Families of SOs Community Group
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About a month ago, I met a young man who is 18 years old. He is on probation and according to him, looking at a twenty two year prison sentence if he does not get his life on tract. In the course of speaking with him, he is very clear that he wants to make the right decisions and do the right thing, but has too many powerful and negative influences surrounding him that prevents him from doing such.
One of the negative influences is a man in his 40's who is fixated on controlling this kid and exploits the kid's vulnerabilities to force the kid to let him perform oral sex on the kid. The kid admits he is bisexual but states that he is very uncomfortable with what the adult is doing, and he reports that the adult consistently tries to force the kid to submit to anal sex.
The kid and I have begun to develop a big brother / mentor relationship, and the adult is extremely threatened by this because it removes his ability to control the kid and exploit him for sex. The adult uses three different ways to gain control over others like this kid, i.e. active intimidation, passive aggressive behaviors, and many different manipulation strategies.
The adult has taken to spreading false rumors with those whom the kid and the adult know, to solicit the aid of others to pressure the kid not to speak with me or even be around me, by falsely claiming the kid and I are having sex with each other. And while such is false and the kid is very angry with the adult for spreading the false rumors, the adult is nevertheless able to use his intimidation tactic to control the kid.
I have spoken with the police about the adult and what is happening to the kid and their attitude and response is that ... the kid is 18 years old so it is consensual sex. In other words, males of legal age cannot be sexually assaulted, abused, nor rape and especially not if they are gay or bisexual. Suffice to say, the cops don't care.
The kid is an inch away from going to prison. I showed him tonight that his probation officer filed documents a few days ago with the court in that of a citation. I do not know what that means exactly as the records do not show that the citation was. The court records also show that prior to this occurring, the probation officer filed to have his probation revoked but then asked the court to take no action on such, and the court complied.
I fear for this kids safety and well-being because of what this adult is doing to this kid. I am not sure what the right thing is here for me to do.
One of the negative influences is a man in his 40's who is fixated on controlling this kid and exploits the kid's vulnerabilities to force the kid to let him perform oral sex on the kid. The kid admits he is bisexual but states that he is very uncomfortable with what the adult is doing, and he reports that the adult consistently tries to force the kid to submit to anal sex.
The kid and I have begun to develop a big brother / mentor relationship, and the adult is extremely threatened by this because it removes his ability to control the kid and exploit him for sex. The adult uses three different ways to gain control over others like this kid, i.e. active intimidation, passive aggressive behaviors, and many different manipulation strategies.
The adult has taken to spreading false rumors with those whom the kid and the adult know, to solicit the aid of others to pressure the kid not to speak with me or even be around me, by falsely claiming the kid and I are having sex with each other. And while such is false and the kid is very angry with the adult for spreading the false rumors, the adult is nevertheless able to use his intimidation tactic to control the kid.
I have spoken with the police about the adult and what is happening to the kid and their attitude and response is that ... the kid is 18 years old so it is consensual sex. In other words, males of legal age cannot be sexually assaulted, abused, nor rape and especially not if they are gay or bisexual. Suffice to say, the cops don't care.
The kid is an inch away from going to prison. I showed him tonight that his probation officer filed documents a few days ago with the court in that of a citation. I do not know what that means exactly as the records do not show that the citation was. The court records also show that prior to this occurring, the probation officer filed to have his probation revoked but then asked the court to take no action on such, and the court complied.
I fear for this kids safety and well-being because of what this adult is doing to this kid. I am not sure what the right thing is here for me to do.
I hope this works out for the kid. Let us know how it plays out.
http://dmh.mo.gov/mentalillness/helpinfo/civil.htm
The mental hospital is not a viable option because the kid is not posing an active danger to himself in that of say suicidal thoughts or claims. But thanks for the suggestion.
To put it simple, you need to find some one like me to visit "Douche", and 'ENCOURAGE' him to leave this kid alone....I don't advocate violence, but sometimes that's what it takes. ...
When did this Douche start this behavior with this kid? before he turned 18? I know it is harsh, but if the guy did, I believe it is a felony in your state too... You could just report him.
As for the kid not seeming to want to get away from this guy, I am assuming it is for his drug of choice, something that doesn't stick around in the system either, thinking coke, crack or speed, since I am sure he is tested regularly enough keep him from smoking weed. While I understand that he is making poor choices and that I did the same damned thing when I was that age too, I can tell you from my experience, you couldn't tell me anything, not without resistance. He may be choosing to deal with the crap to get the things he believes he needs, his fix.
I hate to say it but if you have advised him, warned him and informed him of the consequences of his actions, then it is time to let him learn from the school of hard knocks... He has been given several avenues that he could venture down to rid himself of this older man, but if he does nothing to do that, then it won't happen.... As nice as Coasties offer was, it might not be the best thing for the kid to learn from...
I confronted the Douche today about his crap in spreading the false rumors that the kid and I are having sex and I told hi he does not have a clue what the hell is going on between me and the kid and it sure as hell does not involve sex. Of course, he tried to play innocent with me and claimed that he saved me from being robbed by the kid the other night. Told him that was a load of crap.
The kid and I visited a couple of nights ago and he had an opportunity to steal from me, by breaking into my car, but choose not to do so. He instead broke into some one else's car that belonged to a lady who was here visiting the Douche. While unacceptable behavior, it does show that the kid has developed at least some respect for me and my property.
I venture to say that it is likely the Douche did know him before he turned 18 years old, but the kid was pretty well raised in institutions since the age 11 util his late teens, maybe 18 when the Division of Youth Services had to let him go. In July 2013 he picked up two felonies - one for having a gun and the other for discharging the gun. There was a victim but he did not get any additional charges.
I told the Douche that he is not helping this kid in any way and his false rumors are harming him and he needs to stop his crap. He blames the kid for everything and denies that he is spreading such rumors and I told him that I know he is lying because I have had more than just this kid tell me what he is doing, just as I heard him myself a few nights ago.
Yes, this kid is a royal pain in the butt and has a serious case of cranial-rectal inversion but I refuse to give up on him as I see a great deal of potential inside him. No, I cannot force him to make the right choices and I can only guide him in the right direction and hope he does the right things. But I know that not all is his fault when you take into account this Douche and what he is doing to this kid.
It is very frustrating to say the least.
I commend you for sticking with the kid, yeah he wasn't raised well, yeah he had a very hard life it sounds like... But all along that journey there were choices for him to make. He is afraid of prison it sounds like but it doesn't stop him from committing more crimes while on supervision. He doesn't want to get revoked and put back in prison yet he still uses drugs while on supervision. I know that I could have a fair amount of pity for him, but that won't help him not commit another offense.
I know the system is broken and that this man will probably never be helped, especially if he isn't looking for it. Good luck to you Legal...
I hope this kid sees the help you can provide him and takes advantage of it.