is a great responsibility and I encourage you to go easy and only take and do as much as you can handle. Choose your battles and don't let them choose you. There are no set rules and surely the state will prove that over and over. Your anger will soon turn from your brother, if only slightly; to the system and that's ok. We are here for you and please feel free to share.

honestwitness: for some reason you took my breath away and I nearly cried even though I've read your story before. My prayers are with you both. In Christ, Pathella

Please don't be hard on your brother, this is very hard for him right now and needs all the support he can get. I hope you can work through whatever issues you may have with him so you can be his person. I'm assuming the rest of the family can't or won't be there for him.
This is difficult and SNY reception isn't safer than gen population. Don't be surprised that it can take you weeks or months to be an approved visitor. My Hub has been in reception since March and should soon be transferred to another prison for his housing.
I think that every step will be easier, but it doesn't. I do fully agree that if your brother isn't on anti-depressants, he should consider them. I finally got my hub to agree to get meds if his anxiety and depression don't get better when he moves.
Sorry you are here, but welcome.

I'm working on the shame thing--it's complicated. I'm probably not as judgemental as I sound--I have a tendency to lecture (not attractive but there it is--ask my kids). I'm not really angry about what he did. I'm often confused by it--sometimes I think "What's the big deal?" and other times I think "Holy crap". I guess that's complicated too. But he is who he is. And he's a good guy--smart, kind, caring, generous. I think I'm mostly pissed at how cavalier he was with his own life. He kinda sorta checked on the legal age of consent but didn't read the fine print. (I think laws should be easy to understand and very clear). And I'm really pissed at the price he has to pay. He doesn't deserve to be in prison or on a registry that is little more than punitive. I honestly cannot imagine his horror at the reality of his life right now. And it breaks my heart...

Welcome and iam sorry your going though this it can take a bit of time to get your head around all of this just take your time with it and don't try and work it all out at once.

My heart goes out to you, MissMare. What a place to be, but we all understand here.

Deena

There is a great deal to sort through as this path is traveled. Be patient with yourself and know that your support of your brother is a great kindness and good will come of it, no matter what "others" may say. Your feelings are real, and they need to be felt. That is very difficult and one might think it easier to just stuff them all. Stuffing only makes your sick. I stuffed my feelings about this journey way too much and it made me physcially unhealthy. So, it is either feeling the pain emotionally as it comes into your life or down the road physically. That I suppose is my best advice for now. It would have made a world of difference if I had learned that sooner. Take good care of yourself and may God's peace be with you. You are not alone.

First, don't be ashamed...You did nothing...
Second, You love him, that is the most important thing. You say you haven't liked him..Why? DON'T ANSWER ME, It's not my business, ask yourself why.
You made a point of saying he is Bi so I assume that the 17 yo was a boy.....No judgement, but the kid clearly was a willing participant..... As a guy myself, by the age of 17, you could put a gun to my head and I wasn't gonna have sex with a man....The sex may have even been legal where he is, but, and this is what I don't get, Taking pictures is illegal........

Thank you all for your thoughts and support. I am so sorry we're all on this board, but it does feel better to talk to people who truly get it. A couple of things to add--he IS on antidepressant meds and I'm hoping the state prison will continue them. I've heard conflicting stories about what the state will provide. And they didn't send his prescription with him to reception, so who knows? Liking him has become hard...he's had more than his fair share of crummy luck (divorce, bankruptcy, some close personal deaths) and has simply been in a really bad mood for about 4 years. He was often just looking for an argument, probably so he could get vent his anger. Prior to his arrest we got to a place where we only spoke once in awhile or if he needed some money. Also, I live 900 miles away from him which added to the emotional distance. As for his charges--the sex was legal but the images weren't. Crazy. And we didn't know he was bi until his arrest. That's when he came out--was forced out. Poor guy. And of course I love him. We're only a year apart--we grew up rolling around the floor like little monkeys. I think I'll stop talking now--I'm sure you've had enough of this story for one day. Thanks again for listening...it's a relief. I hope I can return the favor.

I hope they keep his meds up the come down from can be worse then before he went on them...I do feel for both of you maybe this could be a new way of getting to know him? By letters...just a thought coz it sounds like you where close at one stage.
I do feel for the way he was made to come out that would spin anyone out and put him on edge a bit more.
Don't be sorry for posting we are all hear to give each other support or just to listen and larne from each other.

The DOC will continue his prescrition, but it has to come from their resources. My son was already on Citalopram, when he went it. I still have his last bottle of pills from 19 months ago. The DOC does a complete medical exam and eval while the inmate is still in reception. That's the first thing they did for both of my sons. They get them back onto any prescription meds pretty quickly.

"the sex was legal but the images weren't" - as long as the photos were taken knowingly - what is with this country's obsession about photos? Reminds me of the old days when the "natives" were worried that the camera photos were stealing their souls. No one really cared about their feelings and concerns about repercussions, did they.

If all you say is true I am also ashamed and worried. Ashamed and worried about the future, that this society will spend these kind of resources on cases like this while yet another week got chopped off the school year for the fall, major metropolitan cities are bankrupt (Detroit), infrastructure is crumbling beneath our feet, etc etc.

Feel free to share as much as you need to. Right now, that's what you need the most and not fearing judgement. We have all been there in one capacity or another. We understand the hurts and confusion this has caused. We are here to support you.

It's all true. And I agree with you Dixon73.