Families of SOs Community Group

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Ashrobin45 07/01/2017

Hi,

2 and 1/2 years ago my husband was arrested for possession of CP. I had no idea but my husband suffers from severe mental health issues. He viewed it for only 2 weeks. He originally had two counts but on 6/29/17 he took the plea of one count and is now at county to be transferred to prison to serve two years. I'm kinda freaking out. I've never lived alone and I miss him like crazy. My biggest concern is that people like him would benefit from help not prison.

I know that people convicted of this crime are not bad people. As I have read before the crime does not define the person. This crime is being severely punished throughout the country but here in Texas, the punishment does not fit the crime. My husband had 71 videos from a P2P program. He went to a forensic psychologist who ran a plethora of tests to determine his risk and recidivism. He scored the lowest for recidivism (low is good) and risk is low. However they do not care about that here and he is a good person.

My husband is very empathetic. He wants to help everyone. He can't even watch movies because he empathizes with the characters too much. He helps injured birds, injured pets and even makes sure that when he fishes, when released the fish will survive.

I am worried about him in jail and prison. He will be an RSO when he gets out. I have heard SOs are treated badly in prison. I am very worried. I just need words of support. Thank you.

Scared2death 07/01/2017

I'm sorry you're going through this but if you love him don't abandon him. He's more frightened than you are and will likely be a different person when he's released. My son had to plea yesterday to keep his freedom and we are damn lucky that he did. I cried for hours after at how grateful I am he came home with me. But the next battle of humiliation begins with registry and notifying neighbors. I am a local realtor in a very small town. So this is going to hurt my business as well I fear. Keep your head up love your husband and try to get him the help he needs while incarcerated.

rewdiazepam 07/01/2017

I sent you a private message. Check your messages.

rewdiazepam

doublerainbow88 07/02/2017

Hey Ashrobin45, I connect with what you said about your husband being an empathetic and otherwise loving person, yet still struggling with this illness. Growing up, I was very close with my dad and thought we had a lot in common. He was always an understanding and generous person. Later in life when his struggles with CP came to light (which I'm coming to see as a type of addiction), I've found myself questioning how such a seemingly good person could have such a tremendous flaw.
Anyway, a couple of things that I can say about prison... I think my dad did his best to be a model prisoner and go about his daily routines quietly, so his term went OK. One thing I remember him saying, though, is how prison is certainly not a place where people "get better." It's not designed to be a therapeutic experience. So I would just encourage him to keep examining his thought patterns, consider the different choices that he will need to make in the future, and the likely consequences if he does not make different choices...

Sending lots of love and empathy to you.

Jiyuu 07/04/2017

Find out if he can get in protective custody.

Suchaslife 07/04/2017

Please listen to what Rew has told you. I have no doubt that his advice would be good.
Prison isn't like what you see on tv and dont belive the storys....prison is the easy bit believe it or not! As for pc well dont do it he be labeled god knows what and be a target.

rewdiazepam 07/04/2017

Protective custody is always available, but not the answer to any of his prison problems.

Protective custody---PC---is only used as an absolute last resort. Nobody with a short sentence, who will be at a minimum security prison, needs to seek protective custody. Inmates at minimums may not particularly like sex offenders or guys with sex crimes, but the most they will do is shun them. Physical assaults rarely happen.

In all my years, I never heard of anyone seeking PC while at a minimum, simply because there is no reason to go to PC.

Going to PC also gives an inmate a terrible reputation with the other inmates. Inmates know only a few folks seek PC-----sex offenders, snitches, people who won’t pay their debts, and gang dropouts. As a result, they look down on guys who have been in PC. Going to PC will follow an inmate for the rest of his time in prison.

He needs to keep a low profile, mind his own business, never snitch on anyone, do not get in debt to another inmate, do not ask personal questions of other inmates, not talk to prison staff excessively, and appear to be “just another guy trying to serve his time and go home,” and he will do fine.

Hope this helps.

rewdiazepam

yousodumb 07/05/2017

My husband can be sensitive, but can give it as good as he gets. He has never had a problem at a medium by not getting involved in drama and not talking about his or any one else's reason for being there. He says it is manageable and most will treat you with respect as long as you do the same. His problem is he is naive and gave others his newspapers, books, etc until they started taking advantage. He stood up for himself and told them no more. They don't ask anymore. He sits at the shunned table, but has met some good people that made bad choices like himself. It will be tough in the beginning, but he can make it. Two years will go by fast, it has been 5 years for us but now almost over..

kawaiinerd1 07/09/2017

I'm sending good vibes and prayers up for you and your family. I'm sure your husband is a good man and will get through this rough situation. Everyone makes mistakes, all they an do is learn from them and grow as a person. Take everyone's advice and just be supportive and understand as I know you already are.

lpadmin69 07/28/2017

I have a son who was convicted of a sex offence. I'll make it short....he was at work on the date and time that the individual said it happened. Even though the individual had lied 11 times on the stand he was still found guilty. Two weeks after the trial we received a letter from one of the jurors (she did not give her name but we latter found it out and we have talked to her). She did not feel that our son was guilty but said she and maybe one other were bullied into the verdict . In her statement to the investigator others just wanted to get it over as it was Friday.
Now and after he does get released he is going to fight to clear his name. I think that is one thing you can learn on here is don't give up. There are many who know how unjust our legal system is ,before and after a conviction.

Anonymouslyme 08/04/2017

My husband was arrested 4 years ago. Jail was the easy part for sure. My husband found probation to be the hardest. He had group counseling and he worked through a lot. The polygraph revealed more and proved to be a huge bump. He won't work anymore despite our need for him to and we get DHS called on us whenever someone sees something they think they don't like. I want to tell you that it is so much harder than I thought. NOTHING is going back to "normal" at all.

He will be fine in jail, but take care of you! Have fun and live your life. My advice is to live separately during probation. Let him alone deal with his consequences. You can enjoy a life together with firm boundaries. I wish you luck!

Ashrobin45 08/05/2017

Thank you everyone who replied and sent their love. I am in a much better place. I get to talk to him everyday and visit twice a week. In county jail, he is well liked and actually made some friends. Due to the crime being non-violent (I would even consider it white collar) he is in a low security cell block. Therefore it is mostly non-violent people, though the jail is so overbooked, they put some harder criminals in there with him. He just became paper ready for prison and the next step I am concerned about is when he "catches the chain". Since both of us will have no notice and then he will not be able to communicate until he finishes the entry process which could last up to 60 days. I am feeling more and more confident that he will be paroled earlier than I had originally thought. I am working on the parole packet and tomorrow will be half way to parole eligible. Does anyone know on average, how long does someone stay in jail after being paper ready before "catching the chain"?

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