What makes you think he is not committed? Is he rationalizing what he did? Is he saying what he did isn't that big of a deal? What in particular is your concern.

He will have heavy duty supervision the next 10 years. Everything he does will be monitored. If he is lucky enough to have access to the internet, that will also be monitored. His aftercare therapy will be extremely intense. He will have it drilled in him how any small mistake will send him back to prison. I think the best way to cope is knowing that these safeguards will make it much less likely he will reoffend. Plus, people who are CP offenders generally reoffend at a very low rate, almost less than any other crime, contrary to popular opinion.

He won't make it through probation, though, if he doesn't follow all of the rules to a tee and that is his responsibility alone.

He definitely is not rationalizing. He regrets it, and does not plan to ever look at CP again. He has told me numerous times that he will never look at it again. He thinks it is a very big deal. And he is taking probation very seriously as well. I worry about that because today he slept in for community service, and he can only miss two times before he is not able to do community service there anymore. He also has been getting his meetings, community service, and work schedules mixed up - I worry he's going to forget to go or something! That is helpful to know he will be monitored...I fear what my mom fears - what if he reoffends? What if he doesn't ever get away from it? And 20 years down the road we are married with children, and then he loses his job or doesn't have one? I know a lot of it is irrational and can be related to the stigma that comes with RSO's...his whole extended family is supportive of him, and I'm worried to tell mine - I don't think they would support him. I could see them worrying for me and supporting me, but not him. My mom is like this. And my dad to an extent. So is my brother. I'm very concerned about people finding out and losing friends/family ties over it. In my heart, I know that if those people don't want to support us, then I know I don't need them. That we don't need them. There are plenty of people supporting us right now. I just worry about the future. Knowing he's broken the law before (DUI as well one time when he was younger) makes it hard for me to trust him...we are good friends, and have a lot of fun together, and can talk about anything...there is just a lingering anxiety I have surrounding this issue. I can't seem to shake it..it goes away, but then it comes back. I just want time to fast forward to prove to myself and my family that we overcame this and it's now in the past, and my bf is a great life partner who contributes to society. Right now I'm trying to be positive and supportive, seeing th glass half full. And having restful nights in with him while he recuperates from these long days of community service, work, therapy, and PO meetings. A lot of times I see people living their lives and it's like I'm looking at them through glass, because our life is so different and restricted right now. People don't know what we're going through, and they seem free to do whatever they want. It's all very difficult, and it comes in waves. *sigh* it's hard to not have anyone to talk to about it either. I used to be able to talk to my
Mom about anything. She hates talking about this.

I understand where you are coming from. My son has ADHD and has not been on medicine for it for 11 years. He cannot keep things straight and I fear that when he gets out and has to start the probation parole think that he will end up committing suicide.

Does he have a trade? There will always be jobs in manufacturing. SO's do get hired for that kind of work all of the time. Construction jobs too and perhaps working in a kitchen as a chef. Any kind of job that is away from children. But if he can handle that kind of gruff work, I believe he will be able to find a job 20 years from now.

As far as "what if he reoffends", assume he won't. He'll be hearing those concerns from his probation officer and his therapist. It's been very helpful with my son to tell him that I have total confidence he won't reoffend. That I have faith in him. Believe it or not, psychologically, that has helped him a great deal. Let other people do that worrying for you because there will be people in his life who will track his every thought and move.

You said "I'm very concerned about people finding out and losing friends/family ties over it."

We've been down this road. Any friends we have lost were not worth having in this first place. My wife and I have talked about it and anyone who abandoned us (which wasn't many) were shaky friendships to begin with. The one's that stick by you; they are the one's to hang on to.

Your words are so very, very comforting! I want to read and re-read them. I agree about the psychological benefits of saying I have full confidence in him. I also agree that those who don't stick around are not worth having around. Luckily, he has some really good friends who are supportive in addition to his family. My family on the other hand is very unaccepting of this. Even my brother who is one of his oldest friends. It's creating a very large rift in our relationship. Not sure how to navigate - I'm very defensive right now, and I don't even want to talk about anything with them regarding this. There are other issues besides this that make our relationships very volatile.

As for the trade, he is a cook! And he is almost done with his technical degree in Info Tech. He wants to try that out since he has invested time and money into it. Cooking could always be an option for him, and I am fully supportive of that.

My husband had a porn addiction, I sent him the book "Every Man's Battle". It deals with men's battle with sexual addictions. He found it very helpful. And not having access to the internet has also helped with his addiction, as it doesn't feed into it.

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